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Thread: Scapegoating

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    YES! Thank you. But when I distance myself I get all kinds of guilt trip messages, sisters telling me I'm "killing my parents".
    I used to get the same type of crap as this. You need to develop a thick skin and learn to let it roll off of you, and dont let them get to you. Various family members did the same to me. I came to the conclusion they were jealous that I had the incentive and desire to get the hell out of Dodge to be somewhere I wanted to be and do what interested me. If your family doesnt like your career, that's their problem. Dont let it be yours. I've spent my life living how I want to live, the naysayers can just take a long walk off a short dock because I dont care. It's all about boundaries and if some people need to be removed from your life, then that's what you do!

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Learn to tune them out and ignore. Don't let them get the best of you. Get tough. Be strong.

  3. #13

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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Learn to tune them out and ignore. Don't let them get the best of you. Get tough. Be strong.
    I know... I have a hard time when my Mother starts up with the guilt. They've done a number on me.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    I know, right? Both of my Parents have always scapegoated their siblings and talked very nasty about each and every one of them (of course the siblings they were falling out with changed from week to week).

    Recently my sisters ganged up on me (once again) and ostracized me from the family because I attempted to tell them how I felt. They spun this so well with my parents that my parents blamed me and tried to make me feel guilty for "tearing the family apart". I told my parents I had good teachers as they had been at odds with their own siblings ever since I can remember. They flat out denied it, told me I was wrong, ad demanded that I apologize to my sisters!

    Look at my age... I'm the youngest! Adult children at their best!
    That stinks...

    You opened yourself up emotionally and were shunned for it.

    I wouldn't invest any further in trying to get them to see it from your point of view since they obviously aren't capable of introspection.

    There is nothing wrong with limiting your interaction with them. Preserving your own emotional wellbeing is for YOU, not them.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    The larger the family, the more drama. At least that's been my experience. I think it just comes with the territory. How many siblings?
    That and you mentioned you moved away? Are the rest of them in close proximity?
    Isn't said that the person who doesn't show up to dinner is the one who gets talked about?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
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    My mother is queen of the guilt givers!!!!
    She has been married 5 times, my childhood was hell, to the point where I had to go through very expensive trauma counselling.
    We have exchanged letters on why I am not the loving wonderful Daughter she expects me to be (this is my Sister, they are co-dependant.)
    It has gotten to the point where I will see her at birthdays & Xmas, and that is it.
    She rang me constantly one day, to the point where I had a panic attack, I have never had one before, it was frightening.
    I have blocked her on my phone, and I am at peace with that.

    A lot of posters on here will not like my decisions, but if you havent lived with a toxic parent you have no idea of the damage they cause.

    Take care Camber xx

  8. #17

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    Originally Posted by shellyf62
    My mother is queen of the guilt givers!!!!
    She has been married 5 times, my childhood was hell, to the point where I had to go through very expensive trauma counselling.
    We have exchanged letters on why I am not the loving wonderful Daughter she expects me to be (this is my Sister, they are co-dependant.)
    It has gotten to the point where I will see her at birthdays & Xmas, and that is it.
    She rang me constantly one day, to the point where I had a panic attack, I have never had one before, it was frightening.
    I have blocked her on my phone, and I am at peace with that.

    A lot of posters on here will not like my decisions, but if you havent lived with a toxic parent you have no idea of the damage they cause.

    Take care Camber xx
    Awwww, sorry to hear that, but yes... unless you are a scapegoat, I don't think you can understand. Panic attacks, guilt.. being made to feel responsible for your own parents/siblings immaturity and insecurities. As the strong ones, the sane ones.. we take on ALL the guilt!

  9. #18

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    The larger the family, the more drama. At least that's been my experience. I think it just comes with the territory. How many siblings?
    That and you mentioned you moved away? Are the rest of them in close proximity?
    Isn't said that the person who doesn't show up to dinner is the one who gets talked about?
    Yes, the rest are close and expect me and MY family to be at EVERY STINKING FAMILY get together... no one has visited me in over 10 years... I used to go up to see them at least 6-12 times per year.

    They don't visit me because "it's such a long drive". Hmmmm it's just as long for me!

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Look at my age, ,,,lol. Damn, and they are still acting like children.

    Sorry to hear, Camber. What can anyone say? People can be a$$es, even family, right?

    To be honest, if I were you, I'm not sure I would bother with any of them.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You seem very upset. Did something happen recently besides the thing with your sisters? How often are your panic attacks?

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