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Thread: I think we're in a downward spiral with no future direction

  1. #21
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Going against the grain here, I think it's wrong of her to be taking off every weekend with the baby. I think it's wrong she berates him. I think it's wrong she's using the baby as a pawn in her passive aggressive resentment towards him.
    She can be as angry, tired, whatever, and maybe she has some good reasons. But he's the father. He gets equal say.. She does not get ultimate authority over baby simply because she is mom and breastfeeding.
    I believe him that she's using the kid as a way to try and gain control.
    OP has reacted badly in the past, but she does undermine him. The foundation here has rot. There isn't trust in each other, understandably.

    I don't think, even though I've not been a mom, this is normal having a kid issues. I think having a child would test the strength of what is already there, and for them, the foundation was already cracked. So this just puts more pressure on it, and they are both reacting to that.

    Still not ok for her to try and use the kid as a means of punishing him and strengthening herself. It's a baby. Not a pawn.
    And for all OP has done, he's never tried to put a wedge between her and the baby. She's doing that with him, and it's not right.
    I agree with this. Your feelings do matter, OP. You have valid reasons to be upset and you're not being heard and you should be.

    However, she still is very much postpartum and that can make any woman feel insane and feel completely unbalanced.

    You two need to work together on making it through this phase in your marriage. A new baby changes things. As a couple you are struggling because of all the massive changes and lack of sleep, change in dynamic etc.

    I think for now, you need to be more understanding one both ends. (I know, easier said than done). But things will get better as you both get more used to the changes and find ways to work around the problems.

    It takes time.

    Marriage counselling can definitely be beneficial and I think it's really important to try everything you can to save your marriage and find a way through this.

  2. #22
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    I am not familiar with your previous threads, but it does seem like you've had quite the rough road. I agree with one poster that it is not right for her to take the baby away every weekend. T is very young. I am not a parent, but most of the ones that I know prefer to keep their newborns tethered at home for a while for fear of sicknesses.

    Can I ask a stupid question? Do you two ever talk about the state of your relationship? Have you brought any of your bullet points to her attention in a calm, collected manner? Your attitudes toward each other are not affecting T right now, but as he/she gets older..tension between parents can be felt and will have an impact. I think marriage counseling is a must. There are services that offer counselling online, through chat or through video message. Maybe even just a book that you two can go through together to start. But something has to be done. If she doesn't want to seek any type of help and has completely checked out and made up her mind, it may be time to split.

  3. #23
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Did the breast feeding issues get sorted out ?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Originally Posted by a_lifters_life
    I try to help, I constantly am saying on Friday afternoons (when less busy at work) or the weekends - I've offered to take him all weekend long, and have "daddy daycare" and she go up and spend time with her family or <whatever floats her boat>

    She refuses and then claims she thinks im incapable of doing that on my own (total bs). She just wants control.

    She just got back from a night at her brothers house - 2.5h away, and wont even let me hold T so that she can pee or relax a bit. Again, she wants all the control, but at the same time wants to put me down incessantly (and my family).
    My friend was like this when she had her first child. She just took some time to relax and let her husband participate. But she did relax and he did get a chance to help. They have two more kids and they've been married now for 14 years. I'm not saying your wife is correct, but she is a new mom and she's probably wound up tight and overwhelmed with worries and concerns for the well being of her baby.


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