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Thread: Planning but scared.

  1. #1

    Planning but scared.

    Well, Iím a 25 year old female, who is ready but not ready to get pregnant. Iíve been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now & has been asking for a baby for about 2 years now. I loveeeeee kids, I grew up taking care of kids (moms was a foster mother). In the other hand Iím SCARED that itís going to be too hard for me. Iím scared I wonít do so good. I just have that fear that Iíll fail. Idk I just need someone to talk to

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Are there any plans to marry your boyfriend of six years? If the two of you can't make a commitment like that, it's not a good idea to bring a baby into the relationship, especially given your indecision about it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Is there a reason he wants a baby so young and before marriage? If youíre 25, that means heís been asking since 23...

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What does "ready but not ready" mean? A phrase like that, at least to my ears and eyes, just means "not ready." Which, at 25, is more than okay. Which, for that matter, is more than okay at any time in your life. You should start a family when you are ready ready, when that leap, while scary, feels like the right one to make and not the one you feel you "should" make or one you're making to appease someone else.

    I get that your boyfriend wants a baby. But that is what he wants. Doesn't have to be what you want. To do that together means wanting it together.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Watch daytime TV one day, especially Maury.

    Youíd be amazed how many women say, Ďhe begged me to have this baby!í

    You donít have a baby because someoneís pressuring you to.

    You donít commit to a lifetime responsibility before youíre ready.

    And Iím sorry again elephant in the room, he can create a life with you before any legal commitment?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, start with a relationship checkup. Do You want a child right now? Are you doing this to please or keep him? How is the relationship with extended family? Do you agree on money, child care, how to raise kids, extended family? How do you resolve conflict? How is your sex life, etc?

    Also where and how do you live? Do you rent? Own? Is it big enough? Do you both have cars? Jobs? Debt? Savings? Can you afford childcare?

    Originally Posted by Jubliee
    Iíve been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now & has been asking for a baby for about 2 years now.

  8. #7
    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Are there any plans to marry your boyfriend of six years? If the two of you can't make a commitment like that, it's not a good idea to bring a baby into the relationship, especially given your indecision about it.
    Yess there are plans on marrying each other

  9. #8
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Everyone is afraid to have a baby. It is a daunting thing.

  10. #9
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    Given your age and assuming there is no emergency reason to get pregnant right now I would get married first, then be married for at least a year before trying. Make sure your finances are in order, talk about who will be the main caregiver and/or what the caregiver arrangements would be. Get in tip top shape - and consider whether he smokes/drinks for example and other habits that might not be in the best interests of a baby.

    Everyone finds the prospect of motherhood daunting. I did too and I was almost 41 when we started trying. I'd wanted a baby for many years and knew that for one reason or another having one would not be in the best interests of the baby.

    Here is what helped me decrease my concerns and focus on being the best parent I could be:

    My boyfriend/future husband was someone I knew would make a good father despite having almost no experience with young children and he wanted to be a parent as much as I did!.
    I had a lot of experience with babies and young children over the years.
    We both were more than financially stable.
    Our relationship was happy and stable and committed.
    We were more than financially stable so that as I put it we could "throw money at the problem" (by that I mean - spend money for purposes of convenience, time, more sleep, whatever while I was pregnant and after the baby came).
    We agreed on how the childcare arrangements would work.
    I knew I was ok making the sacrifices one makes as a parent. More than ok.
    I knew I wouldn't be a perfect mother and I knew I wanted to be the best I could be.
    We were both in really good physical and mental health.

    With all that there were plenty of challenges and near crises but we made it through. I did start trying to get pregnant before we got married because of our ages. I'd known my future husband for many years.
    I wish you all the best. I am concerned that your boyfriend is pressuring you for two years and yet you're not married - something sounds a bit off. Perhaps that is contributing to your concerns and anxiety.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Can you share more about why you are scared it might be too much for you? What specifically are you worried about?
    Don't feel bad at all about being scared! It's much better to be honest with yourself than to just plow ahead and hope for the best. There are a lot of valid reasons for anyone to be scared when thinking of trying for a pregnancy, but some are out of our control while others are not.
    Practical things - that you can control and I'd like to hear more about your situation and what parts you are most worried about.

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