Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 19 of 19

Thread: Planning but scared.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    4,544
    So who would stay home to take care of the baby? Do you both have family that would help out when you worked? Who will pay for the hospital and doctor bills, diapers, formula, clothes, daycare, toys, etc? If you are to stay home, will he be able to cover all the bills on one salary? Why not get married before, so you can put your health insurance together? Then enjoy the married life for a few years, then reconsider a timeline for kids.

    Who will do the nighttime feedings and will he be a very hands-on dad? Where would you both live? Having a baby is a 24/7 committment. If he can't give you solid and acceptable answers on any of these qyestions, keep your baby making factory closed.

    My neighbor back in college had 17 kids by 12 different woman, and they were all looking for him for child support he never paid.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,603
    Originally Posted by Jubliee
    Yess there are plans on marrying each other
    Focus on those plans then.

    Dont you think youíre worth doing things in order?

    Thatís not to say marriage magically changes everything, what I mean is far too often in todayís society having a child isnít recognized for what it truly is. Many men and women have children as a means to control the relationship, to Ďkeepí their partner or make them Ďdamagedí goods so thereís less risk of losing you... do you want to be his Ďbaby manaí or do you want to build a family. There is a difference.

    You can undo many decisions on life, most even, you canít undo a child.

    Do not do this to Ďmake him happyí

  3. #13
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,010
    Gender
    Female
    Scared and unsure can stand for a lot of things. It might be because deep down that little voice is telling you that this is not your life partner even if you can't admit this out loud. It could be that right now, you do not feel safe and secure either in life or in this relationship, so it's not the right time to have a child. Again your gut is speaking to you. Maybe you want to do/pursue other things in life first before you become a mother. Having a child is not just a want, it's a huge life long responsibility for YOU, OP, that will change your life forever. If you weren't scared...it would make you abnormal. There is a lot to think about and a lot to consider.

    There are also simple pragmatic things as many posters already brought up - marriage first, secure home, money, support system in terms of family and friends. There is no reason on earth for you to put the cart before the horse and end up a baby momma.

    Take a step back from the pressure and what he wants and ask yourself - what do you want? What kind of life do you envision? Figuring that out will bring about clarity on where you are really at and what you really want.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,563
    Do you live together? Is there a concern about financial security?

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,302
    Gender
    Female
    Tell your BF to back off about the baby. You will be ready when you feel you are ready. If you feel there is more life to live before settling down, then just admit it. Never have a baby because you "should" have a baby. You have one because you want to.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,379
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Jubliee
    Yess there are plans on marrying each other
    I would see how that goes before making a can't-turn-back decision with this guy.

    See how being husband and wife works out first.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Butterfly~Wrists's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,558
    Hey, my fiance and I had been trying for 18 months by the time we fell pregnant, found out days after agreeing to stop trying so I could get medication for nerve pain. I was and am still scared of how things will play out. But I know I've got the best person by my side to love, protect and teach our little bundle of joy.

    Just talk through your concerns with your FH and your health professionals. It's normal to wonder if you'll be a good mum or if you can do it.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,247
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Jubliee
    Yess there are plans on marrying each other
    As in you have a ring and there is a date?
    I thought not.

    No trying for a baby unless you are married.
    He has to marry you to have that.
    Don't be a baby momma, where you get pregnant and then he conveniently gets cold feet about marrying you.
    Be able to show your child your wedding photo without them in it -- and without you pregnant in them

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    6,384
    So who would stay home to take care of the baby? Do you both have family that would help out when you worked?
    My husband and I both work full-time. None of us can afford to be stay-at-home parents. Out families are either out of state or overseas, so we have to find our own childcare. Our daughter is in daycare and itís been great for her to socialize, build motor skills, and be mentally/ physically stimulated. Itís completely doable to be a parent without the support of families. Sheís been going there since 5 weeks as I had to return to work at 4 weeks due to a family emergency. I have yet to experience any problems as I have personally surveyed daycares EARLY and put myself on waitlists the moment I found out I was pregnant.

    Speaking of which....

    OP if you are thinking about kids, you MAY have to sacrifice your career. It is dependent on your situation, but it is something to prepare for. Are you willing to give up your career if your child requires at-home care? I work in mental health and have my clientís parents had to give you their jobs for their childís special needs- completely go out of work or have to take up a part-time job. Also, do you have enough leave saved up in case you have pregnancy complications or need extended maternity leave? That was a battle I had to fight with Hypermesis (extreme ďmorning sicknessĒ). I had to be out of work for a month and a half because I was vomiting 8-10 times a day. I also later paid for the outcome when I had my dental visit and had to get two root canals because the stomach acids rotted my teeth.


    IMHO, 25 is still young to have a kid. Most people who are 25 recently got out of college or havenít built enough financial stability to support a child.

    Seriously, donít put the horse before the cart. Focus on getting married and having FUN while being married without kids. I didnít get married until 10 years of dating, and then took another 4 years of our marriage to be ďirresponsible.Ē Completely worth it. Go on trips, get into a time consuming hobby before bearing the responsibly or raising a kid. You should not be in ANY rush to have a kid. You need to get settled first.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •