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Boyfriend with PTSD


LadyLantern

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I am 21 and my boyfriend is 29 . He has PTSD from his childhood from his mother . Lately he has been lashing out and trying to dump me cause his mother is making our relationship difficult . After the last out of talking for two hours to come back to common ground all of a sudden everything is fine and he doesn’t want to break up . Lately he has been going it a lot . His family 7 months before we moved out trashed talked me and his dad texted me a nasty text not even being in our place for a couple of days .

 

He’s not happy and he keeps going psycho and doesn’t know what he wants anymore because of them . He hasn’t talked to them much but when he does his mom try’s to manipulate him to come home . They keep saying we know you are stuck in a rock and hard place meaning being moved out with me . This all stemmed from me blocking his mom cause she kept trying to control our relationship and how he saw us . So she could try to get him to stay home .

 

I don’t know the past 7 months have been very up and down and I’m getting super tired of it . It’s getting hard to bounce back from it all . What do I do ? I’m getting tired of it . I really thought he was the one . I’d do anything for him .

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You need to end this. It's simply not working and he has too many issues. He mistreats you and you need the self-respect to leave.

 

You are not a doctor, social worker or therapist. Stay away from him and his family. Block and delete him and all his people from all your social media. Dating is not about changing and fixing people and being antagonist toward each other.

I am 21 and my boyfriend is 29 .

He’s not happy and he keeps going psycho and doesn’t know what he wants anymore because of them.

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He just started group therapy last week cause I said I had enough and told him I can’t fix anything . He said he merely just wanted support . So I said go to group therapy and his therapist found him a resource .

 

Everything has been great up to this point . The past two months he like snapped . His mom keeps trying to text him sending him mean msgs and then sending him nice ones . I just don’t get it . She was blocked from his phone then his dad convinced him to unblock her

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Don't inject yourself in their family dynamics. All you need to do is block and delete his family and avoid them. Tell him to talk to his therapists/doctors about his family problems. You would be better off moving on.

The past two months he like snapped . His mom keeps trying to text him sending him mean msgs and then sending him nice ones. She was blocked from his phone then his dad convinced him to unblock her
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Because you are volunteering to be an easy and handy target for his anger. If you have self-esteem/self-respect problems talk to a trusted adult. Perhaps ask your parents to take you to a therapist to discuss why you would hookup with a weirdo like this.

If nothing is wrong with our relationship why not attack other parts of his life ?.
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It’s not okay to go off on people on here!

 

Just because you don’t like the advice given. You’re the one who needs to calm down.

 

Wiseman2 was just trying to help. You said it yourself the guy is ‘psycho.’

 

Obviously this is causing you too much stress. So you’re lashing out and being defensive on a forum.

 

Step back and realize that.

 

Time to move on and find your happiness.

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And the man I am with isn’t a weirdo just because someone has mental issues doesn’t make them a weirdo .

 

Actually it depends on how bad the mental issues are.

 

Stop making excuses for bad behaviour with mental illness, whether it is a cause of said bad behaviour or not. Most mentally unstable people should not be in a romantic relationship, period. Not because I think they are less than human or whatever, but they are not in the correct mental state to be in a relationship. Also, people can have a mental illness AND just inherently be an a$$holes anyway, those things are not mutually exclusive.

 

You are 21 years old, work out why you took on a basket case of a man 8 years older than you. Do you have insecurities? Do you feel like you need a man to need you so you are not so scared of abandonment?

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I don't know, LL. Your language seems very incendiary and provocative. I know you're frustrated but I'd say put aside the PTSD and bad mother rhetoric. It just doesn't look very good for you overall. In other words, it's not his mother or your boyfriend who seem unstable right now.

 

Cool it and take a step back. It's not ok to egg on any difficult relationships or tension between him and his family. Neutralize that and don't be an added source of grief overall. If you are looking at this being a long term relationship and do sincerely care for each other, pick your battles and don't let things get so awry. Relationships around you shouldn't be operating with this much dysfunction.

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If nothing is wrong with our relationship why not attack other parts of his life ?.

 

Likely something you say or do is triggering the attack. Not that you are to blame or that it excuses his behavior... however if he really does have PTSD, these reactions are the result of a trigger which he hasn't learned to manage.

 

It's good that he is going to group therapy, however treatment for PTSD is extensive and he will need years of various types of therapy to be able to manage his triggers appropriately.

 

There is also the added factor that his family is still in his life and continues to open the wound over and over again.

 

At the end of the day you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of this if you decide to stay.

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