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Thread: Chatting for 3 weeks and this message

  1. #11
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    Thank you for your wisdom. We seem to have lots in common and I was looking forward to getting to know him. Iím not offended, just surprised and saddened. I will write back and say thank you. I understand job instability is stressful for everyone. Iím sad he has to go through it now. Hopefully he finds another opportunity soon.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    To be honest, it does sound like it's out of his control. He's not trying to play you or run away.

    Job loss is pretty serious and very stressful. He probably has no idea where he will end up and I bet he's sitting there fearing the worst and not having a job or having to move.

    I think if you play it cool and be supportive like you said you would be, you will get a good reaction once things have settled down for him and he's not so worried.

  3. #13
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    I canít imagine dealing with job loss, which reminds me to start saving more because it can happen when least expected. Itís scary, stressful, and frightening. However, heís a well educated engineer so Iím hopeful he will find a new role soon.

    SherrySher, what response should I send him? Just say, Iím sorry to hear about your job situation, hope it improves soon. Letís reconnect when things have settled.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    At least he gave you the courtesy to explain where he's at in life. Please understand that he needs to survive first before he can even fathom social correspondence. His bread 'n butter issues come first and and foremost. He needs to prioritize food on the table and a roof over his head!

    Allow him to get serious with attaining his next job, wait until he get settled in AND then he'll have brain space for you. Until then, back off, be mature and understanding and give him SPACE. When he's ready to resume correspondence and meeting you, let him make the first move and reach out to you. Never hound a man. They hate that. Treat him with respect and don't text relentlessly. Have some mystery and independence because it makes you attractive instead of desperate and insecure.

    Exercise discretion.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It's important to remember that on any dating site, people are messaging and meeting several people to hope for a match. It sounds like he simply found someone who is a better match for him. The job thing is simply an excuse. After one date, he simply used the "busy, stressed" excuse. Do not pursue him.
    Originally Posted by heartbroken84
    We chatted for 3 weeks and met once.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by heartbroken84
    Thank you for your wisdom. We seem to have lots in common and I was looking forward to getting to know him. Iím not offended, just surprised and saddened. I will write back and say thank you. I understand job instability is stressful for everyone. Iím sad he has to go through it now. Hopefully he finds another opportunity soon.
    I think you're way too invested for a near stranger you met once. I so respect what he wrote to you. It was over and above what someone in his situation should do for someone they've only met once. If he changes his mind or his situation changes he knows where to find you.

    I would respond "I really appreciate you letting me know and I wish you all the best. Happy to help if you need help with a resume, etc."

    I would only add the last sentence if indeed you have the time to help or want to help without any ulterior motives.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    His comment about how YOU were pursuing the relationship is very telling. I could see he sensed you were overly invested after only one date, and projecting to the future, either by a gut feeling or that maybe you were over the top with lengthy communication in messaging him, or requesting those weekly meet ups with him.

    In the future, I'd suggest taking things with a day-by-day attitude, instead of seeing a man as your lifetime partner that you have to put in the time with to get to that inevitable point. Maybe he saw your communication as speaking of serious relationship matters too soon, if that was the case, when the first meeting and communication should just be fun, light and airy, talking about things like: Do you have pets? What do you like about your job? What are your hobbies?

    Even if a guy is looking for a new job, he can still text or call a few times a week. If he has time to go to the bathroom, he has time to do that. He still needs to eat, and would likely have time for a two hour lunch, at least once a week. It's not like a person would find five viable job opportunities per day that he'd be applying for hour upon hour. I just don't buy that scenario.

    He doesn't find you to be a good match. I'd just reply, "Okay. Good luck with your job situation." And then move on. Good luck.

  9. #18
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    We met off a Muslim dating site geared towards marriage and he told me he was seriously dating for marriage. And he told me he was not a serial dater and that he couldn’t marry before March etc. I was taking it easy, and letting him take the lead. He texted me everyday and I don’t think it was me coming off strong. Who knows. Thanks for the advice.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That's ok. After one date/meeting either one can decide it's not a match,no? Just keep meeting appropriate men until you find the match you are looking for.
    Originally Posted by heartbroken84
    We met off a Muslim dating site geared towards marriage and he told me he was seriously dating for marriage.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by heartbroken84
    We met off a Muslim dating site geared towards marriage and he told me he was seriously dating for marriage. And he told me he was not a serial dater and that he couldn’t marry before March etc. I was taking it easy, and letting him take the lead. He texted me everyday and I don’t think it was me coming off strong. Who knows. Thanks for the advice.
    A man can tell you a lot of things, it doesn't mean that it's truth. Would be a really good idea for you to take things that guys say with a large grain of salt, take a step back and pay more attention to whether their actions align with their words. In this case, it didn't. Doesn't even matter why. He just didn't walk the talk and that's all you need to know.

    Keep dating, keep looking. To find the right person is a lot like looking for a needle in a haystack. Do try to avoid too much online chatting that creates a false sense of "knowing" the person. Relationship form in real life - again, actions.

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