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Thread: Should i reach out to my ex or not?

  1. #1

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    Should i reach out to my ex or not?

    Hi guys,
    will keep this short.
    Went out for 8 months. I wasn't a good boyfreind and took her for granted.


    Our break up was bad. Both our fault. She broke up with me because her feelings changed however she was lying about seeing other guys while still seeing/hanging out with me even though we had broken up. I had to use fake profiles to message guys who i thought she was seeing to confirm if it was true not ( i could of got an STD?) I was heart broken and reacted real bad by threatening her and calling her names.


    Ok so after our break up she blocked me on facebook and deleted me on snapchat (our main form of communication). I wrote her a letter 2 weeks later telling her i apologise for the things i said and i appreciate our time together (i didn't beg for her back). She messaged me saying she is in a relationship now and not to contact her :(

    About 30 days later she tries to call me. I fell for the bait and called her back she texted and said she called by accident. She did it again the next day and i don't respond.

    It's been 60 days since that exchange and about 90 days since our break up.


    I'm really stuck on this girl. It's really affected me and i've been fired from my job due to this break up.

    I wonder if she thinks or even cares about me. I guess she does because i searched her name on instagram and she had blocked me (about 2 weeks ago) (usually her name appears in the search bar).


    Anyway i realy want to reach out to her. It's like i want to just see if we can reconcile. If she rejects me i can finally move on. But i guess i'm still hopeful and still think about her because i cling to this hope. Should i continue no contact or should i reach out to her - maybe ask her about a beach we went to and the name of it..get talking again? I don';t know

  2. #2
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    Step back and read everything you just wrote.

    I'm not being mean just to be mean, I really think you need to hear this. If you cannot see it yourself, it screams out the following, "pathetic, delusional, desperate, clingy, loser, and a mess". You even interpreted her blocking you on Instagram as possibly thinking about you or caring about you? Are you kidding? I hope you are trolling, I really do.

    She is totally over you. She made that clear with the "I'm in a relationship, do not contact me", plus all the blocking on social media. Maybe, just maybe... she had moments of weakness 60 days ago, perhaps her new boyfriend treated her badly that day... but you were with her for only 8 months, she started sleeping with other guys right after your breakup, or mostly like, she cheated on you because she never cared about you that much. "feelings changed" is code for "I found somebody else I like better" the majority of the time in short relationships.

    It is completely unhealthy how invested you are in such a person after such a short relationship, to the extent of destroying your own career, and especially given the complete disregard and disrespect she has demonstrated towards you. I would not even fathom ever forgiving anyone who slept around recklessly and put my health at risk, let alone want to beg for them back.

    Work on your self-respect, career and other personal development. No woman with any self-worth will find you remotely attractive at present. Move on.

  3. #3

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    Originally Posted by MirrorKnight
    Step back and read everything you just wrote.

    I'm not being mean just to be mean, I really think you need to hear this. If you cannot see it yourself, it screams out the following, "pathetic, delusional, desperate, clingy, loser, and a mess". You even interpreted her blocking you on Instagram as possibly thinking about you or caring about you? Are you kidding? I hope you are trolling, I really do.

    She is totally over you. She made that clear with the "I'm in a relationship, do not contact me", plus all the blocking on social media. Maybe, just maybe... she had moments of weakness 60 days ago, perhaps her new boyfriend treated her badly that day... but you were with her for only 8 months, she started sleeping with other guys right after your breakup, or mostly like, she cheated on you because she never cared about you that much. "feelings changed" is code for "I found somebody else I like better" the majority of the time in short relationships.

    It is completely unhealthy how invested you are in such a person after such a short relationship, to the extent of destroying your own career, and especially given the complete disregard and disrespect she has demonstrated towards you. I would not even fathom ever forgiving anyone who slept around recklessly and put my health at risk, let alone want to beg for them back.

    Work on your self-respect, career and other personal development. No woman with any self-worth will find you remotely attractive at present. Move on.
    Thanks for your response but I'm struggling to move on. I feel so depressed and lonely and have never had Such a connection with a girl. I still check her social media daily.

    if she didn't care or think of me why would she even bother blocking me on Instagram when we were not even following each other to begin with ?

    also just because she is in a relationship (now she isn't) that doesn't mean I can't reattract her even if she has moved on?

  4. #4
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    I block someone because I don't want them contacting me.

    When I tell someone I'm dating someone else it's not because I really want to date them.

    She is being very clear. You just don't want to believe it.

    Please don't embarrass yourself by trying to contact her. There are millions of women in the world. Instead of wasting your time chasing someone who has clearly told you she's not interested, how about focusing on moving forward in your life so you can eventually meet someone who DOES want to be with you?

    PS: please don't waste your time or money on any of those scam "get your ex back, guaranteed! !!" websites. They don't work and just want your money.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by angelo44
    Thanks for your response but I'm struggling to move on. I feel so depressed and lonely and have never had Such a connection with a girl. I still check her social media daily.

    if she didn't care or think of me why would she even bother blocking me on Instagram when we were not even following each other to begin with ?

    also just because she is in a relationship (now she isn't) that doesn't mean I can't reattract her even if she has moved on?
    If you were a healthy (mentally), stable and desirable man with an ounce of self-worth, you would not even want her back after how she treated you.

    Your "connection" is one-sided, which means it was not a connection, or it did not mean anywhere near as much to her as it did to you if she was screwing other guys whilst dating you, or shortly after dating you. You are deluded, in love with the idea of a woman who does not exist in reality, and more importantly, somebody who has no respect for you and clearly does not like you anymore.

    Maybe she blocked you on Instagram because she does not want an ex stalking her on social media? Maybe you mean so little to her she did not think to do it until two weeks ago. Stop with your delusions. Work on yourself. Move on.

  7. #6

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I block someone because I don't want them contacting me.

    When I tell someone I'm dating someone else it's not because I really want to date them.

    She is being very clear. You just don't want to believe it.

    Please don't embarrass yourself by trying to contact her. There are millions of women in the world. Instead of wasting your time chasing someone who has clearly told you she's not interested, how about focusing on moving forward in your life so you can eventually meet someone who DOES want to be with you?

    PS: please don't waste your time or money on any of those scam "get your ex back, guaranteed! !!" websites. They don't work and just want your money.
    Sorry but you are making it out like i message and text her daily when that's not the case at all. She has blocked me yes, when i did contact her she was in a relationship. Now she is not.

  8. #7

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    Originally Posted by MirrorKnight
    If you were a healthy (mentally), stable and desirable man with an ounce of self-worth, you would not even want her back after how she treated you.

    Your "connection" is one-sided, which means it was not a connection, or it did not mean anywhere near as much to her as it did to you if she was screwing other guys whilst dating you, or shortly after dating you. You are deluded, in love with the idea of a woman who does not exist in reality, and more importantly, somebody who has no respect for you and clearly does not like you anymore.

    Maybe she blocked you on Instagram because she does not want an ex stalking her on social media? Maybe you mean so little to her she did not think to do it until two weeks ago. Stop with your delusions. Work on yourself. Move on.

    How could she even know i was stalking her on instagram? I don't watch her stories so why would she blocke me out of the blue. She clearly still thinks of me?

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by angelo44
    How could she even know i was stalking her on instagram? I don't watch her stories so why would she blocke me out of the blue. She clearly still thinks of me?
    Maybe you mean so little to her she did not think to do it until two weeks ago.

    You are not absorbing anything. This is pointless if you continue to read only what you want to see, and believe what you want to believe.

    I am quite careful to not jump to conclusions in complicated cases here. But your case is not complicated. It is as simple as they come, but you are in so deep that you cannot see basic common sense. I don't feel there is anything else I can add. I strongly encourage you to just read the above over and over until you take it in.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Ok... I can understand butter fingers and someone miss-dialing. The point she made to tell you she's in a relationship means it's finished, OP. This is done and over. Do not contact. If it bothers you that she's a bit careless with her phone and could confuse you again by dialing you, block her number or mute the phone calls coming from her (send her to vm). Don't stay hung up on this forever. Meet new people, make an effort to really try and get out of this zone you're in. It's not healthy for you. Onwards and forwards.

  11. #10
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    This is over, OP.

    It sounds like it was a toxic and immature relationship, and that you have some maturing to do. I am not saying that she doesn't, but we're only getting your side of things. If breaking up led to losing your job, calling her names and threatening her, it's clear you need a better set of coping mechanisms when life hands you lemons. You don't appear to be able to handle your emotions constructively. Have you considered some professional help with that?

    Leave her be, in any case. It's very clear she doesn't want to hear from you.

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