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Should i reach out to my ex or not?


angelo44

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Hi guys,

will keep this short.

Went out for 8 months. I wasn't a good boyfreind and took her for granted.

 

 

Our break up was bad. Both our fault. She broke up with me because her feelings changed however she was lying about seeing other guys while still seeing/hanging out with me even though we had broken up. I had to use fake profiles to message guys who i thought she was seeing to confirm if it was true not ( i could of got an STD?) I was heart broken and reacted real bad by threatening her and calling her names.

 

 

Ok so after our break up she blocked me on facebook and deleted me on snapchat (our main form of communication). I wrote her a letter 2 weeks later telling her i apologise for the things i said and i appreciate our time together (i didn't beg for her back). She messaged me saying she is in a relationship now and not to contact her :(

 

About 30 days later she tries to call me. I fell for the bait and called her back she texted and said she called by accident. She did it again the next day and i don't respond.

 

It's been 60 days since that exchange and about 90 days since our break up.

 

 

I'm really stuck on this girl. It's really affected me and i've been fired from my job due to this break up.

 

I wonder if she thinks or even cares about me. I guess she does because i searched her name on instagram and she had blocked me (about 2 weeks ago) (usually her name appears in the search bar).

 

 

Anyway i realy want to reach out to her. It's like i want to just see if we can reconcile. If she rejects me i can finally move on. But i guess i'm still hopeful and still think about her because i cling to this hope. Should i continue no contact or should i reach out to her - maybe ask her about a beach we went to and the name of it..get talking again? I don';t know

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Step back and read everything you just wrote.

 

I'm not being mean just to be mean, I really think you need to hear this. If you cannot see it yourself, it screams out the following, "pathetic, delusional, desperate, clingy, loser, and a mess". You even interpreted her blocking you on Instagram as possibly thinking about you or caring about you? Are you kidding? I hope you are trolling, I really do.

 

She is totally over you. She made that clear with the "I'm in a relationship, do not contact me", plus all the blocking on social media. Maybe, just maybe... she had moments of weakness 60 days ago, perhaps her new boyfriend treated her badly that day... but you were with her for only 8 months, she started sleeping with other guys right after your breakup, or mostly like, she cheated on you because she never cared about you that much. "feelings changed" is code for "I found somebody else I like better" the majority of the time in short relationships.

 

It is completely unhealthy how invested you are in such a person after such a short relationship, to the extent of destroying your own career, and especially given the complete disregard and disrespect she has demonstrated towards you. I would not even fathom ever forgiving anyone who slept around recklessly and put my health at risk, let alone want to beg for them back.

 

Work on your self-respect, career and other personal development. No woman with any self-worth will find you remotely attractive at present. Move on.

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Step back and read everything you just wrote.

 

I'm not being mean just to be mean, I really think you need to hear this. If you cannot see it yourself, it screams out the following, "pathetic, delusional, desperate, clingy, loser, and a mess". You even interpreted her blocking you on Instagram as possibly thinking about you or caring about you? Are you kidding? I hope you are trolling, I really do.

 

She is totally over you. She made that clear with the "I'm in a relationship, do not contact me", plus all the blocking on social media. Maybe, just maybe... she had moments of weakness 60 days ago, perhaps her new boyfriend treated her badly that day... but you were with her for only 8 months, she started sleeping with other guys right after your breakup, or mostly like, she cheated on you because she never cared about you that much. "feelings changed" is code for "I found somebody else I like better" the majority of the time in short relationships.

 

It is completely unhealthy how invested you are in such a person after such a short relationship, to the extent of destroying your own career, and especially given the complete disregard and disrespect she has demonstrated towards you. I would not even fathom ever forgiving anyone who slept around recklessly and put my health at risk, let alone want to beg for them back.

 

Work on your self-respect, career and other personal development. No woman with any self-worth will find you remotely attractive at present. Move on.

 

Thanks for your response but I'm struggling to move on. I feel so depressed and lonely and have never had Such a connection with a girl. I still check her social media daily.

 

if she didn't care or think of me why would she even bother blocking me on Instagram when we were not even following each other to begin with ?

 

also just because she is in a relationship (now she isn't) that doesn't mean I can't reattract her even if she has moved on?

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I block someone because I don't want them contacting me.

 

When I tell someone I'm dating someone else it's not because I really want to date them.

 

She is being very clear. You just don't want to believe it.

 

Please don't embarrass yourself by trying to contact her. There are millions of women in the world. Instead of wasting your time chasing someone who has clearly told you she's not interested, how about focusing on moving forward in your life so you can eventually meet someone who DOES want to be with you?

 

PS: please don't waste your time or money on any of those scam "get your ex back, guaranteed! !!" websites. They don't work and just want your money.

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Thanks for your response but I'm struggling to move on. I feel so depressed and lonely and have never had Such a connection with a girl. I still check her social media daily.

 

if she didn't care or think of me why would she even bother blocking me on Instagram when we were not even following each other to begin with ?

 

also just because she is in a relationship (now she isn't) that doesn't mean I can't reattract her even if she has moved on?

 

If you were a healthy (mentally), stable and desirable man with an ounce of self-worth, you would not even want her back after how she treated you.

 

Your "connection" is one-sided, which means it was not a connection, or it did not mean anywhere near as much to her as it did to you if she was screwing other guys whilst dating you, or shortly after dating you. You are deluded, in love with the idea of a woman who does not exist in reality, and more importantly, somebody who has no respect for you and clearly does not like you anymore.

 

Maybe she blocked you on Instagram because she does not want an ex stalking her on social media? Maybe you mean so little to her she did not think to do it until two weeks ago. Stop with your delusions. Work on yourself. Move on.

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I block someone because I don't want them contacting me.

 

When I tell someone I'm dating someone else it's not because I really want to date them.

 

She is being very clear. You just don't want to believe it.

 

Please don't embarrass yourself by trying to contact her. There are millions of women in the world. Instead of wasting your time chasing someone who has clearly told you she's not interested, how about focusing on moving forward in your life so you can eventually meet someone who DOES want to be with you?

 

PS: please don't waste your time or money on any of those scam "get your ex back, guaranteed! !!" websites. They don't work and just want your money.

 

Sorry but you are making it out like i message and text her daily when that's not the case at all. She has blocked me yes, when i did contact her she was in a relationship. Now she is not.

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If you were a healthy (mentally), stable and desirable man with an ounce of self-worth, you would not even want her back after how she treated you.

 

Your "connection" is one-sided, which means it was not a connection, or it did not mean anywhere near as much to her as it did to you if she was screwing other guys whilst dating you, or shortly after dating you. You are deluded, in love with the idea of a woman who does not exist in reality, and more importantly, somebody who has no respect for you and clearly does not like you anymore.

 

Maybe she blocked you on Instagram because she does not want an ex stalking her on social media? Maybe you mean so little to her she did not think to do it until two weeks ago. Stop with your delusions. Work on yourself. Move on.

 

 

How could she even know i was stalking her on instagram? I don't watch her stories so why would she blocke me out of the blue. She clearly still thinks of me?

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How could she even know i was stalking her on instagram? I don't watch her stories so why would she blocke me out of the blue. She clearly still thinks of me?

 

Maybe you mean so little to her she did not think to do it until two weeks ago.

 

You are not absorbing anything. This is pointless if you continue to read only what you want to see, and believe what you want to believe.

 

I am quite careful to not jump to conclusions in complicated cases here. But your case is not complicated. It is as simple as they come, but you are in so deep that you cannot see basic common sense. I don't feel there is anything else I can add. I strongly encourage you to just read the above over and over until you take it in.

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Ok... I can understand butter fingers and someone miss-dialing. The point she made to tell you she's in a relationship means it's finished, OP. This is done and over. Do not contact. If it bothers you that she's a bit careless with her phone and could confuse you again by dialing you, block her number or mute the phone calls coming from her (send her to vm). Don't stay hung up on this forever. Meet new people, make an effort to really try and get out of this zone you're in. It's not healthy for you. Onwards and forwards.

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This is over, OP.

 

It sounds like it was a toxic and immature relationship, and that you have some maturing to do. I am not saying that she doesn't, but we're only getting your side of things. If breaking up led to losing your job, calling her names and threatening her, it's clear you need a better set of coping mechanisms when life hands you lemons. You don't appear to be able to handle your emotions constructively. Have you considered some professional help with that?

 

Leave her be, in any case. It's very clear she doesn't want to hear from you.

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Ok... I can understand butter fingers and someone miss-dialing. The point she made to tell you she's in a relationship means it's finished, OP. This is done and over. Do not contact. If it bothers you that she's a bit careless with her phone and could confuse you again by dialing you, block her number or mute the phone calls coming from her (send her to vm). Don't stay hung up on this forever. Meet new people, make an effort to really try and get out of this zone you're in. It's not healthy for you. Onwards and forwards.

 

 

 

I want to elaborate

 

When i sent her a letter in the mail, she told me not to send letters to her house because her family saw it and that she is in a relationship now.

I apologised and said the letter was for her and she said well you could of just texted me.

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Sorry this happened. Don't participate in these games. If you have nonexclusive hookups, wear condoms. Don't catfish people, it's creepy. Delete and block her and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps and do not catfish or troll her to stalk and snoop.

 

Get your self-respect together and move on. Unfortunately you have entered the stalking creep zone and you need to stop before you get charged with stalking, harassment or get a restraining order slapped on you. Keep in mind your "fake profiles" are very easy to trace.

I had to use fake profiles to message guys who i thought she was seeing to confirm if it was true not ( i could of got an STD?) I was heart broken and reacted real bad by threatening her and calling her names.
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Sorry but you are making it out like i message and text her daily when that's not the case at all. She has blocked me yes, when i did contact her she was in a relationship. Now she is not.

 

I never said you text her daily. Where did I say that?

 

It seems you want to be encouraged to contact her rather than asking for actual advice.

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Sorry this happened. Don't participate in these games. If you have nonexclusive hookups, wear condoms. Don't catfish people, it's creepy. Delete and block her and all her people from all your social media and messaging apps and do not catfish or troll her to stalk and snoop.

 

Get your self-respect together and move on. Unfortunately you have entered the stalking creep zone and you need to stop before you get charged with stalking, harassment or get a restraining order slapped on you. Keep in mind your "fake profiles" are very easy to trace.

 

Hi yes,

I deeply regret the way I acted.

The problem was that she was flat out lying to me about sleeping with other men whilst still talking to me and sleeping with me. I mean i could of got an STD or something. I started getting real anxious so mad a fake profile and messaged the dude who she slept with to confirm.

You can say it's creepy and yea i guess it is but at the same time, i was real worried about my health . Imagine if i got herpes or something?

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This is over, OP.

 

It sounds like it was a toxic and immature relationship, and that you have some maturing to do. I am not saying that she doesn't, but we're only getting your side of things. If breaking up led to losing your job, calling her names and threatening her, it's clear you need a better set of coping mechanisms when life hands you lemons. You don't appear to be able to handle your emotions constructively. Have you considered some professional help with that?

 

Leave her be, in any case. It's very clear she doesn't want to hear from you.

 

 

Yes, i've gotten professional help.

I deeply regret the way i acted when things went bad. But i guess it's easy to say in hindsight. Love is a powerful drug. Hell, people suicide over love.

 

Its strange how it seems like you're defending her when she was talking to me, having sex with me and telling me that she wanted to continually see me WHILST doing this with other men..

it's very heart breaking and i felt so angry , depressed and insecure when i found out the truth...

I would never do such a thing to a girl myself..

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Ok guys i'm accepting the fact it's over

 

how do i move on though? i feel realy bad about the way i acted and everything i did when things ended. TBH, she wass't an angel herself but i still feel bad aabout it.. i was so out of character..

 

Forgive yourself because everyone has done things they regret.

 

But I can tell you for sure, trying to get back with her is not the answer. Besides, she treated you disrespectfully. Why would you want her back anyway? And please don't say it's because you "love her".

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Ok guys i'm accepting the fact it's over

 

how do i move on though? i feel realy bad about the way i acted and everything i did when things ended. TBH, she wass't an angel herself but i still feel bad aabout it.. i was so out of character..

 

you move on by never contacting her again and not treating the next woman you meet the same

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Forgive yourself because everyone has done things they regret.

 

But I can tell you for sure, trying to get back with her is not the answer. Besides, she treated you disrespectfully. Why would you want her back anyway? And please don't say it's because you "love her".

 

Hey Boltnrun thanks for your response

 

 

Here are my issues. i'm 25 and don't have many friends at all. I work a boring office job and have been stuck in the same routine for years. I'm very lonely and depressed and have very low self esteem.

 

I've met a few girls through online dating that i had a few casual flings with.

 

When i met this girl i felt a real connection with her and really enjoyed spending time with her. All of a sudden we started seeing each other and i was so happy. Just having someone to hang out with, do stuff with , go to the gym with. I haven't felt like this for years. However, i knew that this girl had a lot of issues/red flags. She told me weird things, acted very immature, had a lot of male friends etc. So i was really torn - 1 part of me loved the companionship but the logical part of me knew i shouldn't have a serious relationship with a girl like her.

 

 

Unfortunately i developed a very strong attachment to her and fell in love with her.

When she stuffed me around and dumped me i was realy heart broken and hurt and felt insecure like i wasn't good enough hence why i reacted so badly.

 

Now i'm back to being lonely. I have no friends, no one to talk to nothing. She was like an anti depressant for me. I've considered suicide lately tbh. I really miss her. She was fun, enthusiastic, bubbly personality. I've been on a few other dates but it just isn't the same.

 

 

last night i went to a brothel because i felt so lonely but stil thought of her and still miss her. I wish i never went out with her i wish i could remain lonely/ignorant

 

Oh well

 

i'll probably suicide in a few years anyway so who cares

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Ok guys i'm accepting the fact it's over

 

how do i move on though? i feel realy bad about the way i acted and everything i did when things ended. TBH, she wass't an angel herself but i still feel bad aabout it.. i was so out of character..

 

You move on by not being mean and small-minded, letting go of the past and taking the lessons with you to the future. A lot of people turn to vindictiveness or want justification for the betrayal or hurt that someone else has caused. This is only human but to act on it is a bad idea. Don't become that person.

 

If she made questionable choices while she was with you, be humble and accept that you invited her into your life. Be accountable for YOUR actions. Don't keep pushing the blame on someone else. Remember that it took both of you to come together, two to tango. Get yourself checked but stop that unending loop of blame. You're sounding a bit like a broken record and no one likes being around a mean person who likes to blame others.

 

Be adult about it, humble enough to accept your part in all of it and learn from the mistakes. Acknowledge all of that and then get up. Brush it off and take only the lessons with you. Leave the rest behind.

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Finding a girl is not the answer to how you feel about yourself. That's a bandaid.

 

What is something you've always wanted to do? What's your dream job? Is there somewhere you've always wanted to travel to? An event or place you'd like to see or go to? Something you have always wanted to do or try?

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Finding a girl is not the answer to how you feel about yourself. That's a bandaid.

 

What is something you've always wanted to do? What's your dream job? Is there somewhere you've always wanted to travel to? An event or place you'd like to see or go to? Something you have always wanted to do or try?

 

I know that.

 

I'm not sure. I used to have dreams, but now i'm just depressed all the time.

 

I wish i didn't post here. it has brouht back memories. WHne i used a fake account to message that dude he said that my ex "messaged heaps of my mates and she is a big slu1t " . God i can't believe it. Who knows how many men she was sleeping with and stuff or has slept with. I'm thinking 50+

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So? She doesn't have to report to you. After you dumped her and decided to have sex anyway you wear condoms. You did not want to be exclusive, so what's your beef? If you are that worried about STDs go to a doctor, become a monk or wear protection. STD worries don't cause people to catfish and stalk.

 

Don't use the STD line when it's really about insane jealousy possessiveness and pathological stalking. Just stop, you're in the danger-zone with this line of thinking. All you have to do is get over yourself and move on.

The problem was that she was flat out lying to me about sleeping with other men whilst still talking to me and sleeping with me.

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I know that.

 

I'm not sure. I used to have dreams, but now i'm just depressed all the time.

 

I wish i didn't post here. it has brouht back memories. WHne i used a fake account to message that dude he said that my ex "messaged heaps of my mates and she is a big slu1t " . God i can't believe it. Who knows how many men she was sleeping with and stuff or has slept with. I'm thinking 50+

 

If somebody really behaved like that, why do you still give a rat's a$$ about her? I mean seriously... where is your dignity and self worth?

 

I am finding it very hard to break up with my girlfriend because she is a genuinely lovely, faithful, honest, generous, kind and wonderful human being who loves me. If I found out she was recklessly promiscuous and did not respect me, let alone love me, I would have broken up with her instantly (and then immediately got checked for STDs), and whilst I might be very disappointed and heartbroken because I somehow totally misread a person, I would get over it pretty quickly because somebody like that is not worth shedding tears over.

 

At this point I kind of hope you are making up her flaws to feel better about being rejected by her. But either way, it is not healthy in the slightest.

 

Oh and as Wiseman pointed out, this catfishing, stalking etc is beyond creepy and bordering on criminal. Go find a good therapist and sort yourself out.

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That and catfishing is far from "love". It's all about you and using people and abusing the internet to catfish and stalk for your own amusement, wrath and sick revenge. Go to a psychiatrist if you are depressed. "Love" does not make people unhinge like this. You need to see a doctor and a therapist. Stop harassing her.

She was like an anti depressant for me.
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