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Thread: Advice regarding relationship with pregnant GF

  1. #1

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    Advice regarding relationship with pregnant GF

    Hi all,

    So I've been with my girlfriend for about just over 2 years now. She moved into my house which I have a mortgage for about 7 months ago.

    All was well to begin with, then after she moved in she started doing things that annoyed me a little. The way she spoke to me was quite rude sometimes. For example after I'd washed the dishes if she found a small bit of food left on them that I'd missed she'd kick off, usually like "oh ing hell ill just do them from now on". Then when I'd hoover the house I wouldn't be doing it the way she does so it'd be wrong. Little things like that. I guess I bit my tongue and let her get away with it but after a while I felt like I was pretty useless and started to hesitate doing stuff around my house for fear of doing something wrong. This meant I started to get quite defensive and would react angrily to her sometimes. I put this off as every couple has their little problems and niggles.

    A few months after she moved into my house she became very unhappy with the house, at first it was the decorating. She redecorated the front bedroom, living room and hallway. I have paid to have the garden and bathroom completely redone.

    Late last year she became pregnant, we had talked about having a baby this year and at first I was very happy and excited. She is now about 10 weeks into the pregnancy.

    Friday last week we had a big argument, she has had it with the house, she believes it's too small for ourselves and a baby. It's a 2 bedroom house and I simply don't agree with this. She says she cannot enjoy living there because every room she goes in she sees problems that need fixing and she cannot relax, even those we have redecorated. I have told her that I cannot commit to the process of buying a new house whilst a baby is on the horizon and have said that I believe the best time for is to look at moving would be once the baby is 6 months to a year old. She now tells me she feels trapped since I'm the one that earns the higher wage and would be the one that funds the majority of the house deposit. She tells me she cannot look forward to having a baby whilst there are problems with the house such as storage and space.

    We didn't have a great sex life, now it's non existant. I started a new job with a senior role in November and I am currently still in my probation period. This on top of life at home has caused me to struggle with my libido. Our level of intimacy has become very low aswell.

    Sunday morning I woke up and wished her a good morning to which she replied with "house is ed". I told her I didn't appreciate being spoken to that way and she told me that she can talk to me however she likes.

    We have argued and I have said things I aren't proud of, I said that I feel baby trapped, that she is using the pregnancy to try and get out of the house that she has never really liked.

    After a day of being apart from each other I went home and said to her "everything aside I do love you and am looking forward to having a child with you" to which she replied "well you don't have a choice now".

    We had another conversation yesterday where I tried to compromise, get decorators in to finish the house and fix up stuff she doesn't like until we look at moving once the baby is here but she just replies with "well I don't really have a choice". When I asked her about how she feels about our relationship she tells me I give her nothing, I am awkward with her and we never have sex. All are true, I have been awkward with her recently down to stress and I apologise to her for this. She just said that I shouldn't be stressed about the baby because it's her body and if I'm stressed about the new job then why did I take it. She also wouldnt say she loves me.

    Her family live 30 miles away and other than me she has nothing for her here in this city, she has no support base other than me. She has no friends other than friends of my own. She has no one to fall back on and I'm concerned that this is the only reason she won't end the relationship.

    Im really struggling now, I appreciate that she is 10 weeks pregnant and her hormones are really playing up. She's told me how bad she feels, tired and achey and it must really suck but I struggle getting talked to like I am. I hate to say this but if she told me she wants to break up I'd be upset but also very relieved.

    I cannot wait to be a dad and I cannot wait to contribute to my baby's life but at this point I'm struggling to find reasons to stay together other than the baby. The only thing stopping me is good memories of the past where we have been away, been to Venice and Rome and had great times. The good times we've both had.

    I just need some advice, my head is completely gone. I'm struggling to concentrate at work and by the end of the working day I have a pit of dread at the bottom of my stomach at the thought of going home.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It's difficult to understand why after dating 2 years you both seem to do everything unilaterally from home buying to family planning. Nothing seems to be a joint decision. You seem to be keeping her at arm's length and she seems to be resentful, yet willing to stay with you.

    This situation seems quite forced. It seems as though she is with you because she has no one else and you are with her because she's now pregnant. She seems desperate if she is getting pregnant with someone who doesn't want to live together, get married or treat her as a partner.

  3. #3

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    Just to clarify, I asked her to move in with myebecause I want to live with her and I have promised to save atleast 1k a month until the baby is 6 months to a year old so we can both buy a house we're will be very happy with.

    Id like to ask why you feel as though I don't treat her as a partner? Is that down to the lack of sex?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Th lack of sex is because she resents you and there is way too much arguing and relationship conflict. You also do not plan things together. You do your thing, she does hers. At least you make it sound almost as if she is homeless and got herself pregnant and you took pity on her so allowed her to live with you and allowed her to keep the child. Yet you paint yourself the victim that she complains about the decorations. You are very incompatible and it's doubtful things will improve on this trajectory. You seem to treat her as a roommate with benefits and she treats you with great disdain.
    Originally Posted by colinbest2
    I don't treat her as a partner? Is that down to the lack of sex?

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  6. #5

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    It's her complaining about the lack of sex. Not me. We planned to have a baby this year together. We both agreed for her to move into my house when she did. I simply cannot agree to put more financial strain on us both by undertaking buying a new house whilst having the financial strain of a new baby. We've always agreed together that we will move into a forever home unfortunately she wants to move ASAP and I want to do after the baby is born for the reasons stated.

    Either I haven't explained things properly or your making alot of assumptions here.

    Perhaps your right, perhaps the relationship is doomed.

    Cheers.

  7. #6

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    Also I think youve mistaken the housing situation. I didn't buy a house behind her back . She moved into a house with me that I owned and paid for years before we met.

    Cheers.

  8. #7
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    I don't really understand why you wanted to have a baby with her if you were already annoyed at the things she said and were unsure of the relationship? Are you guys an older couple? Seemed like you were in a rush to move in together and have a child? To be really honest, from your post it sounds like you're both just settling for the other person. It doesn't sound like you're really in love or happy with each other. Sounds like you really grate on each other's nerves and don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. Ultimately it's your decision but you don't need to stay with her just because of the baby. You can still be in your child's life even if you break up.

  9. #8

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    Because all relationships have their niggles. My mistake was probably keeping quiet about them. This was my first relationship ever and first time living with anyone other than my parents. We're in our late 20s.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    I don't really understand why you wanted to have a baby with her if you were already annoyed at the things she said and were unsure of the relationship? Are you guys an older couple? Seemed like you were in a rush to move in together and have a child? To be really honest, from your post it sounds like you're both just settling for the other person. It doesn't sound like you're really in love or happy with each other. Sounds like you really grate on each other's nerves and don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. Ultimately it's your decision but you don't need to stay with her just because of the baby. You can still be in your child's life even if you break up.
    TD, it is what it is and they are trying to make a go of it.

    I hope they can.

    I think they should give it a go.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    How about going to couples counseling? Perhaps that would help sort things out. If you dont, I doubt this relationship will last.

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