Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 6 of 6 FirstFirst ... 3456
Results 51 to 59 of 59

Thread: Maybe we should separate

  1. #51
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    3,579
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Pocket theory: We should generally be as excited—and comforted—by what we don't know and can't understand about another person than what we can "figure out." In some ways, I'd say the people we can grow old with are those we are most comfortable never fully knowing because we're still getting to know them, in much the same way we spend our lives continually getting to know ourselves and learning to be comfortable—and excited—by the idea that we contain things inside still to be discovered.

    Woo-woo, I know. But I'll post it anyway as a potential toehold on the rock face you're navigating.
    It's a lovely notion. But alas, it is not my situation. This is something else. Right now I'm at the point bluecastle was referring to. Where I'm holding out a vestige of hope for a breakthrough that will be a magic fix. As in, "If she will just share with me what she's feeling/thinking, it will all get better". But that is probably not the case. But I have to try. I currently have love in my life with a person who is good. There's a lot of people who don't. And she is someone I care for. I'm not at the point yet where I'm ready to throw it away. But I am reaching it. That song by Smokey Robinson comes to mind. "I'm just about at the end of my rope. But I can't give up trying. I can't give up hope". Although Smokey is singing about a woman who won't take him back, but still, that's where I'm at right now. I just have to work my way through it.

  2. #52
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,204
    Gender
    Male
    Yeah, I hear you. You know it's "something else" when what is inaccessible is a source of discomfort. That's when the head starts working overtime to feed the malnourished heart. What's in there? Is it what I need? Is it nothing? Was it all a fantasy? Am I crazy? Is she/he crazy? You're slipping around at the edge of that rabbit hole, not a fun a spot. But you've lived, you'll know when it gets too slippery for you.

  3. #53
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    3,579
    Gender
    Male
    So, I'm going to end it. I would appreciate any helpful and considerate advice on the best, most respectful, least painful way for her that I can say this to her.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,531
    Gender
    Male
    The best is to put it on yourself.
    Originally Posted by jul-els
    So, I'm going to end it. I would appreciate any helpful and considerate advice on the best, most respectful, least painful way for her that I can say this to her.

  5.  

  6. #55
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    3,579
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    The best is to put it on yourself.
    Can you elaborate?

  7. #56
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,531
    Gender
    Male
    Don't critique the relationship or elaborate on why she's this or that or not this or that. You've given it 1.5 years so plenty of time to attempt to work things out.
    Originally Posted by jul-els
    Can you elaborate?

  8. #57
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,734
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    The best is to put it on yourself.
    Yeah, you don't need agreement, you don't need approval. When the goal is to end it, then get it done by making yourself the bad guy so you can both move beyond it.

  9. #58
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    3,579
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Yeah, you don't need agreement, you don't need approval. When the goal is to end it, then get it done by making yourself the bad guy so you can both move beyond it.
    Oh, I handled that breakup perfectly then, lol. It didn't go smoothly at all and we didn't part peacefully, but with anger. Not at all what I wanted, but that's how it played out.

  10. #59
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,734
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by jul-els
    Oh, I handled that breakup perfectly then, lol. It didn't go smoothly at all and we didn't part peacefully, but with anger. Not at all what I wanted, but that's how it played out.
    Have you ever heard anyone boast about a 'good' breakup? Even when people mutually agree to break up, the bottom line is still a break up, and nobody ever comes away from that feeling fabulous.

    Head high.

Page 6 of 6 FirstFirst ... 3456

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •