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Thread: Maybe we should separate

  1. #11
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    *Duplicate post in response to bluecastle. Disregard.*

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Oh, I believe you. But you actually skipped my question. What is it, exactly, that you love about her? What is it that you are considering fighting for, or not? Is it something you have seen, and experienced, or is something you have hoped for, imagined? If you subtracted the physical connection here would you believe there is a "there" there to salvage?
    As I said, I don't know if it's something I can put into words. But I know it's there. I can feel her love for me and mine for her. There's absolutely no question in my mind about it. It's there and it's real. But it shouldn't hurt. But sometimes it does. Maybe that's just my problem? There's no simple answer. Ok, If I have to put it into words, what I really love about her is her affection. As I said I said in response to another person here, it's like she speaks with her affection in ways that words fail her. That's really the best I can describe it. It's tough to verbalize.

  3. #13
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    I don't think it's that bad based on what you've described, could be a lot worse. I wouldn't throw the relationship away , you still have a vibrant sex life . I would be happy with that. Hang out with your friends for emotional connection if you can't get it from her

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Viceroy
    I don't think it's that bad based on what you've described, could be a lot worse. I wouldn't throw the relationship away , you still have a vibrant sex life . I would be happy with that. Hang out with your friends for emotional connection if you can't get it from her
    I can do that. And it's an option if it's something she also wants. But I doubt that's feasible because it would downgrade the relationship. We would just be friends with benefits at that point. I want more than that. I want the whole package. But the arrangement you suggest could be an option that her and I could be happy with, maybe. I don't know. I'm not at that point yet.

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  6. #15
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    A relationship without communication (literally in this case) cannot be sustained. What do you love about her? Besides the sex. Lol

    I had to roll my eyes because I can't imagine myself bonding in any way with someone purely based on looks or sex.

    Isn't love about getting to know someone really well? How do you get to know someone if she literally doesn't talk? You are wasting your life.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Oh, I believe you. But you actually skipped my question. What is it, exactly, that you love about her? What is it that you are considering fighting for, or not? Is it something you have seen, and experienced, or is something you have hoped for, imagined? If you subtracted the physical connection here would you believe there is a "there" there to salvage?
    It's all infatuation. This isn't love.
    Oh and activity partners talk to each other lol. No amount of good sex makes up for boredom.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    A relationship without communication (literally in this case) cannot be sustained. What do you love about her? Besides the sex. Lol

    I had to roll my eyes because I can't imagine myself bonding in any way with someone purely based on looks or sex.

    Isn't love about getting to know someone really well? How do you get to know someone if she literally doesn't talk? You are wasting your life.
    We have a lot of fun shared experiences together. She got out of a 15 year relationship that was very abusive and unsafe. I think her letting me in as far as she has has been a big step for her. And I've been patient. But I want more from her. I don't know if she's capable of giving more, but I'd like to find out, if she can tell me. She talks to me on the phone. We face time every evening since our time together is so limited. Those are the times when she talks to me. But even then she's very tired and yawning a lot and sometimes too tired to really engage with me. Sometimes I'm okay with that because I'm beat, too. I work long days. She works hard too with a full time job and two boys to take care of. But I've tried all I can to bring her out of her shell and it's gotten to the point where I'm tired. I need some more reciprocation than what I'm getting. As to whether or not I'm wasting my life is not a call for you to make. I've been here 52 years and done fine so far. I'm living my life and having experiences. Some good, some not as good, but all of them are opportunities to grow and learn. They all have value and none of them go by unappreciated by me.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    It's all infatuation. This isn't love.
    Oh and activity partners talk to each other lol. No amount of good sex makes up for boredom.
    How very dismissive and judgemental of you. Thanks for your two cents, but no thanks. Disgusting.

  10. #19
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    I'm not dismissive. Tell us, what is it that you love about her. You said it yourself, 90 percent of the time, you're not even communicating. Sex isn't a relationship. A relationship is about communicating ideas and building a life together, sharing moments.

    You're frustrated and hurt cos she doesn't even talk to you.
    I don't understand? Why stay. As bluecastle said, take away the physical, what are you fighting for?

  11. #20
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    I've been in an abusive relationship too, it doesn't actually cause these kind of issues. I think she needs to see a therapist and I think you need to move on. All your wishing and hoping isn't going to change the reality of things. Don't you want more? You're not going to get it from her.

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