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Thread: Communication, Quality or Quantity

  1. #1
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    Communication, Quality or Quantity

    I have a question about determining a guy’s interest.

    We’ve been on two dates, he’s out of town this week but we’re getting together again once he’s back.

    My one concern is that he takes awhile to return texts. (He’s not married— I can imagine someone jumping to that conclusion).

    There’s no pattern to it, sometimes it’s a few hours after I’ve texted, other times 12 hours.

    In person he seems to really like me, in engaged in conversation and asks good questions.

    In terms of texting, when he does respond they are usually really interesting and I can tell he put thought into them.

    A lot of what I’ve come to expect in our modern cellphone culture is swift return of messages, especially from someone interested in you.

    Do you think that fewer messages of high quality makes up for the slow speed?

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like he's interested because you have a date lined up. You don't know him well enough to discern any sort of "pattern". People who get hung up on how many texts, how often, how long to respond, etc are usually single for a long long time. Texting is not dating.

    He's away. It's 2 dates . He has a life and other people in it. Relax and consider in person efforts and interactions are the real barometer of interest. Many intelligent people dislike mindless texting/chitchat.

    Never pull the reins in like this with text times. People take showers, eat, sleep,work, live life, etc. < Do that and look forward to the In-Person date.
    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    We’ve been on two dates, he’s out of town this week but we’re getting together again once he’s back.

    My one concern is that he takes awhile to return texts.!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I think what you learn about someone from the way they text is...the way they text. Trying to read into it as anything more than that is a blackhole. Of course, as with anything, if you don't like the way they text (or chew, or dance, or kiss, or...) it might mean they're not the person for you. But in terms of interest? I'd say someone you've gone on two dates with, with plans for a third, is interested in seeing you again. Great. What more can you ask from someone who is basically a stranger?

    For what it's worth, I'm all over the map with how I text. Sometimes I'm responsive, other times less so. Sometimes I'm all business ("Still good for 6pm?") and sometimes I'll drift into existential poetics. That's the case with friends, girlfriends, someone I'm flirting with dating, someone I'm flirting with. That's "how I text," in other words, not "how I show interest" (or not) via text message. Some women have found that frustrating; my girlfriend does not.

    So, just observe him, in 3D, to see how you feel about him, rather than analyzing his 2D self to see if he's interested in you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I was always like that too; it’s because I don’t want to build a relationship over text. Even now, my BF and I generally only communicate once a day over text... a quick check in to let the other know we are thinking of them... and then we FaceTime at the end of our day if we aren’t together.

    Focus on your life and getting to know each other in person vs online communication.

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  6. #5
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    You said this in your thread abou a different guy you were dating in Juky:
    "Good points,
    I’m going to take it easy like you suggested and just relax and see what he does with it :)"

    Remember that?

    You seem to have a tendency to stress over how much a man texts. How about forget about words typed onto a tiny screen and go by his in person interaction with you?

  7. #6
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    Different people have different habits when it comes to texting. Don't read too much into it.

    I sometimes mute phone notifications if I want to focus on something. Sometimes I will reply to very simple messages instantly, but leave those that require a little thinking until I got time to deal with it properly. For example if you message me about weekend date plans in the morning, I might leave it until the evening before I get back to you, because I don't want to think about planning and details until I am out of the hectic environment of the office.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Some people are simply not into texting and if they text, they aren't the ones who send nor expect instantaneous, relentless back 'n forth texting. It's simply not part of their DNA.

    Back off texting. If your house isn't on fire, don't text him! He prefers to chat with you in person or ask to schedule a phone chat with him when he's not busy such as at the end of the day. Don't make excessive contact.

    Possess an aura of mystery and independence because you'll be more alluring this way.

    Have a life of your own and make sure the guy doesn't become your whole life. Never obsess over anyone otherwise you're perceived as desperate and insecure.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Personally, I hate texting, messaging whatsapping or whatever. I see people on the train holding multiple different conversations and then when no-one has responded fast enough the search for someone else to message. It's like people are addicted to attention and must hben having as many conversations, group chats or whatever going at once to feel like they are important to someone.

    I don't want to be spending all day chit chatting back and forth about nothing, but then I'm a Ambivert - and extroverted introvert. I think deep and am happy to express it, but get bored with the drivel of constant texting and people's need for that constant attention.

    If you are judging him because he doesn't live up to your expectations, then the problem is you. Perhaps learn to put your phone down more and find something else to do outside of the constant need for communication.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    He's very clearly demonstrating that he isn't a texter. Chances are he could reply sooner if he wanted to. He doesn't, and that's fair enough. He's offering no allusion that he's gonna be the guy who's quick with his thumbs. If you need someone who texts frequently, then here's your sign. Otherwise, enjoy what he's doing to much more tangibly get the ball rolling between the two of you.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    I have a question about determining a guy’s interest.

    We’ve been on two dates, he’s out of town this week but we’re getting together again once he’s back.

    My one concern is that he takes awhile to return texts. (He’s not married— I can imagine someone jumping to that conclusion).

    There’s no pattern to it, sometimes it’s a few hours after I’ve texted, other times 12 hours.

    In person he seems to really like me, in engaged in conversation and asks good questions.

    In terms of texting, when he does respond they are usually really interesting and I can tell he put thought into them.

    A lot of what I’ve come to expect in our modern cellphone culture is swift return of messages, especially from someone interested in you.

    Do you think that fewer messages of high quality makes up for the slow speed?

    Thanks!
    Do you have a time and place plan yet for the next date or at least a specific day? That will affect some of my comments.

    In general here is how I evaluate interest in dating -a person is interested in dating another person if he /she asks the other person out on a date preferably in advance, time and place and shows up for the date. Other forms of interest in early dating might be there and are a waste of time/counterproductive to evaluate because you don't know the person and it's so subjective. Texting a lot can mean interest in building up an attachment to make it seem like it's been "longer" and therefore sex/sexual intimacy can happen faster, it can be an indication of boredom -the other person has lots of free time - it can be an indication of wanting to marry the person next month. Who knows. Not texting between planned dates -same hodgepodge of infinity of reasons. But asking out on dates shows interest in dating - no brainer.

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