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Thread: Communication, Quality or Quantity

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    To play the devil’s advocate, how would you guys make sense of the modern terms that have become so common they might be meme phrases: words like “Slow Fade” and “Ghosting”, how do these fit with the premise texting means nothing? Just curious ;)
    Texting means nothing about interest in dating unless the text is to make/plan/confirm a date. It can mean something of course about other aspects of getting to know someone. Last night what it meant to me was ill-advised texting instead of talking which I justified because I simply didn't want to wait the few hours before we could talk - ill-advised because I'd misunderstood what my husband meant by something he'd said to me in person so most of the text was irrelevant and rambling.
    Please don't focus on Memes -the "slow fade" was around in the 1980s too when I started dating we just might have called it something else. Ghosting to me is when someone you are involved with for months cuts off all contact without warning (or a good friend). I think it's fine to choose not to ask a person out on a date again and fine in traditional dating for a woman not to respond to a request to meet in person or to meet again if there's a reason that responding would not be a good idea. I never expected a guy to tell me the often silly "you're so amazing but I'm not going to ask you out again because I'm not ready for a relationship." I preferred silence. Silence =lack of interest (meaning just not asking me out again).

    Please do yourself a favor -if a long term relationship is your goal you'll burn yourself out if you keep focusing on minutae or trying to analyze what typed words mean. Or the lack of a response, etc.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    To play the devil’s advocate, how would you guys make sense of the modern terms that have become so common they might be meme phrases: words like “Slow Fade” and “Ghosting”, how do these fit with the premise texting means nothing? Just curious ;)
    What the others are saying.

    These are things people have been doing long before texting. Read Madame Bovary (published 1858) and see how she felt when Rodolfe, her hot but unavailable sometimes lover, stopped writing her languid letters with an ink-dipped quill. She was being "slow faded," maybe even "ghosted," though he did "man up" and send her the devastating "you're great but I'm just not feeling you" letter, with just the right dash of purple to keep her "in orbit." She tried to "recover" through a follow-up affair with Leon—because, hey, #yolo—but he quickly tired of her emotional excess and she tired of his tiring of her, and, like the modern tweens of today, she "literally wanted to die." But since she didn't have Instagram as an outlet, she swallowed arsenic instead, and literally died.

    What has maybe changed is that texting has conditioned (many) people to expect an extraordinary amount of contact from people, especially strangers. They feel "ghosted" when someone they've never met stops texting from a dating app, though once upon a time that was just talking to someone for a few minutes at a party or bar and then realizing they left without saying goodbye or asking for your number. A night out, not falling victim to a devastating act of human cruelty. And people deem a "slow fade" someone they've met a few times vanishing back to whence they came, which prior to modern technology was called "dating," or just "being single."

    So, yeah, best not to get too caught up in the memes.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FirstDates
    To play the devil’s advocate, how would you guys make sense of the modern terms that have become so common they might be meme phrases: words like “Slow Fade” and “Ghosting”, how do these fit with the premise texting means nothing? Just curious ;)
    If you sense waning interest later on, I'd pay attention to it. Ultimately you really shouldn't be lying to yourself that someone's hot for you when that person isn't quite responding in a manner that suggests they're interested. Use your own discretion. There's always some truth to a joke but balance it all with a grain of salt. Trust yourself that you'll get through that when you cross that bridge.

    For now, it's kind of early. See how it goes. Check out if it doesn't feel good later. No biggie.

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