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Thread: Is my fiance a closeted psychopath?

  1. #1
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    Is my fiance a closeted psychopath?

    Just to give you a back story, my fiance has never been physically abusive. Short tempered and a bully verbally when he gets mad, yes. But never physical. We have two kids together and have been together for a few years.
    So anyways, the other night he and I were casually discussing child support when he (half as a joke, half out of curiosity) decided to pull up one of those child support calculators online to see what he would hypothetically have to pay. After getting the results he laughed and said "By the way, if you ever take me for child support, I'll kill you." He has never threatened to harm me, so I was stunned and didn't know what to say. Despite it bothering me, I tried to ignore it by giving a simple laugh and saying "yeah right." To which he responded with a straight face "I'm serious. If you ruin my life like that, I'll ing blow your head off and then kill myself." I was speechless because he has never shown any indication of ever being violent towards me. The threat seemed out of character. A day or two later, I brought it up again because it was still bothering me, but I maybe I'm overreacting, so I ask "that was a joke, right?" He laughed and said "no, I'm dead serious." But the way he said it, he sounded like he was joking? The conversation was dropped and has not been revisited. He's not the "talk about your feelings" or an "open dialogue" kind of guy, so I don't want to bring it up again.

    Child support is a non-issue for me, and I obviously have no intentions of needing that from him. We have plans to be married soon. But his comments genuinely scared me, just to think that he could be capable of saying such a thing, much less actually doing it. I'm not sure if I'm overreacting for feeling this way. Should I be worried? Could this indicate a deeply rooted issue that I'm blind to right now? Or is this a poor attempt at a joke, and I'm being overly sensitive? Like I said, no other indication or threats that he would ever harm me.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    When someone threatens to kill you you take it seriously and you find a way out fast . Gather your support circle and plan to leave.

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    Why is it okay for him to be emotionally abusive? Why do you think this is in any way okay for your kids to be exposed to?

    Get the f8ck away from this guy!!!! You are not blind to anything, he has always been abusive to you!

    Child support should never be a "non issue." This is for the benefit of your children. Remember. I don't get your thinking.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 09-17-2019 at 12:04 AM.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Does he own a gun? What does he do for a living? He sounds like a loose canon and surely stating that "well he hasn't been physical" means you are in deep denial and quite brainwashed already. Fear and threats are abuse. You know very well it's an abusive relationship, but you're not ready to leave because "there are good times" and "he gets angry but doesn't mean it". And yes every woman found dead at the hands of her lover/bf has said this.

    Yes, leave him. get a restraining order and definitely file for child support. Do not be intimidated because child support has nothing to do with you it has to do with him, the law and whatever children he fathered. Every woman who is found dead along side her kids has also said. "well he hasn't been physical" (yet)

    You need to contact friends and family and get your kids and self to safety. Stop talking to him. Stop discussing controversial topics.It's nonsense. Get to social services or the police and get a restraining order and get out. Who cares about diagnosing him? Get the hell out.
    Originally Posted by anonymousflo
    But never physical. We have two kids together

    he responded with a straight face "I'm serious. If you ruin my life like that, I'll ing blow your head off and then kill myself."

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Thereís a lot going on here

    But for the life of me, and Iím trying, I canít see a situation where this type of sore subject is brought up in jest...

    Care to elaborate?

    Has he ever joked in this manner before? I have to believe someone so against the institution of child support made it known, those types usually do, yet here you are with two kids joking about this stuff...

    I donít get it...

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree, most couples do not sit around chitchatting about child support and looking up child support calculators.

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    I hope we are being played, and this is not a legitimate thread.

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    There have been enough cases over the years of men murdering their partners and children after the relationship has ended to take his words very seriously. Who the hell makes threats like that and continues even when given the opportunity to say they didn't mean it? Scary stuff. To me that's a form of coercive control and I'd be looking to seek advice from Women's Aid or similar on a safe exit plan.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Cancel your marriage plans! There's no telling what he's capable of! He sounds emotionally unstable and afflicted with a serious mental disorder.

    You're not being sensitive. I wouldn't trust him either. Seek professional advice for your and your family's safety.

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    The topic came up because someone in his friend circle is going through it. My wording made it sound like we sit around talking about things like this for no reason, but the conversation came up organically. As to why he calculated his own income, I can only guess because I'm not him. I can only assume it was out of curiosity, or as a joke, (or what someone on here pointed out that I hadn't thought of - to let his feeling on it be known.)
    The entire conversation was obviously uncomfortable for me, especially once it got personal. I tried to shake it off and not escalate the situation unnecessarily. It was an odd one time occurrence, so I honestly didn't know how to react. We don't frequently discuss these types of things out of boredom.
    As for his job, he's in the law enforcement branch and has faught overseas. He's respected by many, including me. Which is partially why this feels bizarre to me.

    Also, the reason I said child support is a non issue to me isn't because of my feelings on it. I was trying to clarify for everyone the situation as best I could, but obviously made a poor choice in words. I simply wanted it to be known that this isn't an issue I have been contemplating or discussing. It's a non issue because it was never considered before, is what I meant.
    Last edited by anonymousflo; 09-17-2019 at 05:21 AM.

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