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Thread: Is my fiance a closeted psychopath?

  1. #21
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    They don’t delete threads but you can ask to have it closed . [Register to see the link]
    Those are the rules you agreed to when you joined.
    Ok
    Originally Posted by anonymousflo
    I think it was a mistake for me to post this. How do I delete this thread?

  2. 09-17-2019, 10:10 AM

  3. #22
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by anonymousflo
    The topic came up because someone in his friend circle is going through it. My wording made it sound like we sit around talking about things like this for no reason, but the conversation came up organically. As to why he calculated his own income, I can only guess because I'm not him. I can only assume it was out of curiosity, or as a joke, (or what someone on here pointed out that I hadn't thought of - to let his feeling on it be known.)
    The entire conversation was obviously uncomfortable for me, especially once it got personal. I tried to shake it off and not escalate the situation unnecessarily. It was an odd one time occurrence, so I honestly didn't know how to react. We don't frequently discuss these types of things out of boredom.
    As for his job, he's in the law enforcement branch and has faught overseas. He's respected by many, including me. Which is partially why this feels bizarre to me.

    Also, the reason I said child support is a non issue to me isn't because of my feelings on it. I was trying to clarify for everyone the situation as best I could, but obviously made a poor choice in words. I simply wanted it to be known that this isn't an issue I have been contemplating or discussing. It's a non issue because it was never considered before, is what I meant.
    Understood flo.

    Can you elaborate on what exactly you’re trying to convey?

    I’m asking because well you labeled him an emotional bully for all intents and purposes you seem to have a grasp on his behavior being wrong, yet you’ve stayed. He’s emotionally abusive yet you allowed yourself to participate in a conversation that, at least to me, had an obvious risk of being a button pushing event.

    If we say yes it’s dangerous, do you plan to actually leave?

    Seriously speaking this sounds like a relationship that is not working even without this event

  4. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. You need to discuss this with a professional. Not toss around terms such as "is he a closeted psychopath?" on social media, Reddit, Quora, random forums etc..
    Originally Posted by anonymousflo
    I think it was a mistake for me to post this. How do I delete this thread?

  5. #24
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MirrorKnight
    I do think that people on this forum tend to rather readily give up on relationships and over-diagnose issues sometimes, something I think I am guilty of occasionally too. This is why I have avoided commenting here all day, because I understand the implication of what it would mean if you went with the majority advice here.

    I personally do not feel like I have enough context and information to give you advice either way with much confidence.



    .
    She said her verbally abusive boyfriend said he would kill her...

    Overreacting how?

    I agree that it’s not always wise to take a posters retelling of a story as gospel, after all there’s always two sides to a story but when someone says they were told they would be killed... I don’t know...

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  7. #25
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Agree. You need to discuss this with a professional. Not toss around terms such as "is he a closeted psychopath?" on social media, Reddit, Quora, random forums etc..
    Bingo.

    You keep reiterating you’re seeking validation, multiple individuals have said this is concerning. The way you painted the picture, it’s concerning.

    Did you not want that to be the answer?

  8. #26
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    Originally Posted by anonymousflo
    For those being harsh (as if I should see the answers clearly) - I hope that you can understand that I am considering tearing apart my entire family over a comment that was made only once. Please understand the gravity of what this means for me and my family. Please show some grace when responding. For you, this thread is easily thought through and forgotten once you're bored with the discussion; but for me, it's my life right now. Just please be kind. I'm smart enough to know I should be concerned. I just don't know to what degree. I'm seeking advice and validation. Something to provide some clarity. When you view someone through rose colored glasses, you miss the red flags because all of the flags look the same.

    This is not only one comment-which is frightening! The man is emotionally abusive. Wake up, before you become a statistic! Nothing like being terrified of your partner, and a relationship of walking on eggshells.

    Your kids are taking it all in. This is also a form of abuse. If you won't do this for yourself, do it for them.

    How would it be, if their mother were dead, and their father was in jail. They would be a true break up of the family.

    Call an abuse hotline.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 09-17-2019 at 10:38 AM.

  9. #27
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    You sound pretty level-headed, aware of, and proud of, your own intelligence. You are also asking a pretty loaded question about your fiancé—which, hey, can't blame you. While I understand the Greek chorus of digital strangers can be a bit overwhelming, how would you react if a close friend of yours came to your with this story? You'd ostensibly know more about the day-to-day of both her relationship and emotional equilibrium, as you know more about yourself and your emotional health than we do, but I'd imagine you'd still be concerned, no?

    I'm not one to grab the "abuse" bullhorn and start shouting, but I am also not one who can turn a prism and see "If you do x, I'll kill you" as a "joke" that can exist inside a healthy relationship. And neither, it seems, can you. Maybe rather than ratcheting up the volume with an attempt to diagnosis your fiancé as a psychopath, you instead ask yourself if you can see yourself being happily married to a man who makes such jokes.

    Do know this: no one here is interested in cornering you, or judging you. Everyone here is trying to help you, best they can.

  10. 09-17-2019, 11:09 AM

  11. #28
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not qualified to answer that question and psychopath has different meanings to the layperson. Just here to lend some support. I think it's a good idea have a heart to heart with your partner. I'm not sure if his work has imbued some kind of PTSD for him as he seems desensitized in his language. That kind of language shouldn't be brought home and I don't feel like he's worked through whatever he might have seen either in his training or in his work. This would be my first instincts if my partner brought that home, knowing the nature of what he works or spends time with regarding his career.

    I would be alarmed, yes. I wouldn't take it lightly and it would probably lead me to believe the above and whether he needs to speak to someone about any pressures or stress coming from his work. There may even be issues with the culture at work (abuse of power or bullying) and something he needs to address with management. That language is totally not acceptable, work or home.

  12. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    'Fiance' is the new term people use to describe the father of their kids or someone they live with. It has nothing to do with wedding plans in this case.
    Originally Posted by justicegrl
    seek pre-marital counseling.

  13. #30
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'm not qualified to answer that question and psychopath has different meanings to the layperson. Just here to lend some support. I think it's a good idea have a heart to heart with your partner. I'm not sure if his work has imbued some kind of PTSD for him as he seems desensitized in his language. That kind of language shouldn't be brought home and I don't feel like he's worked through whatever he might have seen either in his training or in his work. This would be my first instincts if my partner brought that home, knowing the nature of what he works or spends time with regarding his career.

    I would be alarmed, yes. I wouldn't take it lightly and it would probably lead me to believe the above and whether he needs to speak to someone about any pressures or stress coming from his work. There may even be issues with the culture at work (abuse of power or bullying) and something he needs to address with management. That language is totally not acceptable, work or home.
    And, maybe he just an abuser. The behavior and comments are highly concerning.

  14. 09-17-2019, 02:06 PM

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