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Thread: Is my fiance a closeted psychopath?

  1. #11
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    For those being harsh (as if I should see the answers clearly) - I hope that you can understand that I am considering tearing apart my entire family over a comment that was made only once. Please understand the gravity of what this means for me and my family. Please show some grace when responding. For you, this thread is easily thought through and forgotten once you're bored with the discussion; but for me, it's my life right now. Just please be kind. I'm smart enough to know I should be concerned. I just don't know to what degree. I'm seeking advice and validation. Something to provide some clarity. When you view someone through rose colored glasses, you miss the red flags because all of the flags look the same.
    Last edited by anonymousflo; 09-17-2019 at 06:16 AM.

  2. #12
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    It is hard to see stuff like this with rose coloured glasses when my mom’s best friend is laying in a cemetery killed by her husband. She thought it would never happen either . She has been gone 27 years now .

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    I'm not referring to "stuff like this." I'm referring to him. I'm saying that it's easy to miss the red flags when you view someone through rose colored glasses. Solidifying your point of "it can happen to anyone."
    I read that if you put a frog in a pot of water and slowly increase the heat, the frog will stay put and won't fight it because he's unaware he's being boiled. Much like an abusive relationship.
    I'm smart enough to know this.

    Maybe I'm the frog being boiled. Maybe I'm overreacting. Simply seeking validation in my feelings.

  4. #14
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    Please understand the gravity of what this means for me and my family. Please show some grace when responding. For you, this thread is easily thought through and forgotten once you're bored with the discussion; but for me, it's my life right now.
    I do think that people on this forum tend to rather readily give up on relationships and over-diagnose issues sometimes, something I think I am guilty of occasionally too. This is why I have avoided commenting here all day, because I understand the implication of what it would mean if you went with the majority advice here.

    I personally do not feel like I have enough context and information to give you advice either way with much confidence.

    Short tempered and a bully verbally when he gets mad, yes. But never physical.
    There is a lot to unpack in that short sentence. Are you saying that he is verbally abusive whenever he "gets mad"? How often does he get mad? How hurtful is this verbal bullying when he gets mad? Does he ever express regret or apologize after the event? Do you feel that apology (if there is any) is sincere?

    How is the rest of your relationship? You have borne two children for the man and lived with him for years. Surely you should know if he is actually a psychopath, in the medical definition of the term, where he is incapable of feeling empathy, and simulates expressions of compassion or love based on mimicry of how he thinks he should behave in a given situation, rather than behaving naturally. When he gets mad, do you feel like it is a burst of raw anger, or frustration at having to maintain an act. Those are subtly different.

    Does he have any mental illnesses? Why did you specifically ask about "psychopath"? Did you mean it in the medical sense as I described, or just "my boyfriend is evil!" sense.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by anonymousflo
    I'm not referring to "stuff like this." I'm referring to him. I'm saying that it's easy to miss the red flags when you view someone through rose colored glasses. Solidifying your point of "it can happen to anyone."
    I read that if you put a frog in a pot of water and slowly increase the heat, the frog will stay put and won't fight it because he's unaware he's being boiled. Much like an abusive relationship.
    I'm smart enough to know this.

    Maybe I'm the frog being boiled. Maybe I'm overreacting. Simply seeking validation in my feelings.
    Smart really has nothing to do with it . Many smart people are caught in abusive situations .

  7. #16
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    I don’t think I easily give up on relationships since I have been with the same man for 30 years . But I am very aware that I have CPTSD from my abusive father and his abusive family . When I see abuse it means run like hell .

  8. #17
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    OP this is a horrible situation and I really do feel your concern. I agree with everyone else that what he said is so wrong and so worrying. I also understand your predicament. You have a family with him, you love him and overall it seems you are happy in this relationship.

    Perhaps you could expand on what you described as his bullying behaviour? There is a tone in your post of...I don't know, walking on eggshells? Do you possibly have a fear of him that exists before this threat was made?

    The most worrying thing for me her is that if you are concerned enough to leave, then the situation that he has threatened is more likely to come about. You leave, you file for child support and then .....

    But if you stay, you will have this gnawing on you forever. He can't unsay those words. He made a threat. At first, yes I may have taken it as a joke (if it was said as one). But you asked for clarification and he couldn't have been more clear. That's scary.



    I don't know what to tell you. Besides be careful.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What exactly is a "closeted psychopath"? Rather than assign labels, go to a therapist privately and confidentially so you can get professional advice. There is an abundance of articles and accurate information available about abuse, domestic violence, risk assessments, etc. Decide for yourself whether someone who has ready access to firearms and states what you claim he stated is of concern for you. If you are still unsure, simply do some research online and discuss particular details with a professional.
    Originally Posted by anonymousflo
    I'm smart enough to know I should be concerned. I just don't know to what degree. I'm seeking advice and validation.

  10. #19
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    I think it was a mistake for me to post this. How do I delete this thread?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Hit the "contact us" link and request that the thread be closed.
    Originally Posted by anonymousflo
    I think it was a mistake for me to post this. How do I delete this thread?

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