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Thread: Boyfriend implied he would want sex more if I orgasmed during sex

  1. #11
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    If this dude only does penetration, he is an incredibly selfish/bad lover. At his age, he should know that a woman requires other stimulation.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Don't pry anymore about his sexual past and resist the urge to divulge everything about yours. Know when enough is enough and draw the line there. Discretion is always a good thing. You're both already approaching from places and points of view that disagree with each other and you both seem insulted and upset. He feels inadequate but so do you. Stop it right there and don't instigate each other further.

    When you've both cooled off, come back to the conversation without implying either of you are less than and avoid judgments that imply someone's partners' might have been faking anything. It's not fair to either of you if you're devaluing each others' experiences. Turn the conversation instead on how you both might work together if you want to explore more about what turns each of you on.

    If you do sense hostility and resentment coming from him in the way you approach sex or orgasms, end it right there. You do not have to be around someone who devalues you or the way you choose to enjoy or use your body. Use your discretion and don't fight about things like this. It's not worth it, imho. Be respectful of each others' viewpoints.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by LikeWater
    No, he didn't. He vented a sexual frustration he has because it makes him feel like less of a man. It's something he can do with past partners but not her and it hurts his ego.

    There was no implication that it's her fault and as pathetic as it is to feel the way he does, imo, it's equally pathetic to let his venting hurt you so much. He's just talking. Maybe he could've said it better but he's not implying in any way that the issue is due to anything with her. He enjoys having sex with her, but he wants to make her cum.

    I am wanting to know if he gets you off in other ways though, TC.
    He also said that "it has always been a problem for him." So which is it? All of his previous partners were getting off, or there has been a history of complaints with his performance.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 09-16-2019 at 07:10 PM.

  4. 09-16-2019, 07:13 PM

  5. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    In a healthy sexual relationship, each participant should share what feels good for them and what would lead to an orgasm. To stereotype and assume that all women (or men) are the same and then judge you by that is a little ignorant.

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  7. #15
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    He also said that "it has always been a problem for him." So which is it? All of his previous partners were getting off, or there has been a history of complaints with his performance.
    The issue he has always had is with initiating the sex. Maybe reread the OP because you're making a lot of baseless assumptions.

    To the TC, the irony of this whole issue is that you're both feeling bad for the same reason. You're both feeling inadequate for one reason or another. I think Rose nailed it and I would follow her advice.

  8. #16
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    Does he "finish" all the time? Does he ever suffer from ED?

    At 55 years old, his lack of eagerness to initiate might just reflect ageing and a reduced libido, though the fact that he brought up the orgasm thing could be a smoke screen for his own insecurities regarding his ability to satisfy a woman 11 years younger than him.

    It might also just be his way of telling you that he would appreciate it if you showed some appreciation during intercourse. Yes it is an ego thing, but if most guys are honest, it is actually physically exciting and sexy when a woman appears to be visibly enjoying sex, which is why a lot of women will exaggerate how much they are enjoying it or even fake orgasms. Not that I am suggesting you should fake it, but if the sex is "great", why not be a bit more vocal about it if it strokes his ego and helps him enjoy sex more?

    Finally you can show him what you like to reach orgasm without making a big deal of it. I had a partner who could only climax if she was on top, whereas I prefer to be in control myself... but instead of it becoming an issue, we just took turns doing what we enjoyed.

  9. #17
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    Originally Posted by LikeWater
    The issue he has always had is with initiating the sex. Maybe reread the OP because you're making a lot of baseless assumptions.

    To the TC, the irony of this whole issue is that you're both feeling bad for the same reason. You're both feeling inadequate for one reason or another. I think Rose nailed it and I would follow her advice.
    Why are you getting so aggressive in your responses? Is this hitting home for you?

  10. #18
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Boyfriend implied he would want sex more if I orgasmed during sex

    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    He also said that "it has always been a problem for him." So which is it? All of his previous partners were getting off, or there has been a history of complaints with his performance.
    Youíre reading wrong. He said his past partners never have this problem with orgasms. But he did say he has always had a problem with initiating.

    He is ALLOWED to have sexual preferences. No where does OP say he doesnít give her orgasms other ways. I read it as he wants her to orgasm from penetration. Yes, some research is in order, but itís possible she doesnít even act like she enjoys it.

    I never liked performing oral on my ex because he just sat there like a quiet sad fish. Turns out he loved it and wanted more!! Ok... then maybe act like it??

    And heís allowed to have a lower sex drive than OP.

    AND!

    They are BOTH allowed to have divergent sexual interests. That is the entire point of dating. To find out incompatabilities!

  11. #19
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    It's interesting to me that you got angry at him for expressing that his libido isn't as strong as yours. Why anger? And do you think that may have felt like an attack to him?
    I think maybe things have spiralled from there. He may not even mean these other things, maybe he's just reacting.
    I mean, no one really wants to feel like they are being scolded for not wanting sex all the time when their partner does.

  12. #20
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Youíre reading wrong. He said his past partners never have this problem with orgasms. But he did say he has always had a problem with initiating.

    He is ALLOWED to have sexual preferences. No where does OP say he doesnít give her orgasms other ways. I read it as he wants her to orgasm from penetration. Yes, some research is in order, but itís possible she doesnít even act like she enjoys it.

    I never liked performing oral on my ex because he just sat there like a quiet sad fish. Turns out he loved it and wanted more!! Ok... then maybe act like it??

    And heís allowed to have a lower sex drive than OP.

    AND!

    They are BOTH allowed to have divergent sexual interests. That is the entire point of dating. To find out incompatabilities!
    All I saw was her mention of penetration. "most women can't orgasm through penetration alone." and "I feel like if he's not satisfied sexually now it will only get worse, especially think he assumes every woman orgasms through penetration."

    I never said anything about different sex drives. If you can find that in my posts, please show me. I said that she needs more stimulation if only penetration is involved.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 09-16-2019 at 10:33 PM.

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