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Thread: She slept with someone while we were broken up

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by jellybean2018
    This 100%... What an ego indeed!
    Also... Apologies.. I didn'tfully read thread before posting...

  2. #22
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I think you should stick to the initial break up. Let her go.
    Use the information that she bounced straight into bed with someone else as validation that she just doesn't have the self awareness to end things cleanly herself.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    I think you should stick to the initial break up. Let her go.
    Use the information that she bounced straight into bed with someone else as validation that she just doesn't have the self awareness to end things cleanly herself.
    I agree. After reading your follow up post I completely understand why you are heart broken and feel betrayed. Itís probably not something you will be able to easily overcome and the reality is you guys would likely end up where you were before.... is she really worth it after all this?

  4. #24
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    so i'm not an expert, but here's my advice for you: don't try to find if what she did was right or wrong.
    something i learned in love and through being in relationships where you're deeply involved is that the most important thing is to let it go, don't search for who's right, search for what's right (for exemple, what's right to do now, what's right to feel)... and what can make you happy.
    secondly, i've been through a break up and i can tell you that when you're in love, that thing hurts like hell; it destroys you and as a first inner reflex, we tend to look for a shelter in someone else!
    what your girlfriend did is normal, it was HER way of getting rid of the pain you gave her (her way means no right no wrong), but i don't take it as a betrayal, not because you were apart during that period and she was allowed to do anything, but because nowadays when things get hard in relationships, we always find a way to try and solve it, we can take breaks, we can take some distance from each-others (in that case it would've been a betrayal yes)... but break ups became an extreme act, when you break up, it's just like letting go of a thread you were holding onto strongly for so long and it just makes a mess!
    finally, for now, it's gonna hurt both of you, what matters is to distinguish the pain you're feeling, if it's only out of ego and feeling replaced (betrayed as you think, in this case, stop holding on unecessarly!), or is it out of love... if it's the second one, you're the only one to know that love is precious and we should hold on to it but should also see whether things are gonna work out and if you love her enough to forgive, if not let it go, let her go, and let some time pass, you'll be amazed with how your heart and mind will settle down and things will start to get better!

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  6. #25
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    Stay broken up. What the hell, she doesn't sleep with you for so long and then goes and screws her ex two weeks after?

    Noone owes anyone anything after a break up but wow. She shouldn't have told you anything.

  7. #26
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Stay broken up. What the hell, she doesn't sleep with you for so long and then goes and screws her ex two weeks after?

    Noone owes anyone anything after a break up but wow. She shouldn't have told you anything.
    Actually I think it is quite responsible of her to be honest about it. She could presumably have just not said anything.

    Okay OP, I will offer a slightly different opinion to the apparent consensus here.

    I agree that sex and intimacy is important, you are only 26, you say you are okay not having sex, but I don't believe that you are really okay with it, hence you broke up with her over a lack of intimacy. However, if you truly believe that she loves you and that you love her, then perhaps, just perhaps, on account of her apparent maturity and honesty, there is something to salvage here.

    Maybe there is something wrong with her, physically or neurologically. My girlfriend has some sort of anxiety, at the start of our relationship, she used to get so nervous/scared that although she consciously consented to intercourse and genuinely wanted it, her body would reject it, and it was initially very painful for her. It took a few evenings for her to get used to being intimate with me and actually progress to intercourse. Once she was used to it, there was nothing wrong with her physically and our sex life was fine. However, we have been long distance for a while now, and she is becoming unused to me again, so the last time we were together, she said it had become painful again.

    My point is that neurological issues could be a cause for intimacy issues. You essentially dumped her because of it after a 4 year relationship. It would not surprise me if she was so devastated that she sought out the ex just to prove to herself that she was still a woman capable of physical intimacy. I would personally not blame her for that.

    If she is very important for you and you feel that the connection is genuine and mutual, then maybe it is worth working with her on fixing the underlying issue. If not, what everyone else said applies.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by MirrorKnight

    My point is that neurological issues could be a cause for intimacy issues. You essentially dumped her because of it after a 4 year relationship. It would not surprise me if she was so devastated that she sought out the ex just to prove to herself that she was still a woman capable of physical intimacy. I would personally not blame her for that.

    If she is very important for you and you feel that the connection is genuine and mutual, then maybe it is worth working with her on fixing the underlying issue. If not, what everyone else said applies.
    There is a HUGE difference between an actual neurological issue and being nervous or feeling unsafe. If a woman feels anxious or unsafe, just like a guy with performance anxiety who can't achieve a erection, its the same deal. She will not have the lubrication to be comfortable and her body will tense up even if she consciously decides "i am consenting to sex". Unlike with men who cannot sexually participate in that case, women can but it doesn't feel good to do it.

    A physiological issue would be having an actual circulation disorder, etc. or a neurological issue would be sex causing seizures from overstimulation or not physically feeling due to nerve damage or degeneration as a part of another condition

  9. #28

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    Thanks everyone for your advice!

    I've come to the conclusion that it's probably not the best time to make a decision either way right now, emotions are running way too high.
    I'm leaning towards leaving but hard to up and leave so easily from the love of your life irrespective of what i feel like they might've done/didnt do.
    So I've decided to give it a few weeks and see how i feel then.

    Any advice as to what we should be doing for the next few weeks, no contact? minimal contact? should I start a stamp collection? :P

    Thank you!

  10. #29
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    The sexual reasons will still exist.
    That and the fact that her sexual issues miraculously disappeared when she slept with her ex within 2 weeks? Even when you guys didn't sleep with each other for a year or more???

    You're wasting your time.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    just another way to look at it -

    If the reason he broke up with her was over a lack of sex, she might have wanted to prove something to herself by sleeping with someone else. . or indirectly pay him back for it.

    Not saying it's right, but it might have been her misdirected motivation.

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