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Thread: What would you do?

  1. #1
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    What would you do?

    Hello all you awesome people! Long story short my now ex girlfriend broke up with me half a year ago, which let me to block her on everything this summer. I know for a fact from my best friend, who has been speaking with one of her good friends that she isn't taking it too well - being confused and sad about me moving on and seeing other people - she even considered taking me back apparently, so she wouldn't have do deal with it, but she was talked out of it by her friend. This I was told a couple of months ago.

    So last night about 2 am... I was awakened by my doorbell outside the apartment building. I was a second to think about what happened and then another couple of seconds to take it(I don't really like answering, if I don't know, who it is, but anyway...) - there was nobody at the door. I looked through my phone and saw, that I'd gotten a few videos on snapchat from a friend, who was at a party close by, like 1 km. My ex had apparently been there. I texted my best friend, who also happened to be there, if it was one of them, who had been ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night. He told me that my ex had left a while ago, but he didn't know, if it was her, allthough he suggested it. She also lives close by, like 500 m from me.

    Allready when I woke up, I had a gut feeling, you know, that it would be my ex, because I am aware of her situation. I unblocked her and texted her, if she had ringed. She replied back with "no" in a very allmost too detailed manner, so she couldn't be the one - "Ehh no, I am well enough at home." "I have to work in the morning, so I don't have time for that, so don't know who it is." "Hope you figure out, who it is." - roughly translated. I left it at that, but I know - not for a fact - but just know, it was her... whether or not if she was feeling lonely and wanted company but then regretted it, or that she simply just wanted to annoy me. I don't know who else it would be, and if some random person wanted to annoy, I would think that that person had clicked every doorbell.

    So my question is, what would you guys do? I don't know if I come across as somebody, who is thinking too much, but do know I am not completely healed. I kinda want to sort this out and also help her a bit, if she is struggling, cause we had a (at least what I thought) a great relationship, and second because that is just the kind of guy I am. Whether or not if I want to get back together, I don't know, if some of you are curious about that. A part of me want, but I also know deep down that it just wasn't working - but I at least want to hear her out, if it comes to that.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. It sounds annoying to be awoken at that time. Ask a few friends what the deal is and if they know anything. Could have been a random mistake.

    If you want to reconcile, why not ask her to go for a coffee and talk? It's doubtful the doorbell ringing at that time was for that purpose.
    Originally Posted by Jimraynorp
    So last night about 2 am... I was awakened by my doorbell outside the apartment building. I was a second to think about what happened and then another couple of seconds to take it(I don't really like answering, if I don't know, who it is, but anyway...) - there was nobody at the door. I looked through my phone and saw, that I'd gotten a few videos on snapchat from a friend, who was at a party close by, like 1 km. My ex had apparently been there. I texted my best friend, who also happened to be there, if it was one of them, who had been ringing my doorbell in the middle of the night. He told me that my ex had left a while ago, but he didn't know, if it was her, allthough he suggested it. She also lives close by, like 500 m from me.

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    I don't think it was she who rang your doorbell. Her emphatic 'no' means that she doesn't want to reconnect with you.

    Please don't listen to what other people say she is saying. They may have hidden agendas. I assume she knows how to get in contact with you if she wants. She knows where you live...she can send you a lett

    It didn't work out the first time for a reason. Things rarely change. Stop thinking about her.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It sounds like you're hoping for a reconciliation from your previous posts. Is that correct? You've been in 'no contact' for awhile with the hopes of getting back together one day. It's sneaky and sly soliciting information about her from mutual friends and it just makes you appear slimy and rude. Don't do that sort of thing anymore. Her emotions and private business is her own. Letting on in any way or even word getting out that you're spying on her through mutual friends is just classless. If you're interested in meeting with her for coffee for ie shoot straight and ask the question without all this white noise/drama in the background.

    Unless you have cameras or property surveillance we will never know who rang your doorbell that night so it's a bit useless speculating about it and you're dreaming up stories that it may be your ex because you're clearly not over her. I think it was a prank by a neighbourhood kid and not her.

    Are you afraid she'll turn you down if you ask her out for coffee?

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  6. #5
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    Just leave it be .....if you have unblocked her then she can now connect if she wants to . You are preempting this situation with nothing more then second hand info .

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You just forget about it that is what you do. If she wants to contact you proper she will. Just put this behind you and keep healing.

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    It sounds like you're hoping for a reconciliation from your previous posts. Is that correct? You've been in 'no contact' for awhile with the hopes of getting back together one day. It's sneaky and sly soliciting information about her from mutual friends and it just makes you appear slimy and rude. Don't do that sort of thing anymore. Her emotions and private business is her own. Letting on in any way or even word getting out that you're spying on her through mutual friends is just classless. If you're interested in meeting with her for coffee for ie shoot straight and ask the question without all this white noise/drama in the background.

    Unless you have cameras or property surveillance we will never know who rang your doorbell that night so it's a bit useless speculating about it and you're dreaming up stories that it may be your ex because you're clearly not over her. I think it was a prank by a neighbourhood kid and not her.

    Are you afraid she'll turn you down if you ask her out for coffee?
    Well, first of all I never asked for any information about her, so don't try to insult me. My best friend happened to tell me this, as I told him, I didn't want to go for her. He did it, so I was prepared, if she eventually came back. People tell each other stuff, if they feel secure about that person, and that's just how it is where I come from. Awfull for my ex that the information came back to me, and as for me, I haven't told anyone about it. I have just reflected upon in.
    And I still believe it to be her, like it or not. The way I see it, it seems way to random.

    As for reconciliation, I have no intention on making contact with her. She broke up, so if she wants to reconcile, she can do the work and play the hand, and then I may or may not act upon it.

    As for telling me lies, I have no reason to believe these people to have hidden agendas and tell lies.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jimraynorp
    Well, first of all I never solicitised any information about her. My best friend happened to tell me this, as I told him, I didn't want to go for her. He did it, so I was prepared, if she eventually came back. People tell each other stuff, if they feel secure about that person, and that's just how it is where I come from. Awfull for my ex that the information came back to me, and as for me, I haven't told anyone about it. I have just reflected upon in.
    And I still believe it to be her, like it or not. The way I see it, it seems way to random.

    As for reconciliation, I have no intention on making contact with her. She broke up, so if she wants to reconcile, she can do the work and play the hand, and then I may or may not act upon it.

    As for telling me lies, I have no reason to believe these people to have hidden agendas and tell lies.
    I didn't say anything about lies. I took it as the truth so I'm not sure where you're getting the part about your friends telling you lies. Your friend however is rude and disrespectful of both of you by meddling. You (or both you and your friend) can spin it any way you like but exposing her and/or her private moments is disrespectful. This puts you in an awkward position because he wasn't able to control his wagging tongue. Good for you for not spreading the info elsewhere but it's clear that you're not able to create boundaries with your friend. If I were in your position I'd request some privacy for your ex and yourself. I don't know if you're realizing this: you don't seem to be able to handle info like this and it's causing you to spiral into confusion and delusion especially with the issue with the doorbell at night. You're just not over her.

    If you don't want to see her again, then that's that. There's no point in helping anyone's struggle especially your ex. I think you might have a romantic idea of being her knight in shining armour or helping her in some way in her struggle. Since you're not interested in rekindling anything or putting any effort into asking her out again, I don't suggest having any further ideas about your ex or staying hung up about her. Put her in the past and move on. Meet new people. Things will get better. You just need to make better decisions and request better privacy and respect from your friends regarding your ex and you.

  10. #9
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    Well, about the lies, it was really an answer to another reply in this thread - I don't have much expertise with this, but I can understand if that was confusing.
    But regarding my friend, you have no idea of how he got info about it, and I don't want to put all the details about that on the table, as it is really not relevant for my post. I don't care what you think about my friend. And don't make assumptions about me, when you clearly don't know it. I made a post to blow off some steam. So don't try and twist this the way you see fit or perhaps making it about something in your own life, which perhaps isn't going as it should.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jimraynorp
    So my question is, what would you guys do? I don't know if I come across as somebody, who is thinking too much, but do know I am not completely healed. I kinda want to sort this out and also help her a bit, if she is struggling, cause we had a (at least what I thought) a great relationship, and second because that is just the kind of guy I am. Whether or not if I want to get back together, I don't know, if some of you are curious about that. A part of me want, but I also know deep down that it just wasn't working - but I at least want to hear her out, if it comes to that.
    That was your question above. I answered your question - what I would do. It just wasn't what you wanted to hear. You're not interested in rekindling anything or asking her out. What then did you want to "sort out" or "help her" with? Exes shouldn't be helping exes with anything but it seems you think you should? Would you mind clarifying?

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