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Thread: Healing When Youíre The One Who Left

  1. #21
    Bronze Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Ugh this morning I was stupid and went and looked at her blog and itís all about her broken heart. I feel so stupid and lonely. In my heart of hearts I do believe that itís best to let go now, but leaving in the first place was a huge mistake. I havenít had the time travel wish since I was a young man...but boy do I wish I could go back now and do it all over. This one is going to take a looooong time to heal. Oof

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Rubbernecking may be a knee-jerk response for most people but afterward the gore is hard to forget, no?

  3. #23
    Bronze Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Heh, you are spot on

  4. #24
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    What were you looking for on her blog?

    And please don't say "I honestly don't know!!!"

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  6. #25
    Bronze Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    I was looking for exactly what I found. I wanted to see if she was hurting too, to find out if/what she was thinking of me.

    Itís weird being so intimate and in love and entwined in somebodyís life, and then suddenly completely out (as anybody who is on this forum already knows, lol.) I knew better but my loneliness got the best of me this morning! Iím not mad at myself. I deleted my account on the service the blog is posted on and I didnít comment or make contact in any way. Just another step in the process. The long, sad process.

  7. #26
    Bronze Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Looking at her blog was so stupid....I ended up contacting her a couple of days ago with hopes that a reconciliation might be possible. As of tonight, the good news is we have crystal clarity about the situation. The gut wrenchingly painful news is that she is resolute about not getting back together.

    I need to start all over trying to accept what a colossal mistake I made. I'm like one hour NC now...blocked her number and emails and I am not going to go look at her blog again tonight. Tomorrow is another day and I can't take on the NC willpower for tomorrow tonight...does that make any sense, haha? The "one day at a time" thing works good for me as I can't even FATHOM that she is gone from my life forever now. My last few posts here I've been lambasted so now I'm fearful I'm going to get an earful from a community that doesn't think very highly of me but I don't know where else to type and vent. I'm a wreck. I've been through one other really bad broken heart so I know I will heal...but good God I am so stupid for putting myself in this position yet once again!!

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    My last few posts here I've been lambasted so now I'm fearful I'm going to get an earful from a community that doesn't think very highly of me but I don't know where else to type and vent.
    Some critical people are very vocal, but honestly I think most people would think you're a fine person.

    Not sure what you can do in your current situation--you're just going to have to deal with it, unfortunately. And learn what your mistake really was, if there actually was a mistake on your part. Hard to say at this early hour.

  9. #28
    Bronze Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Itís nice of you to say that...And I should probably be careful about making excuses to have a pity party, too.

    This morning started off on a better foot. Almost a sense of relief from the finality. I know there are stages of grief and everyone passes through them differently so I wonít be surprised to have hard days here and there but for the moment Iím feeling like everything is and will be ok.

  10. #29
    Bronze Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Well I slipped a little bit and went and read her blog again this morning. The good news is I didnít reach out to her.

    The other good news is that I believe acceptance of the finality of our breakup is really seeping into my consciousness at a deep, foundational level. On the one hand Iím a little embarrassed to admit I went and ďrubberneckedĒ her blog as wiseman put it - but Iím also surprised and happy about the result.

    I realized this morning that I am not responsible for her feelings. I left the relationship in a respectable, dignified way and yes, getting dumped hurts so bad no matter how kindly it is done...but hurting her was not my intent. By NO means do I want her to be in pain, however her feelings are hers, not mine...it is not my job to manage her emotions.

    I have, for the first time since leaving, a sense that it really, truly is okay. I made the best choice I could make in that moment and both of us will be okay. She is gorgeous and personable and sheís a woman of principles and integrity and she will heal and meet someone perfect for her. I DONíT HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY FOR LEAVING. Whoa....I have to type that again:

    I donít have to feel guilty for leaving.

    I know thereís a long path ahead of me in this walk...but I feel like the terrain just smoothed out a little. <3

  11. #30
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    Itís a painful situation to be in when you have feelings for someone but canít be with them due to circumstantial factors, i.e: the distance. However, since you were at one point seriously entertaining the idea of cheating, you absolutely did the right thing in ending it. There are no 2 ways about it. I think it boils down to incompatibilities: your sexual needs vs. her sexual needs. She is satisfied with having sex once a month, you need it more often. I think distance can be a real dealbreaker and itís not for the faint of heart. Ultimately, Iím sure you thought about this decision long and hard before breaking up with her. Stick to your decision, and try to date locally.

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