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Thread: I'm not sure if this is considered being sexually taken advantage of

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to talk to a therapist. All the memories of whatever the details of the incident were need to be discussed confidentially with a therapist. This is not a legal or medical advice site. Adding details here won't help you. You can't prosecute no so trying to make a case won't help. It will help to unburden yourself by going over these details with the appropriate trained professionals. And yes, your new bf does not need to hear about this.

    As you can see from a poster who responded to this thread, victim blaming still happens. This type of personal sensitive information needs to be discussed with a therapist. Trying to take a survey here won't help you. You'll get opinions and that is not trained help. What's the point of that.?

    Isn't the point to feel better and put this behind you so you can stop being haunted by it? Well the solution is to discuss it with the appropriate trained professional. Threads like this just stir up hurt and drama and will leave you worse for the wear. It will not solve your problems.
    Originally Posted by Maria2157
    hide this from my boyfriend.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Maria2157
    I guess I didn't mention it in my post that I did struggle; I had my legs locked but he pried them apart. At the time, I honestly thought it wasn't going to go anywhere with me saying no but like I've said, because he wasn't listening to me I rolled over in a sense.
    Yes, then he forced himself on you and acted like a jerk - for example, if you were tickling a child and the child said "stop" would you hold the child down so you could continue to tickle? He knew you had said no and were physically resisting. I can't give legal or medical advice either but sure at the very least he acted like a jerk and a bully.

  3. #23

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You need to talk to a therapist. All the memories of whatever the details of the incident were need to be discussed confidentially with a therapist. This is not a legal or medical advice site. Adding details here won't help you. You can't prosecute no so trying to make a case won't help. It will help to unburden yourself by going over these details with the appropriate trained professionals. And yes, your new bf does not need to hear about this.

    As you can see from a poster who responded to this thread, victim blaming still happens. This type of personal sensitive information needs to be discussed with a therapist. Trying to take a survey here won't help you. You'll get opinions and that is not trained help. What's the point of that.?

    Isn't the point to feel better and put this behind you so you can stop being haunted by it? Well the solution is to discuss it with the appropriate trained professional. Threads like this just stir up hurt and drama and will leave you worse for the wear. It will not solve your problems.
    I have no intention of prosecuting him. I think what I was looking for was some validation that I wasn't blowing this out of proportion before going to a therapist. Even though I posted this the other day, it has helped just knowing that it wasn't in my head.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Actually a therapist is the one who can respond to whether you are 'blowing it out of proportion". However that doesn't matter. Something is bothering you enough to keep letting this be in your way and that in itself can be helped with therapy.
    Originally Posted by Maria2157
    I think what I was looking for was some validation that I wasn't blowing this out of proportion before going to a therapist. Even though I posted this the other day, it has helped just knowing that it wasn't in my head.

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  6. #25
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    OP I'm glad you posted here because I think it helped you sort things out and get feedback. I did not think you were seeking medical or legal advice. I think that there are gray areas that are confusing including situations that are black and white to some and gray to others.

  7. #26

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    I'm glad I did too! For a long time, I wasn't sure but now that I know it wasn't in my head and it was in fact an assault, I can move on with my life. I've been through much worse and I know that I can overcome this, I already have. I think the "not knowing" part was what was eating me up inside. I've come to terms and accepted that it happened and that I can't change it. I've cut him, his family, and anyone who wasn't good for me out of my life. Since doing that, I'm much happier, I didn't realize how much they drained me until after everything was done. I want to thank everyone who posted and gave their opinion, it meant a lot to me!

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    I find some of these comments problematic, especially by Cherylyn. Sorry Cherylyn I don't think that a woman simply just can't have male friends and can't be alone with men at all. Of course it's good to be careful and for example not just go to someone's place that you don't really know.

    But if a woman has had a male friend for a while and it was just friendship, then why is she considered naive if she was spending time alone with this friend? Most men are not predators and will not do this to a woman. I've had some male friends for many years and my partner doesn't mind if I have male friends. Sometimes I was alone with them for whatever reason and they have never done anything to me. Maybe some male friends expressed romantic or sexual interest in me, but when I told them I wasn't interested, they didn't touch me.

    Saying "No, I don't want to do anything" should be more than enough to make that person stop. Just because she didn't physically push or fight the male friend off doesn't mean he had the go ahead to sexually assault her. People shouldn't just act like animals and just because that person wasn't fighting them, to keep sexually touching them. When you hear a "no" that means no.

    Sexual consent needs to be given either verbally or by the person willingly engaging in sex. When the person said: "No, I don't want it", there was no consent.

    Victim blaming is saying the woman deserved it because she wasn't fighting the guy, she was alone with a guy, or had a shorter skirt. She didn't deserve it in any of those cases. Sometimes in summer I might see a guy in a park with no shirt on because it's not. Does that mean he "asked for it" and I can go up to that guy and start sexually touching him?

    We should be allowed to be alone with a friend because that person is supposed to be our FRIEND. By all means they can express that they like us or want sex but they shouldn't be doing anything when they were told "no".
    I fully support having male friends. All I'm saying is be prepared for any scenario whether it's without incident or otherwise. And, saying, "No, I don't want to do anything" is not always a guarantee that the guy will actually listen and take the honorable route. Even though no means no, unfortunately, when it's 1:1 anything can happen good, bad or indifferent.

    Be alone with a male friend because many times a male friend has a different perspective and philosophy regarding life, dynamics, advice, relationships, etc. In a perfect world, you can trust every male friend. I hope it works in your favor.

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