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Thread: She Doesn't Want Me Texting With Any Other Girl

  1. #1
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    She Doesn't Want Me Texting With Any Other Girl

    I've been with her for close to 10 months now. I'm 25 she's 20. It's been sorta rule she put on me on the very early days that she doesn't want me to text any other girl on messenger, WhatsApp, etc. etc. She's ok with me talking face to face with them but nothing cyber basically. Even my relatives, even my very close friends I had for years. All of this comes from a childhood trauma of hers ; her dad has left for another woman when she was like 8yrs old. When he was leaving, her mom has asked her "please tell him to stay!" and she hadn't been able to do that. She blames the whole thing on herself because of this. Apparently it's this childhood incident that boils down to "I shouldn't let my partner deal with any other girl" in her mind.
    I knew this story and I agreed on this when we got into the relationship so I don't blame her. I want to somehow get used to this. It's been pretty hard coz I've always been muchh closer to girls than boys. But I want to get used to this.
    Please help me tell me how I should handle this.

  2. #2
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    She won't heal her pain left by her dad by being absurdly controlling and unreasonable with you.

    You were foolish to agree to her conditions of never messaging any girl or woman, including your own family. That last part in particular is ludicrous. If you are not being inappropriate, there is no reason to cease all online communication with anyone who is not male.

    My advice? Don't force yourself to "get used to this." Explain to her that she needs to demonstrate a little trust or the relationship will not work. Full stop. If she is unwilling to do this, you need to find a new girlfriend. Sorry.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    How does it work for her (the other way around)? Does she have any guys that she texts or talks to?

    Her aversions seem a bit strong but let's also be real here: most people wouldn't want their spouse or bf/gf being text buddies with someone else. And what for? If she doesn't talk to any guys or have any other male friends then your personalities most likely clash. She may think it's about her parents separating or her dad leaving but in reality, neither of you get along. Either way be mature about the whole thing and don't be a doormat and don't take things at face value and start panicking. Stop, think and look at her as a whole person. Look at both of you as two people and respect each other. If you don't see eye to eye, be respectful and go your separate ways.

    It's also a good idea to ask yourself where your frustration is coming from. Is it from what she's told you about her past (ie. you don't know how to process that) or is it because of your large group of female friends or ? You're 25. I think you have a good idea of what's appropriate and what isn't appropriate for you. I have faith that you do anyway.

  4. #4
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    Don't know why you tolerate any of this! I would never be with someone who is so insecure and controlling. Do you usually choose women who walk all over you? Stop being such a doormat!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    A person who hangs onto toxic baggage isn't ready to be in a relationship. And when you don't agree with a woman on relationship boundaries, she's not the right one for you. In the future, don't let the high of a new relationship sway you to make foolish decisions.

    A discussion is in order. If you can't come to a consensus, it's probably wise to realize you're not compatible.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    She is a control freak who needs some counseling to get over her childhood. She shouldn't be carrying around baggage from long ago for what her father did. You should not try to get used to her controlling ways, it wont work.

    I'd be telling her to get professional help or I am gone.

  8. #7
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    You should handle it by not giving in to her ridiculous & unrealistic demand. The opposite sex makes up half the population. It's absurd for her to tell you that you can't interact with female relatives.

    What you do is sit her down & remind her that you are a trustworthy guy & that it's inappropriate for her to punish you for what some other guy did to her. If she can't accept that the problem is her, let her go. Her toxic thinking will poison & destroy every relationship she ever has. You may just be an early casualty.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, you're both old enough to have a mature exclusive conversation. That means sex, dating and pursuing only each other. Do not let her childhood stories hold you hostage to an absurd controlling jealous attitude. You can communicate with whomever you want however you want, as long as you are both sincere and exclusive, not pursuing others. If you have a parade of female 'best friends', then you need to consider not being exclusive with anyone.
    Originally Posted by nirm2009
    I've been with her for close to 10 months now. I'm 25 she's 20.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Well, if she still has negative baggage making her this way then she needs to get herself into therapy so she can work through it all and get it out of her head that her dad leaving was her fault. Now, that being said... why do you NEED to chat online with other women? What is your NEED about?

    She hasn't asked you to stop interpersonal chats in real time with anyone so what's the big deal about getting off of the computer use to chat with other chicks? So, if you figure out what is missing in you that you are having a hard time adjusting to not talking online or in text to other women then maybe you would do well to get help to get over your addiction to doing such things?

    I'll tell you "how to handle this:" Rehab from your addiction to chatting to women online by never doing it. That's how you handle it.

  11. #10
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    It's NOT your job to resolve her childhood trauma for her. What she is asking is toxic, possessive and controlling. You are allowed to have women in your life that have meaning to you besides her. If she can't accept/understand that- then your relationship is already doomed to fail.

    You shouldn't "get used" to this, because proclaiming that she can be the only female in your whole life that you are "allowed" to communicate with is a form of abuse. I find it funny that she has no problem with you talking to a woman IRL since odds are THAT would more likely result in an actual affair than chatting to an old pal on FB that is- for example- married and lives in another state. And saying that you can't communicate with female RELATIVES? Sorry, dude- but that is SUPER F-ed up!
    She at LEAST needs to be okay with THAT or you just need to break up, cause that's INSANELY unreasonable.

    You can't affair-proof any relationship-the other person just has to trust you, and if they don't- then you need to understand WHY.
    And sorry, but her father cheating on her mother has NOTHING to do with you and her, so that's a pretty crappy excuse on her part. You shouldn't be punished for HER insecurity. Particularly if you have done nothing to merit her distrust in YOU.

    You need to sit down with her and be honest. Suggest she seek counseling if she cannot get over her childhood trauma. And tell her in no uncertain terms that you need to be allowed to have and maintain friendships, especially with friends that you had before you met her.
    If you don't- this will eventually implode on its own. What if a gal pal from your past sends you an evite to something? Is she going to accuse you of cheating? What is a female cousin invites you to a family event? Is she going to flip out? See what I mean?


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