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Thread: Girlfriend wants to be "friends" to heal

  1. #1

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    Girlfriend wants to be "friends" to heal

    She and I got together after about 3 months of talking, then after a couple months of being together she says she has alot on her plate with family problems, healing from her ex who she broke up with 6 months prior to meeting me, and she lost 2 best friends who just cut her off during the same time she broke up, she says she still needs to heal and find herself as when she was with me she would compare her ex with me and is not ready for a relationship, and we both shared instense feelings for eachother and the realtionship was long-term but she said it was too fast, and she wants to restart as friends and go slow to try build that connection again, I'm scared she might meet someone else during this time as we're going to the same university, but what if she never regains those emotions for me or friendzones me and meets someone new, what do I do, our relationship was amazing btw we were so compatible and everything was perfect... Or so I thought. I just don't know what to do in this situation.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Don't predict what she might do in the future and don't expect a relationship with her. If you don't expect, you won't feel hurt in the first place.

    Once you retrain your brain to have zero expectations from her, then you can establish friendship all over again. Know your boundaries with her though since it's only friendship and not a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Exercise self control and know your place as a FRIEND only.

    If this arrangement is too uncomfortable for you and you simply don't wish to engage as strictly friends, then tell her so and part ways amicably and peacefully.

    Should your paths cross on campus, just remain peaceful, kind, act natural but remember you'll revert to an acquaintance level. Remain realistic and accept these changes. It's part of growing up and maturing with people.

  3. #3
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    Move on. You will be friend zoned.

    There is little history with this girl.

    She is not over her ex. Don't wait around. Cut all contact and do not attempt to be friends.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Wow. Tell her to go pay a therapist or give you $200/hr to "heal" her. Never date people like this. Dump her 100% and stop all communication . She's breaking up with you and using a insulting amount of self-pity to do it.
    Originally Posted by Rakim96
    she says she still needs to heal and find herself as when she was with me she would compare her ex with me and is not ready for a relationship,

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  6. #5
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    It's over, man.

    She isn't ready to date anyone else and is trying to let you down gently. The offer of being friends is a consolation prize, but do not be surprised if she slowly fades.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Excuses, excuses. Life is a continuation of stressors and problems popping up. If a woman isn't willing to deal with them with a supportive man by her side, it's really because she's just not that into you.

    Talking for 3 months before dating? Was that because of you or her? If it was your lack of proactiveness, in the future, don't wait more than 2 weeks to ask a girl out. You don't want to waste your time on being in the friend zone when you want more.

    If a person isn't willing to date you at a normal pace, just bail. Leave them to their disinterest or useless baggage. Don't let her attractiveness cloud your judgement. There are other cute girls out there who won't have any excuses who you can meet if you make yourself free to do so. Take care.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Rakim96
    She and I got together after about 3 months of talking, then after a couple months of being together she says she has alot on her plate with family problems, healing from her ex who she broke up with 6 months prior to meeting me, and she lost 2 best friends who just cut her off during the same time she broke up, she says she still needs to heal and find herself as when she was with me she would compare her ex with me and is not ready for a relationship, and we both shared instense feelings for eachother and the realtionship was long-term but she said it was too fast, and she wants to restart as friends and go slow to try build that connection again, I'm scared she might meet someone else during this time as we're going to the same university, but what if she never regains those emotions for me or friendzones me and meets someone new, what do I do, our relationship was amazing btw we were so compatible and everything was perfect... Or so I thought. I just don't know what to do in this situation.
    Just bail. As others have pointed out, she's not into you and she's not over her ex. As far as being friends, f*&k that. For the most part when a girls says she wants to be "friends" with a guy she's dated for a short amount of time, it means that she wants to keep him around as a plan B.

    You owe her nothing and owe her zero explanation if you choose to fade her out of your life. Look at it this way, she's wasted about 5 months of your life. Do you want her to continue wasting more of it while she gets her act together?

  9. #8
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    Because you mention university, I'm assuming you are both young. This stuff is long & complicated. She may be struggling to clearly verbalize what she wants.

    You need to ask her what her vision is. As "friends" will there be PDA? If so what? hugs, handholding, cuddling, kissing, making out, sex? If it's strictly hands off I would be leery. As "friends" will either of you be dating others or looking to date others? Will you present yourselves as "single" & available to others? If so, say no thank you. That is her telling you that she is friendzoning you. If she really wants to play the field, let her. Don't be her back up plan.

    Part of me thinks she is overwhelmed & the label of relationship scares her more then the behaviors. I'd try seeing if she will agree to date you & be exclusive but have the intensity of all it dialed back a bit. . . don't spend all your time together; don't be electronically tethered to each other. Go on dates. Study together once in a while. Don't spend every night together. Have more of a courtship.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Don't ever be someone's "friend" so they can use you to get over them. pffft.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Don't ever be someone's "friend" so they can use you to get over them. pffft.
    Also, agreeing to this does not mean she'll want you back someday. It just means you'll have a front row seat when she starts dating someone else. After all, you're "friends" so why would seeing her with someone else upset you??


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