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Thread: the after break up

  1. #1
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    the after break up

    hello hello, i hope you are all doing well.
    so here's the deal, i wrote something here, less than a month ago, about my break up with my one year boyfriend.
    i'm coming back here for some after break up advices, just as i said back then we work together and i know you all told me to keep it professional but that's the hardest part to do.
    we met last sunday, only said a hi to each other, he asked if i was okay, i said yes and asked the same thing... anyway it was normal.
    we had a very full week at work; so our only conversations were through social networks, asking each other for documents or papers related to work, we would look away whenever we meet and didn't talk at all.
    when the week-end started, he came and talked to me (always through social network), asked how was my week, told me he kind of spent it well, and since i set up my mind on not talking unecessarly, i answered shortly, told him "good for you", and he answered "thanks" when thanks wasn't an appropriate answer.
    I know that's i'm to blame for what's coming, but i feel like it was over my will. I got back and talked to him, we chatted about stupid stuff like the rain, like what was he doing or what i was doing to... And i asked him to play a game with me (i felt the urge to get something that would help me move on), a simple game where each one would ask questions and get answers honestly.
    we didn't fight or got angry, we acted like 2 real grown ups, i got answers i felt that i needed, then he suddenly asked me if i still have feelings for him (ps: he was uncertain a the end of our relationship, and said he had no longer feelings for me), couldn"t lie so i said "yes i do".
    he then said that replying to my answers makes him write a lot, and it's tiring, so he'd prefer to continue this game face to face, to get to ask/answer each other in real, d we agreed we'll do it when we meet next (didn't set a date or anything for that).
    i know it's weird, and i know i look completly messed up, i'm actually feeling better after all the sadness and pain passed a little bit with the time, and what happened didn't frustrate me, but there's something weird about all of this and i don't get to explain it.
    i'm always telling myself i just want a solid reason to help me move on, but i don't feel like i'm really doing it... should i play the game with him? do you think it will help?
    thank you for your answers as always ♡

  2. #2
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    Are you looking for another job?

  3. #3
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    should i play the game with him? do you think it will help?
    It may work temporarily as an easy series of booty calls on his end, but why would you want to demote yourself to that level?

    The definition of your game and his game have two different meanings, which will likely bounce you back to square one. In short, games are not the answer to moving on, yet gaining back your self-respect would be a good start, (imo).

  4. #4
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    no i'm not... why is that? should i?

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Are you looking for another job?
    the answer above is for you... sorry i clicked in the wrong one.

  7. #6
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    I would. It will help you move on, and you will not have to face him on a daily basis.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You need to cut it off with him emotionally. Don't answer his questions regarding if you still have feelings for him. He has already made it clear to you that he no longer has feelings for you so you need to know he has moved on as should you.

    As hard as it is to do, you must remain civil, natural, (but unnaturally too nice) and professional. It's time to wake up, grow up and mature. Stop living in the past.

    Disengage more and cut the chit chat. You can still remain polite; just don't get chummy.

    In your mind and at the workplace, you need to cut him loose.

    I've done this with people in my life whom I don't wish to associate with. In my case, it's with certain extended relatives and in-laws. I'm still nice to them but I've learned to enforce healthy boundaries by distancing myself. You ought to try this tactic in order to have joy and peace in your life.

    Don't play dumb mind games. Maintain a cool attitude. It will save your sanity.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop chasing him and seeking out contact. It will only set you back.
    Originally Posted by Riri2019
    i asked him to play a game with me (i felt the urge to get something that would help me move on), a simple game where each one would ask questions and get answers honestly.


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