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Thread: Why is my best friend of 11 years ghosting after moving out of friendzone

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    Why is my best friend of 11 years ghosting after moving out of friendzone

    For more context, we both moved back home and are commuting from home for work post grad. He broke off his relationship about a month ago and things picked up where they had left off prior to their relationship (that’s a whole other long story). Anyway, we’ve hung out a few times hooked up once or twice and I know he wants it to go further physically because he has mentioned it. We talked pretty much all day every day for the past few weeks and now all of a sudden he’s ghosting me a bit. He asked me to take off work one day because he was going to be off and he wanted to spend time together so I did. That day comes and he says he doesn’t think it will work because his family was still going to be home (again both living at home at the moment). I told him that’s fine but asked that we still hang out some way or another so that I didn’t take off work for no reason and he agreed… until he stopped answering me and ignored my texts. I feel kind of stupid and a bit hurt hurt because I should have just gone into work that day. He didn’t text me until the following night until he sent me an unrelated text to which I didn’t reply (pretty sure he was drunk as he was at a wedding that night) . I don’t know what to do here. Do I ghost him back? Do I lay into him and tell him I’m upset with him? I would think regardless of what’s happening between us now, he’s have the common curtesy to at least tell me he couldn’t hang out anymore. So much for 11 years of friendship I really don’t feel cared about right now.

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    Originally Posted by courtneyross52
    Do I ghost him back? Do I lay into him and tell him I’m upset with him? I
    Why go from one extreme to the other? Why not just have a mature conversation about what's going on?

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    I totally agree, have a ton of friends in my ear telling me to ignore him thats why I asked for advice because I dont feel thats the answer :(

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    Originally Posted by courtneyross52
    I totally agree, have a ton of friends in my ear telling me to ignore him thats why I asked for advice because I dont feel thats the answer :(
    It's not the answer. Just out of curiosity, how old are you and your friends?

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by courtneyross52
    He broke off his relationship about a month ago
    He is in rebound mode. Getting involved with him romantically was a very bad idea. What you are experiencing is the emotional roller-coaster he is in due to his recent break-up. If you get with him, you open yourself to being used as an emotional band-aid to be jerked around wave after wave. The 11 years of friendship won't make any difference. He is in a messed-up state of mind hence his behavior. If you have become emotionally attached to him, at this point your best bet of not getting hurt further would be to have a frank discussion (that the timing is not right and he first needs to heal from his break-up before he embarks into anything romantic with another person) and then distance yourself as it is very improbably that you can provide any genuine support without getting hurt yourself if you have romantic feelings for him.

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    He is rebounding. He just got out of a relationship, and looked to you for comfort. Not good.

    If he is a great friend, i suggest you arrange a meet up to talk. What he did was wrong. I would also forget about any more hook ups, unless you want the friendship to be over.

    He is not relationship material for you, or anyone at this point.

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    Originally Posted by AviationNut
    It's not the answer. Just out of curiosity, how old are you and your friends?
    I am 23 my friends are all 22

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    Yeah I get that... me and him were very close to dating but I dropped the ball and he started dating this other girl because of it. Thats why I said things picked back up where they left off and it felt similar to the first time but I can see how things have changed. He broke up with his girlfriend because he didnt feel the relationship was right for him and there was no reason for him to string her along so I felt maybe since he wasnt hurt he wouldnt be looking to rebound? I guess that sounds dumb thinking about that now :/

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    It's best not to label someone your best friend (and you're not, since he placed you to the back burner when he got a gf), because friendships usually evolve into different stages and sometimes end due to a variety of reasons.

    Obviously, his gf knew you two were not like brother and sister, hence the change in the dropping off of your "friendship."

    You've now crossed another border of making out, and he's realized the mistake he's made--that's why he's backing off.

    Ever hear of the saying, "Your feet take you to where your heart is." He's not by you. You don't have the place in his heart that you'd like. As for me, I don't plead for time from a friend or express anger about the lack of it, etc. In my mind, if I was a priority, he or she would make time for me. I put equal effort in, and if it's no effort, I let the friendship fade. This leaves me more time for people who actually care.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear all this. No, don't miss any more work days. He won't respect you and you won't respect yourself for it. It's the wrong thing to do in this situation as neither of you are committed, have very little understanding of where each of you stand and this isn't the kind of "friendship" you think it is.

    From now onwards, let him come to you and try and straighten yourself out when it comes to your other priorities. You're too emotionally attached to this person and call a spade a spade. This is not a friendship. You're crushing hard and he's not reciprocating (either he doesn't feel that way about you or it's not the right time). Be a bit more grown up about this and don't lower yourself like that again. Hope you feel better soon.

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