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Thread: Does anyone have experience with family chemo anger?

  1. #1
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    Does anyone have experience with family chemo anger?

    My dad is going through chemo and i been trying so hard to be supportive and help but he gets really angry at me. He doesnt with others... I asked him to please treat me same as others which made him more angry.

    I know about being supportive. Its hard though sometimes.

  2. #2
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    We actually need more information -- what are you doing that is different than anyone else? Are you taking care of him and others are just visiting? Also, if he is taking his anger out on you it is likely that he trusts your relationship and is throwing his negative feelings about his illness at you without worrying that you will walk away. That is completely NOT acceptable (I know, I have been in a very similar situation as the patient). Is he part of a support group or have a therapist? If not he should, and so should you, especially if you are the caregiver.

  3. #3
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    This is a time to focus on your dad and get out your frustration in a way that doesn’t include confronting him or telling him how you feel. I hear that you think he’s treating you worse than others. Might be true or might just be your perception. Be a support if possible in a way that limits personal interactions. Help with errands or make sure there’s enough of what he can drink or eat in the house or show him videos or shows that might distract him or cheer him up. Also take a step back and observe what he seems to need. Is it quiet? Space ? Ice chips? Get out of your head and be an objective listener.
    Also if course it’s frustrating to hear “treat me the same as others” - especially to someone who is ill that’s really vague and assumes he perceives the same difference you do. Instead when he speaks to you respectfully acknowledge it “I appreciate how you (be specific )” or “glad I could make you laugh!”

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    Yes im at home a lot and doing a lot... cleaning... Looking after dogs... Shoppinv and suchforth when others visit however my sister helps out when sje can but has her own family. Argument today was he got angry because i didnt want to walk dogs till later. He got angry and i asked if he could speak to me like he does others as he keeps getting really angry with me and i just am trying to do as much as i can.

    I just needed some space n a break today and now i feel awful and a bad person. I should have just took the dogs out when he wanted. I am mentally n physically exhausted atm though. I feel really bad saying that but its challenging.

    I love him to pieces though.

    I just wonder is it normal to be so angry and short? I knwo he is so tired all the time and i guess my mental and physical tiredness made me short too.

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  6. #5
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    I know there is such thing as chemo brain but he isnt getting mad at others... Maybe its because we are close. Normally its ok n we laugh about it after but today was different. Its not easy to deal with todaty.

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    Its good advice from both and i usually am like that batya33... Just today wasnt the best day.

    I

  8. #7
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Are you mothering him? Are you talking about his health extensively? Giving him advice? Being condescending?

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    No i dont. I dont talk about the chemo or cancer unless its time for treatment/scans etc.

    I just let him sleep and rest. I just do the housework... Pots... Shopping walk the dogs etc.

    Think today was just a bad day mentally for me.

  10. #9
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    Maybe saying to talk to me without getting angry like he is with others wasnt the best thing to do. Its just hard to see my father being short and angry with me when he isnt with other siblings when they arent doing much... But i want to make his life easier and make sure he rests and has no stress... Sometimes its just hard. It is challenging some days for sure.

    I think just write today off as one of those days.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jellybean2018
    Maybe saying to talk to me without getting angry like he is with others wasnt the best thing to do. Its just hard to see my father being short and angry with me when he isnt with other siblings when they arent doing much... But i want to make his life easier and make sure he rests and has no stress... Sometimes its just hard. It is challenging some days for sure.

    I think just write today off as one of those days.
    Do you tell him he needs to rest?

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