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Thread: Does anyone have experience with family chemo anger?

  1. #11
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    Oh yes. They can be horrible. They target the ones they love.

    I went to cancer support group, and I suggest you seek one out, as it helped me a great deal. Gilda's Club was a Godsend. One thing that I did learn, is that abusive behavior is unacceptable, no matter what they are going through. It is never OK.

    Also, make time for yourself. It is very important. You cannot care for others, if you do not care for yourself.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd write it off as one of those days. This isn't the forum for cancer support. The Canadian Cancer Society helped us out a lot. You can find them here: [Register to see the link]

    Also this: [Register to see the link]

    You should also have his patient health number and there's a phone number you can call for patient and family counselling: [Register to see the link] These people are trained counsellors. You should have an equivalent if you are not in British Columbia (check for your province).

    I don't know how long he has been been with his cancer diagnosis but he, you and your family may have been suffering mentally and emotionally (not just physically) for awhile in a state of shock and trauma. When my mum was diagnosed, it devastated all of us. I have been a caregiver and I have have seen death and illness but I have never seen death the way it ravages a body like it does cancer. She was in chronic pain and went through multiple surgeries. I cleaned the blood and emptied the 4 drainage bottles from her wounds every week, marking all the volumes of pus, blood and fluid. She couldn't walk or eat and her legs grew too weak to carry her. I would say chronic pain and discomfort from other drugs were the biggest issues in terms of comfort overall and pain management. Of course she was angry. We prayed together as a family and found strength in each other.

    I strongly recommend you look at the support groups in your province specifically for cancer patients and families. Online forums like this will not offer the support you need at this time. This is a relationship forum where the extent of issues are mostly communications-based and about cheating spouses and misunderstandings. You need actual counselling for cancer. I wouldn't underestimate what the diagnosis is doing to your own mental health.

    Take care of yourself.

  3. #13
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    Thank you hollyjand roses mosse. Im sorry to hear what you have been through. I will look into otherforuns and support offline 😊🙏

    I understand he is suffering also and thats why i reached out for support i guess as ive posted here before. Its just tricky.

  4. #14
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    I am sorry that you are dealing with this. Please do join a support group, it helps to be around others who know what you are going through. You need to be able to dump, and feel comfortable doing so.

    Hugs.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You can always post here if you need help. The members are compassionate and will be here to help you talk things out. For mental health and coping I'd seek counselling. I know there were days, weeks and months where I was in a mental haze. I didn't and couldn't feel anything. I responded and did as I was told and I kept watch because I was supposed to. We all lived in constant fear and whatever pain a loved one feels we feel. There was not a single day that I was not suffering either mentally or emotionally because she was too. She did take her anger out on us and to be honest with you, I took it out on God. I grew very distant from all my beliefs and extremely angry with God in general. I know that sounds a bit funny but every bit of hatred and anger I felt I threw it back at him. I'm not proud of that. It took awhile to come back from that but I did (we all did).

    You seem to be moving through it a lot more gracefully than I ever did. I hope you are still able to find joy in the little things.

  7. #16
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    Is there money/resources to hire someone to help with the dogs/errands/housework even if part time?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get a dog-walker, house-keeper and people to come in and help him, both medically with things as well as practically at home. Stop acting like a spouse/nurse/housekeeper.

    Arrange proper care for him such as cancer support groups and therapy. Stop trying to be daddy's best little girl. Get on with your own life. Work more, go to school more, get out more, date, find your own place. Let other people help him more. He needs more socialization that just you being there. He needs appropriate mental health care to deal with all this. Provide that.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Get a dog-walker, house-keeper and people to come in and help him, both medically with things as well as practically at home. Stop acting like a spouse/nurse/housekeeper.

    Arrange proper care for him such as cancer support groups and therapy. Stop trying to be daddy's best little girl. Get on with your own life. Work more, go to school more, get out more, date, find your own place. Let other people help him more. He needs more socialization that just you being there. He needs appropriate mental health care to deal with all this. Provide that.
    I doubt that she has a choice. Some of these things can be quite costly. This is a very challenging and exhausting situation.

    Can other family members and friends step up to the plate?

  10. #19
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Are you living at home?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I doubt that she has a choice. Some of these things can be quite costly. This is a very challenging and exhausting situation.

    Can other family members and friends step up to the plate?
    I agree with you. Some comments really amaze me. I think you can tell those who have developed strong relationships with parents and family members and some who have not, those who have been caretakers in difficult situations and others who haven't. I still strongly suggest other forums (specific to cancer) or support services with others going through the same challenges you are, OP. This forum really is not the place.

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