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Thread: I'm in love with my coworker but she has a boyfriend

  1. #11
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
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    Try not to listen to anyone's opinions about your integrity or hers. A man and a woman can "hang out" as friends for god's sake, grow up. That being said..even if she were single, it is poor timing to try and start a relationship, as she may come to you because she needs help and not because she has feelings. But, the fact that she has a boyfriend makes it even more off-limits. It's wrong of you to assume that they are having interpersonal problems just because of a financial hardship.

    Now, if during your time together, she tells you how unhappy she is in her relationship, listen intently and offer advice but do not make a move or reveal your feelings. You would ruin your work relationship and/or friendship. Like others have said, cool off for a while. Sometimes two people get together and live happily ever after under strange circumstances, but let her be the one to make the move. Bottom line, she will not be ready for another relationship until she breaks it off with her boyfriend. And even then, she will need some time and space.

  2. #12
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    Oh, you're crushing hard about this girl, but I would not call it love.

    Give yourself a break. Make new friends, keep it professional with her. Don't go places alone with her and do not indulge in her whining about the BF. That's for her and her girlfriends.

    Once you find available women you will forget this temptation.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by drivenfuture
    I'm in love with my coworker.
    No you're not. You have a crush on her. Love develops overtime.

    Originally Posted by drivenfuture
    we've hung out alone together before and she definitely seems to enjoy being with me. and she talks to me about absolutely everything and we make good eye contact and I feel like have great chemistry, and she always looks directly at me when I'm driving.
    So, she sees you as one of her girlfriends. She doesn't see you as anything more than a friend. What you call "great chemistry" she calls a friendship. As others have said, it's very poor form to hang out with her one-on-one when SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.

    Originally Posted by drivenfuture
    Not only this, but shes in a terrible situation with her boyfriend. they live with his dad and just got an eviction notice and she says shes going to try to find an apartment with him, and I just dont see how it could possibly work...but I've been afraid to tell her how I feel both due to the bf, and because she isnt exactly in a great place right now.
    Apparently it's not that terrible since she's looking for an apartment with him. I actually call into question how terrible the situation is and wonder if you're not just biased against him.

    Dude, don't be THAT guy. STOP being a BETA orbiter and just move on. This girl doesn't see you as anything more than a friend. Don't sit around pathetically thinking that she'll be with you if/when she breaks up with her boyfriend. She wont'. She doesn't see you in that way, pal.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    So she’s playing you. Not a good catch. BOYFRIEND is all you need to know .
    Did I miss something?

  5.  

  6. 09-13-2019, 01:26 PM

  7. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. being in the male-girlfriend zone is worse than the friendzone. Do yourself a favor and do not chase coworkers and worse, women who live with their bfs. Instead get on some dating apps and start meeting single women for a low key coffee. You have to go out and date. The workplace is not a singles bar, Stop harassing her.

    Keep in mind chasing her like this, particularly since she has a bf and is not interested could be construed as sexual harassment. Just stop.
    Originally Posted by AviationNut
    she sees you as one of her girlfriends.

  8. #16
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=quark;7162799]Try not to listen to anyone's opinions about your integrity or hers. A man and a woman can "hang out" as friends for god's sake, grow up. "

    WRONG! This is not a platonic friendship, hence the title: I'm in love with a co-worker who has a bf

    Totally different situation that a person with grown-up logic can understand. And I'm sure if the girl's poor bf read what was written here, he'd totally agree that a guy who isn't a fan of his and his girlfriend's relationship, because the "friend" wants her all to himself, shouldn't be spending one-on-one time with HIS girlfriend.

    A grown-up respects the sanctity of other's unions by walking away from an inappropriate friendship.

  9. #17
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Yeah, "I'm in love with a co-worker who has a bf" mindset should be totally and completely off limits. Grow up, mature and know your common sense boundaries.

    Play it safe, remain polite yet maintain a diplomatic, professional distance. Be moral and intelligent enough to know better. Be smart.

    This is not rocket science.

  10. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    If I really wanted to preserve future potential with someone who was in a rocky relationship, I'd avoid positioning myself badly to witness any capacity for disloyalty to the BF with me. That includes playing friendzies so she can complain about the guy. That only sets you up to lose, because even if you ever 'win,' you'll enjoy your victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that now you've promoted yourself from the one she's disloyal 'with' to the one she'll be disloyal 'to'.

    Skip that, and stay out of it. If the woman is ever free and clear of her lousy relationship, then you'll only have the issue of trying to date a coworker to contend with. That's no picnic, either.

  11. 09-15-2019, 10:18 AM

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