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Feeling calmer, and understanding my path everyday


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Wow. I am feeling so much better today surprisingly. I’m realizing more and more the importance of forgiveness. I need to forgive myself and despite everything my ex has done to me I need to forgive him too. Things ARE different now and it’s time to stop crying (for now lol), feeling bad for myself, and get my life back on track. I’m still having anxiety here and there, but I am starting therapy next week so I will hopefully learn how to manage it more effectively. I have to recognize that it is not me, I can not blame myself for someone else’s short comings. I love him and I know he loves me, but I can’t be with a man that’s broken. I can’t waste my life trying to fix someone else’s wounds. He showed me his true colors, and they weren’t as beautiful as I thought they would be. And maybe I should be thankful he broke up with me because for all I know he could’ve went from gaslighting me, to abusing me. I know he will never ever forget me, I served my purpose in bringing kindness, love into his life but now it’s time I bring that to my own life. I see a light at the end of the tunnel, even though it might take some time to get there. I’ll get there. I can do this. I will be okay.

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Your growth is maturity and wisdom gained.

 

Glad you thoroughly understand gaslighting. I never understood that gaslighting was happening to me until many years later. Better late than never. Gaslighting is the oldest trick in the book.

 

Give yourself time to heal and recover. Good that you're planning to attend therapy next week.

 

Whether it's relationships, marriages, friendships, family relationships, extended family relationships or what have you, if two people aren't compatible in the empathy department, it will never work no matter how much you or the other person tries to force it to work. I've come to this conclusion years ago.

 

Whenever people lack emotional intelligence (EQ), all relationships are doomed for failure.

 

Forgiveness is great as long as we know the correct definition of the word forgive. To forgive means to move on. Forgive does NOT condone bad behavior and forgive certainly does NOT mean forget. Forgive means you will not wish ill will upon the perpetrator, hold bitter grudges nor retaliate. It means to release the stewing burden and let it go so you can proceed forward with your own life. Too often, people think forgiveness means to give the perpetrator endless free passes which couldn't be further from the truth.

 

You will be ok. Take baby steps one day at a time. When you look back one day, your negative past will become nothing but a blur which is a good thing.

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I deleted my socials a couple months ago so I don’t have the option to unblock him or anything. I was also feeling pressure from a guy that has had a crush on me for a few years now to go out with him and I just don’t want to. He’s very sweet and means well, but I need all the energy I have left for me not for another person. I will come back to social media when I feel I’m in a better place to do so.

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I deleted my socials a couple months ago so I don’t have the option to unblock him or anything. I was also feeling pressure from a guy that has had a crush on me for a few years now to go out with him and I just don’t want to. He’s very sweet and means well, but I need all the energy I have left for me not for another person. I will come back to social media when I feel I’m in a better place to do so.

 

Give yourself a long break from people. It's part of your healing and recovery process. I agree, save your energy for yourself because you need a mental health break. Take great care of your physical health too because there's a strong sound body, sound mind connection. When you're ready, surround yourself with stable, normal, very moral people. Be good to yourself.

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I deleted my socials a couple months ago so I don’t have the option to unblock him or anything. I was also feeling pressure from a guy that has had a crush on me for a few years now to go out with him and I just don’t want to. He’s very sweet and means well, but I need all the energy I have left for me not for another person. I will come back to social media when I feel I’m in a better place to do so.

 

You are nowhere near ready to date. It would not be fair to him.

 

Time to be independent for a long while. Hang out with friends and heal from the break up, it was along relationship. Give it at least 6 more months.

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Well like I said he was the one that wanted to meet up with me. I never asked to meet up he always was the one to ask. And I don’t have anything to block him on and I don’t plan on contacting him. I’m a person that knows my place and knows when I’m not wanted. So with that I have no desire to contact him.

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"Since May he had been texting once a week asking how I am, casual conversation, as well as conversation about how I feel about us, him telling me he wanted to see me, and that I’m beautiful, smart, amazing, he’s toxic for me, and I deserve so much more than him, finally it all lead up to a couple weeks ago. He finally told me he missed me and that he missed my voice and he had a photo of me still that he looked at, and he thinks of me everyday. 2 weeks pass and I don’t hear from him so I text him and he asks if I can meet him this weekend, I agree this weekend comes and he drops a bomb on me that he has just started dating someone new. I don’t understand. What is the point of telling me you miss me and all that stuff if you were just gonna move on anyways?

It is very clear from this that you wanted to rekindle things. It's time that you be honest with us, and yourself. This happened two weeks ago.

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I’m forgiving myself for re entering contact with him. And I’d appreciate it if you were a little less harsh. I realize my mistakes.

 

Listen, if you want help from us, you should be honest. We are here to support, but when someone is feeding us lies, it feels deceptive.

 

Be honest, and you will not receive judgement. Also, are you going to block him on your phone?

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I was never dishonest? I never tried to make it seem like I didn’t do things I did in my original post. Yes I was in contact with him, yes I did want to rekindle things. But now I realized the path I need to take and I need to focus on myself and that I’m going to be okay. That’s all. I’m fully aware of things I’ve done and I’m not going to make myself feel about it or let you make me feel bad for what I did. I realize my mistakes and I forgive myself.

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I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I am glad that you are accepting that this is over, and will move on. it is a good thing that he is dating, so that you can recognize that it is over. He should not have deceived you and strung you along so long after the split.

 

You said that there had been no contact for two months by social media, but failed to tell us that you had been in regular contact by text . That is deceptive on your part.

 

Now, you will focus on you. Heal and reflect on why you were in this toxic relationship, and move to a healthier place.

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If I left something out I do apologize. I was feeling a lot of feelings was overwhelmed and I might’ve left something out. I just wanted to put how I was feeling out so I could get some advice. But I don’t deceive people. I gain nothing from doing that. I don’t understand what that would have to do with this post if I’m gaining clarity and feeling better.

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If I left something out I do apologize. I was feeling a lot of feelings was overwhelmed and I might’ve left something out. I just wanted to put how I was feeling out so I could get some advice. But I don’t deceive people. I gain nothing from doing that. I don’t understand what that would have to do with this post if I’m gaining clarity and feeling better.

 

Because, just yesterday you were in a totally different mindset. I was confused.

 

I commend you and wish you strength, here on out!

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