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Thread: Am I the rebound?

  1. #11
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
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    Have you confronted him about the instagram account? There is a difference between just looking at someones account out of curiosity to see what they are up to and hacking in to see who they are talking to and what posts they are liking. I would worry about the latter. And even though I myself am guilty of not allowing much time between relationships, I feel that you jumped in too soon. Just because having a child in the mix makes things significantly more complicated. The kid isn't going anywhere which means that they will have to co-parent. Will you be comfortable with him being in contact with her for the rest of your relationship?

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Madisan
    Also they are nearly a year separated
    With a 3 month old child, they were definitely not a year separated.

  3. #13
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    I honestly don't know what the "just right time" to move in with somebody is. Relationships can be quite complex. I often stay away from spying as it presents a danger of getting only part of what is going on and jumping into wrong conclusions. and the risk of the accused undermining the legitimacy of your complaint by turning the spotlight on you spying (often labelled as having trust issues).

    So my litmus test on whether a person loves me or not is how he treats me. I question him if there is anything that concerns me and I have learnt that the ones who actually do love you, go out of their way to allay your fears/concerns because they don't want to lose you.

    You should never have to play a guessing game on whether a person loves you or still hung up on their ex. If you have to investigate, take a step back and examine the integrity of your relationship.

    I hope this helps and if it doesn't, I hope it at least makes you think.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Madisan
    He tells me he loves me. They're relationship ended very badly and they have very little communication with one another. She also lives a good bit away from him.
    Yet he stalks her.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Really like metafisics thinking here.

    Relationships are at once too complex for rules and labels, and yet they're also pretty simple. If you are in a relationship where you are looking for clues by spying on your partner's social media activity, instead of finding "answers" through an open, ongoing discussion about your lives as individuals and your feelings for each other, you are likely in a relationship that is built on a wobbly foundation. And if you're asking questions like "Am I the rebound?" it's likely because you've already decided the answer is yes, but really, really want to find something to negate that answer in your head.

    So, yeah, the hard facts here don't sound so promising. Someone weeks out of a 6-year-relationship, with a child, who opts to get involved with someone else rather than shore up his ship—I would be uncomfortable. Someone who does not have a cordial enough co-parenting relationship where they can either follow each other on IG, or not, but is instead "hacking" into her account—no, wouldn't go there. But I'm not you. Problem here is that you don't sound very comfortable at an early moment in a relationship where comfort should really be the most dominant feeling—the thing that expanding on a solid foundation, not contracting on a wobbly one.

    Personally, I have a zero-tolerance policy for social media stalking, snooping, all that. I don't want to be anywhere near that, don't want to spend even a second of my life being tempted into that place. That's a personal "rule" of my own learned by brushing up against some of that in experiments with romance—which are all relationships are—and realizing that I couldn't handle it. Perhaps these 9 months have been about learning that lesson yourself, hard as that is to consider.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes, what about the math here? He's still very much 'with' her. As he should be supporting her and their child. A man who runs away from responsibility to a good-for-now-girl is not going to stick around. Sadly you're less than a rebound, you are just a right-now situation for him.
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    With a 3 month old child, they were definitely not a year separated.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Madisan
    Also they are nearly a year separated
    Yes now... because you’ve been together 9 months, when you met him though, it was mere weeks.

    He is not a year out of that relationship, his healing stalled the second he got with you, you can’t move forward with a clean slate by rushing into a relationship with someone else.

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