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Thread: Husband keeps walking away from me when he sees scary-looking people in the stre

  1. #1

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    Husband keeps walking away from me when he sees scary-looking people in the stre

    Hi! Sorry for the long title I really don't know how else to word it lol but the title pretty much says it all. We've been married for a year and I'm 24, he's 25. We live in a rough town and we'll be walking next to each other but if he sees someone scary/rough looking either behind or ahead or whatever direction, he'll suddenly start walking off very fast without warning leaving me alone with said rough person... it happened yesterday when we were in a narrow alley-type path (hard to explain) there were 2 very rough looking men and mid way through me talking he just walked off very quickly and left me alone to walk pass them. It was scary 'cos they were staring at me with their mouths open as I walked pass as if they were going to say something or thinking something.

    The worst is, I have anxiety and PTSD involving men and he know a this as I've been talking about it recently to him too. I also have a chronic pain condition which makes it impossible for me to walk fast (although I try my best) and he knows this too and he practically RUNS. This also happens on roads even when the car is very far away or sometimes if there's no car, he will run across the road most of the time leaving me to cross alone (which I am not good at at all which is apparently because of my aspergers/sensory overload).

    We're having so many other problems like that he acts extremely childish and sulks as if I've told him off when I say something basic and casual like "don't put that thing there because it will fall" (as an example) and he'll start sulking and whining. Whenever there's a problem in our relationship he will give 0 contribution to solving the problem, he will literally sit in silence and stare at me for hours while I try to figure if out myself! A lot of the time he'll just leave too. There's so many times he's been nasty to me, insults me, even name calling like a child!
    Sometimes saying unforgivable things that no one would tolerate and in the end I have to be the one to resolve it because he will not apologise or participate in resolving at all. I have to do everything myself, even all the "adult" stuff like shopping, finance etc he will not help, he makes it more stressful sometimes by acting "hyper" and blurring out weird stuff like "hey let's eat plastic for dinner, or curtains (and he'll just go on and on while I'm stressing out doing the food shopping alone which I've always struggled with massively). He's extremely childish and cocky and thinks he's funny making snarky remarks and calling me names while I'm trying to either help him or fix a relationship problem/argument. I honestly feel like I'm living with a child and that I'm his mum. All I do is look after him (because he asks) and carry the weight of our whole relationship and yet all he does is fight me on it in a childish way (not even in a - this is my point of view - or mature way).

    Sorry this is so long! I'm so close to ending it and I'm crying so much at my stupid desicion of marrying him (you'd think you would know someone after 12 years of friendship). What can I do? My mum and sister have seen how he is too and they say it's not fair on me at all, his sister also sort of warned me in the beginning of dating but I didn't really understand until now. I feel so trapped.

  2. #2
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    When did he start acting like this? Only after the wedding?

  3. #3

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    Yep pretty soon after it got worse very quickly. :/

  4. #4

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    I also wanna mention he's grumpy A LOT, and always acts annoyed with me in random situations and ignores me randomly. He's very passive aggressive too which is so annoying. :(

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    What did his sister tell you?

    Friendship does not = relationship. I was friends with this guy for years. When we finally got together, it was good for a while but then he got really emotionally abusive. I never saw this side of him until we got together as a couple...so yeah, 12 years of friendship doesn't necessarily tell you much because many people are VERY different in a relationship than in a friendship.

  7. #6

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    I can't remember exactly anymore but it was basically about things with communication and childishness I think. And yeah you're right and I feel so so stupid and naive to not have known that, we made the decision (to get married) during a stupid time too, I was withdrawing off some strong meds and wasn't in the right mind at all, it was hell. I don't know why we thought any decision then would be a good one but I just trusted my feelings, his desicion and everyone else seemed to support it so I thought it must have been right. :/

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    We all make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over it. You've been married one year so in a sense, you've only "wasted" that one year. Not 10 or 20 or more.

    If you want to get out, then do so. It's clear that you weren't in a good frame of mind and the marriage has been cruddy for you since it started. You're still young - I woild see a divorce lawyer soon and see if you can get a quick and amicable divorce. I'm not sure if you'd qualify for anullment but that's a question for the lawyer.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    You are not trapped. You can file for a divorce very cheaply. Since you've been barely married a year, the faster you move forward, the easier. The longer you stay, the harder and more costly it will become. It's great that people close to you are seeing his true face and will support you leaving him. Please just end this.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Start now being more independent and taking better care of yourself.. He's not your body guard. Act as if you are single so you can eventually leave him. He's too immature, so just focus on improving your life and health. He can't be the answer to all your problems. Solve problems yourself, it will be good practice for when you leave him. Enlist the help of friends and family. He's unreliable so don't rely on him.

  11. #10
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    He sounds like an emotionally abusive simpleton.

    I would start to look for an exit to the marriage. Get out! He is awful!

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