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Thread: Healing Progress Lost

  1. #1
    Member chandler123's Avatar
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    Healing Progress Lost

    My ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. He broke up with me. It was my choice to take him off of social media right after the breakup happened, so we've had no contact ever since. I was really distraught at first, but overtime, I've been healing pretty well for the most part, keeping myself busy with exercise, school, work, casual dating, spending time with friends and family, etc.

    However, just the other day I accidentally saw my ex in public for the first time after the breakup (he didn't see me), and I really wish I didn't because a rush of emotion came back to me. It's almost like all my healing progress was for nothing now, and I'm back at square one again. I've missed him ever since the breakup happened, but now, I miss him more than I did at first, it seems. I'm not trying to rekindle anything. I would never try to do that - especially after the nasty breakup we had. I just would like to get back to normal and forget.

    Has this happened to anyone before? Any advice on how to bounce back?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd brush it off and place less importance on the encounter. I know this sounds blunt but not meaning to be rude. Have a pep talk with yourself and remind yourself of the reasons for the break up and why it happened in the first place. Remain resolute and firm in your decision to walk away and quietly reaffirm your decisions with yourself.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's ok. Healing is a two-step dance, not a linear process. Just brush it off.

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    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by chandler123
    Has this happened to anyone before?
    Heh. Only pretty much everyone that has ever gone through a breakup :)

    It’s what’s known as a trigger, and unfortunately they’re everywhere and may go on for a while...

    Places you went together, certain movies or songs and the dreaded social media etc...but running into the ex would have to be one of the bigger ones*
    Originally Posted by chandler123
    Any advice on how to bounce back?
    Like Wiseman said, healing is not linear, but every time we hit the bottom we bounce a little higher*

    You will be fine if you just carry on doing what you’ve been doing*

    Carus*

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    It's part and parcel of the breakup process. Most people fall off the no contact wagon, at least you didn't try to contact him. Thankfully, it can be like a slingshot. Sure, you feel like you've been pulled back worse than before, but you'll quickly fly back again and this will have been a good thing.

    Then, one day, you'll run into him, smile, walk away and feel nothing. That's when you'll know it's over.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Naaah, you never 'lose' your progress, it just feels like it. Make it a private goal to surprise yourself with your resilience even as you struggle through the bumps and bruises that feel like setbacks. The first year of grieving a LTR is for reclaiming your holidays, birthdays, private milestones and the geography where your paths may cross. Over time your new focus becomes more important as ex becomes irrelevant.

    It takes time, and you'll get there.

    Head high.

  8. #7
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    You're fine, it is normal! I've used this analogy before; however, when I quit smoking, it felt like an insurmountable task - climbing a massive internal mountain - and when I would slip up and smoke a cigarette, I would feel like I just lost all progress.

    But reality is, it is a slip; not a fall.

    You're still healing and it didn't remove any progress. What it did do was tell you that you are still healing though; so at least you know you're on your way (you ceased feeling like you had felt up to that point), but aren't yet ready to physically see him.

    Dust yourself off and back to it.


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