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Thread: Feeling calmer, and understanding my path everyday

  1. #1
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    Feeling calmer, and understanding my path everyday

    Wow. I am feeling so much better today surprisingly. Iím realizing more and more the importance of forgiveness. I need to forgive myself and despite everything my ex has done to me I need to forgive him too. Things ARE different now and itís time to stop crying (for now lol), feeling bad for myself, and get my life back on track. Iím still having anxiety here and there, but I am starting therapy next week so I will hopefully learn how to manage it more effectively. I have to recognize that it is not me, I can not blame myself for someone elseís short comings. I love him and I know he loves me, but I canít be with a man thatís broken. I canít waste my life trying to fix someone elseís wounds. He showed me his true colors, and they werenít as beautiful as I thought they would be. And maybe I should be thankful he broke up with me because for all I know he couldíve went from gaslighting me, to abusing me. I know he will never ever forget me, I served my purpose in bringing kindness, love into his life but now itís time I bring that to my own life. I see a light at the end of the tunnel, even though it might take some time to get there. Iíll get there. I can do this. I will be okay.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Glad you're feeling better. Don't speak to him either if he tries contacting you. You need time (uninterrupted time) to heal and rebuild your life. Enjoy your hobbies, spending time with your friends, doing other things with people who want to be with you and enjoy time with you.

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    You will do it!!!!!

    Have you blocked and deleted him, as you have been in contact?

    I think it a positive that he is dating, it will help you move forward.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 09-12-2019 at 03:59 PM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    This is a great post. I wish more people figured out what you have figured out so far!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your growth is maturity and wisdom gained.

    Glad you thoroughly understand gaslighting. I never understood that gaslighting was happening to me until many years later. Better late than never. Gaslighting is the oldest trick in the book.

    Give yourself time to heal and recover. Good that you're planning to attend therapy next week.

    Whether it's relationships, marriages, friendships, family relationships, extended family relationships or what have you, if two people aren't compatible in the empathy department, it will never work no matter how much you or the other person tries to force it to work. I've come to this conclusion years ago.

    Whenever people lack emotional intelligence (EQ), all relationships are doomed for failure.

    Forgiveness is great as long as we know the correct definition of the word forgive. To forgive means to move on. Forgive does NOT condone bad behavior and forgive certainly does NOT mean forget. Forgive means you will not wish ill will upon the perpetrator, hold bitter grudges nor retaliate. It means to release the stewing burden and let it go so you can proceed forward with your own life. Too often, people think forgiveness means to give the perpetrator endless free passes which couldn't be further from the truth.

    You will be ok. Take baby steps one day at a time. When you look back one day, your negative past will become nothing but a blur which is a good thing.

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    I deleted my socials a couple months ago so I donít have the option to unblock him or anything. I was also feeling pressure from a guy that has had a crush on me for a few years now to go out with him and I just donít want to. Heís very sweet and means well, but I need all the energy I have left for me not for another person. I will come back to social media when I feel Iím in a better place to do so.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cmf1011
    I deleted my socials a couple months ago so I donít have the option to unblock him or anything. I was also feeling pressure from a guy that has had a crush on me for a few years now to go out with him and I just donít want to. Heís very sweet and means well, but I need all the energy I have left for me not for another person. I will come back to social media when I feel Iím in a better place to do so.
    Give yourself a long break from people. It's part of your healing and recovery process. I agree, save your energy for yourself because you need a mental health break. Take great care of your physical health too because there's a strong sound body, sound mind connection. When you're ready, surround yourself with stable, normal, very moral people. Be good to yourself.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by cmf1011
    I deleted my socials a couple months ago so I donít have the option to unblock him or anything. I was also feeling pressure from a guy that has had a crush on me for a few years now to go out with him and I just donít want to. Heís very sweet and means well, but I need all the energy I have left for me not for another person. I will come back to social media when I feel Iím in a better place to do so.
    You are nowhere near ready to date. It would not be fair to him.

    Time to be independent for a long while. Hang out with friends and heal from the break up, it was along relationship. Give it at least 6 more months.

  10. #9
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    You were in contact with him two weeks back. Let's be honest, here! You wanted to meet up with him, but he blew you off. He then told you he had a new gf.

    You need to delete and block him on everything!

  11. #10
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    Well like I said he was the one that wanted to meet up with me. I never asked to meet up he always was the one to ask. And I donít have anything to block him on and I donít plan on contacting him. Iím a person that knows my place and knows when Iím not wanted. So with that I have no desire to contact him.

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