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Thread: Moving for a Guy or Money?

  1. #1

    Moving for a Guy or Money?

    I met a guy online over a month ago. We used to talk and text everyday, FaceTime, we only lived 1 mile away from each other so a week later decided to meet up. It was instant attraction and we got along on a lot of different levels. As amazing as this was, 3 weeks prior i was actually offered a new work opportunity in a city 3 hours away that i accepted and was really upset that I didnít meet him sooner. I didnít tell him about me moving until about 2 days before. I was super nervous because I wanted us to work out and continue dating and see where it goes but I knew my moving could change that.
    So i finally asked him one night to meet up and finally told him about my work opportunity and that I was moving. He was really upset and his eyes got watery while he was telling me that he ďreally likes meĒ and asked why did I lie and not tell him sooner. I told him, i didnít lie, i just wasnít ready to tell you. I felt really bad, but I told him that I want to know if he wants to keep talking and see where it goes or if he wants to stop talking, and he said that he feels our relationship has the potential to be great and he doesnít want to give up on us so easy and that he would drive out to see me once I got settled.

    Well its been 3 weeks and fast forward to now, in the first week, we would still talk and FaceTime every night
    but slowly that has ended and we barely even talk now. I ended up having to go back to the city i was previously to open my mailbox and I made plans to meet up with him, but wasnít able to because last minute I had to drive back the same day. He got upset that I cancelled and I havenít heard from him since. That was 3 days ago.

    Well the work opportunity that I got, its a long story but the location got ordered to shut down for legal reasons and now Iím out of a job. I signed a lease to a new place out here and now have to decide if I want to pay 2k to cancel it and move back to where I came from or try to stay out here and look for a new job.
    I reached out to a few friends and they offered me jobs to start asap if I was to move back. But honestly I feel like I would just be moving back, for a job of course and to make money but deep down I canít lie and i know i want to go back because i want to move things forward with Johnny and want to go back to how things originally were.

    I just wanted advice on if I should stay out here and try to get a job or if I should move back for a ďguyĒ. iíve moved and done stuff for a guy before and regret it and I donít want to make the same mistake.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you're homesick and out of work, move back. Don't move back for this guy, he doesn't sounds too nice.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your bread 'n butter job is more important than the guy. You have to think of survival first and foremost. Get the job and the guy or any good guy will have to wait until after you're settled with your new job. Life happens.

    Never move back for the guy. Follow the job. Everything in life is a sacrifice. Get the job first, get settled into your new place and if the guy is willing to reunite with you, then great and if not, date another guy who is local to your home and work. Be practical.

  4. #4
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    I wouldn't prioritize the guy . I was wondering if you'd ever cancelled plans with him before and if so, why? He seemed to overreact.
    I moved for a guy - but only because I knew we were getting married - I'd only move for those reasons -long term commitment - unless you have reasons independent of the guy for relocating to that place.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I moved for a guy - but only because I knew we were getting married - I'd only move for those reasons -long term commitment - unless you have reasons independent of the guy for relocating to that place.
    Same. If it was someone I was already in an LTR with then I would definitely consider it... otherwise I don't take guys into the equation when I make decisions in my life. There will always be an opportunity to meet someone new if I invest in myself and the life that I want.

  7. #6
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    Look for a new job where you currently live immediately. Pay the rent. If you decide to move back when your lease is up, fine, but don't move for him. you can try to date more by meeting halfway for dinner or going to visit him one weekend a month and he comes to see you one weekend. if communication is already waning, you likely won't last if you move back. it might naturally have run its course.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I wouldn't want to confuse the situation further by contacting this poor guy again. You did mislead him by moving out of town with the knowledge that you intended to move away weeks prior but did not disclose that to him and agreed meet with him. It was a waste of time and doesn't work in your favour in any way. I'm not sure why you'd do that to anyone or meet someone under those circumstances.

    The situation with your work is unfortunate and I'm sorry that happened. I agree with the other members about your wellbeing first and foremost. Whether you choose to stay or go, pay your bills and don't let your credit score decline or instigate your creditors. If you do end up going back to where you came from (your previous town), I wouldn't take up with this guy again and I'd explain I'm in no position to date if he were to contact me. Have yourself sorted on the career front first. Take care of yourself. I hope things get better soon and you're able to come to a decision that works best for you.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I wouldn't want to confuse the situation further by contacting this poor guy again. You did mislead him by moving out of town with the knowledge that you intended to move away weeks prior but did not disclose that to him and agreed meet with him. It was a waste of time and doesn't work in your favour in any way. I'm not sure why you'd do that to anyone or meet someone under those circumstances.

    The situation with your work is unfortunate and I'm sorry that happened. I agree with the other members about your wellbeing first and foremost. Whether you choose to stay or go, pay your bills and don't let your credit score decline or instigate your creditors. If you do end up going back to where you came from (your previous town), I wouldn't take up with this guy again and I'd explain I'm in no position to date if he were to contact me. Have yourself sorted on the career front first. Take care of yourself. I hope things get better soon and you're able to come to a decision that works best for you.
    Yes. if you told him you were moving he could have gone on a date with you to go on a date, but would not have gotten emotionally invested.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Dont move for a guy you dont know very well. Stay where you are, get a new job. 3 hours apart is not that bad, you can meet half way.


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