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Thread: Scared to move out on my own

  1. #1

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    Scared to move out on my own

    Hello! First time on this site and I hope to meet some great people with advice!
    I am 47 years old and have been in an 8 year relationship. It's been extremely difficult and I know in my heart and soul I need to move on. I thought about going back to school and HE said" You're to OLD to go back to school!"
    He always puts me down and I'm sick of it!
    Why in the he'll am I so scared to move out!?
    I just can't understand why I won't leave.
    I am scared about money but I could make it work. I just don't want to be alone.
    Sounds desperate but its the truth!
    Any tips?

  2. #2
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    What is it about being "alone" that you find so terrifying?

    What harm do you think will befall you?

  3. #3
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    I can't really answer your question OP, because I have always been independent-minded, so I struggle to understand the mentality of someone who is so inherently afraid of being alone that they will stay in obviously toxic situations.

    Your question does resonate with me though, because my girlfriend says similar things as you. I will keep an eye on this thread for others' answers.

    I just want to say good luck, hope you have the strength to take that decisive step that you know you need to take, and all the best with the next stage of your life.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You'll be less afraid the more you scout things out and be realistic with yourself. If you're afraid about money, start looking at your finances more closely and visualize better what's ahead of you.

    A lot of fear comes from not being able to see very far ahead and this happens when there's not enough experience at hand. We all start somewhere. Everyone experiences fear in some form or another, no matter how much experience or no matter how old. Once you get into the habit of making good decisions for yourself, you'll understand a bit better how to navigate your own life. It's a bit like learning how to walk on a road full of potholes. You'll learn to sidestep the holes eventually and you'll be skipping soon along the same roads. It's like learning anything new.

    Your biggest motivator should come from you. Your greatest skill will come from visualizing and being realistic with your resources and how resourceful you are.

    I wouldn't encourage you to take courses until you've attended an information session on a program you're very interested in and done your research in how useful it is as a viable career. Ask for information on grants and scholarships as well that you might apply for before or after your first semester or along the way. Go directly to the school or the school's website for information. Don't be afraid to think on your feet. You can do it.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Make a list of things you need to do to end the relationship and move out. Start with the easiest one first, and keep going until you finish all of the tasks.

    Envision in your mind what it will eventually be like to have a great partner. You can't achieve that goal if you're not free to meet him. And you can't achieve that goal unless you've spent a good year alone, reconnecting with yourself solo. Think of all the fun things you can do to pamper yourself when you're alone. With effort and practice, you can retrain your brain to think in a more positive way. You've now learned what you DON'T want in a relationship. If you work on yourself during this crucial mourning and healing period, you'll choose more wisely next time.

    Take care and let us know how it goes.

  7. #6

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    You'll be less afraid the more you scout things out and be realistic with yourself. If you're afraid about money, start looking at your finances more closely and visualize better what's ahead of you.

    A lot of fear comes from not being able to see very far ahead and this happens when there's not enough experience at hand. We all start somewhere. Everyone experiences fear in some form or another, no matter how much experience or no matter how old. Once you get into the habit of making good decisions for yourself, you'll understand a bit better how to navigate your own life. It's a bit like learning how to walk on a road full of potholes. You'll learn to sidestep the holes eventually and you'll be skipping soon along the same roads. It's like learning anything new.

    Your biggest motivator should come from you. Your greatest skill will come from visualizing and being realistic with your resources and how resourceful you are.

    I wouldn't encourage you to take courses until you've attended an information session on a program you're very interested in and done your research in how useful it is as a viable career. Ask for information on grants and scholarships as well that you might apply for before or after your first semester or along the way. Go directly to the school or the school's website for information. Don't be afraid to think on your feet. You can do it.
    Thanks so much! Great advice and from the heart! Thank you!

  8. #7

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    Thank you! Great advice and I will start making a list of tasks! I needed to hear from the outside world because I really don't have trusting friends or family..Thanks for making me feel HOPE!😀

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Go back to school. Find a share house or roommate situation.
    Originally Posted by Malloryk
    going back to school and HE said" You're to OLD to go back to school!"
    He always puts me down and I'm sick of it! I am scared about money but I could make it work. I just don't want to be alone.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Malloryk
    Thank you! Great advice and I will start making a list of tasks! I needed to hear from the outside world because I really don't have trusting friends or family..Thanks for making me feel HOPE!😀
    Make new friends too. Your friends shouldn't treat you like that. When you start to feel better about yourself, you'll also start to attract better people. You won't look for ways to hurt yourself anymore or think any less of yourself. You got this. Keep us updated on how things are going. Don't lose faith.

  11. #10
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    I've been "alone" since my toxic relationship ended 10 years ago. Nothing scary has happened to me. I really enjoy life, my friends, my family, a challenging job...

    You know what does scare me? The thought that I could still be stuck with that awful man. I am so thankful I am no longer in that situation.

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