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Thread: I didn't stand up for my girlfriend when my brother and her got into an argument

  1. #1

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    I didn't stand up for my girlfriend when my brother and her got into an argument

    Well we had broke up in April and just recently about a month ago got back together. During that reconciliation period she had a clear set of stipulations I had to meet if we got back together. Which I accepted because I needed to get things in my life together. So during our dating and re-courting each other she always made it clear that we weren't together ( Well I later learned that she kept reiterating that to surprise me on my birthday with a key to move back in.) That would frustrate me and I would express that to my brother. So about month ago he called me about a friend of his and his gf who was interested in me. All I just laughed and said ok. My gf heard part of the conversation and I just came clean about the rest. This made her extremely angry because I didn't shut him down and tell them we was working it out. So she sent and extremely angry and nasty message to my brother and his girlfriend and the argument happened. I tried my best to stop it but it just ended with her saying I let another man yell at her and be rude. Also it ended in them agreeing that they didn't like each other and they would deal with one another cordially. Well my gf figures if my brother isn't going to speak to her then I shouldn't speak to his girlfriend which I didn't agree with because I thought it was rude. So she asked why is it ok for him to do the exact behavior I deemed rude to her. She's right so I spoke and got a understanding with my brother or at least I thought I did because just last week after me and her had made things official again and me promising that situation would never happen again, my brother and her both were in the same house and he didn't speak nor even leave the room he was in to speak neither did she. I didn't say anything to him about it and now she feel like I lied to her and officially chose him over her. Now she is saying our relationship is just surface deep and there isn't much of a future. We had plan on getting married and having kids soon.

  2. #2
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    If your relationship is as exhausting as just reading about it in this wall of text (please break up into smaller chunks), then I do not see a good future with her.

    Her insecurity has made her very demanding and controlling.

    Do you really think that will change?

    Not me.

    Good luck.

  3. #3
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    Wait, who broke up with who the first time around? She was going to surprise you by saying your official again and give you a key?

    It sounds like your brother is trying to look out for you and introduce you to new people; it is your choice if you want to accept but if you are close to your family, it's time to stick up for yourself and not sacrifice that to a relationship that, frankly, sounds incredibly tumultuous.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    How old are you two? 12? She is definitely acting like a spoiled teenage brat.

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  6. #5
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    How old is she, twelve?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    It is time for you to follow your own inner voice.

    (have you chosen to let her voice replace your own?)

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You're both too immature to be in a serious relationship. Dating should be fun, enjoying each other's company, and lacking all of this drama. You two go together like oil and water. When you meet someone you get along with far better, you'll shake your head at how long you stayed in this soap opera.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    She is right to feel the way she does because you omitted telling your brother that you were in the process of reconciling with your girlfriend. Your saying, "Ok" was your folly. She was being protective of her relationship with you when you should've done this first. You came clean to her yet you didn't initially come clean with your brother which was the problem. Back peddling after the fact leaves you hosed.

    She was wrong to intervene. She should've asked YOU to contact your brother and explain that you were rekindling your relationship with your girlfriend.

    Both of you can do two things. Either accept estrangement from your brother and allow this bad blood to continue or do damage control, reach out to him and apologize to him that you were unclear from the beginning and should've told him that you and your girlfriend were giving your relationship another go. Next, your girlfriend should be the bigger person, humbly apologize for her impulsive, uncalled behavior and leave it at that. Don't allow past arguments to fester today and in the future. Make sincere amends, apologize humbly including your girlfriend and be mature about this.

    Doing absolutely nothing is worse and you leave everyone feeling awful.

    You and your girlfriend can fix this is you do the right thing.

    I suggest professional couples / marriage counseling if you want to get married and have kids soon. Don't marry unless both of you can be harmonious and respectful to each other and to others such as your brother, his gf should your paths cross, etc. Remain cordial.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you need a place to live, find some roommates. Being with her is far from "getting things in your life together".
    Originally Posted by Dbfi9t
    I needed to get things in my life together. she kept reiterating that to surprise me on my birthday with a key to move back in.

    my brother and her both were in the same house and he didn't speak nor even leave the room he was in to speak neither did she.

  11. #10
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    How old is she? She keeps telling you that are not together as a surprise? Then acts all miffed when you say you are not together as she has told you?

    Shes very insecure and childish. You can ot give into her ridiculous demands of only speaking to who she allows you too.

    This has no future. End it.

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