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Thread: Life after breakup

  1. #1
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    Life after breakup

    Hey guys, thought that I would share some insight on my own experiences dealing with breakup, as I have been down the road (still going, but not so tough anymore), and because it has been a great help using this forum. Long story short I was together with my girlfriend for almost two years. She was the love of my life, and I took the breakup seriously bad. I tried to win her back, but we never managed to get back together.

    It's now two months since we unoficcialy broke up for good, and I have pretty much blocked her on all social media - there has been a couple of times where we contacted each other due to some stuff, because we lived together. Nothing besides that. It has been hard, especially because we have mutual interests and friends. I have pretty much ignored her attempts at making contact, when we have been together in the groups. It seems extreme, I know, but I can't make friends with her and move on. It is all or nothing. This, I know, she was very unhappy about.

    I am starting to move on. Exercising, feeling alot better about myself and even starting to talk with girls. As of today I learnt from my best friend, who is in contact with one of my ex's friends that she wasn't doing too great, especially because I was trying to move on from her. She was doubting her decision about the breakup and even considering to get back with me - her words were "she would have to settle with me".

    Learning this actually makes me happy - evil as it may seem. Before this I would be willing to discuss the possibilty of us getting back together, if she was the one to initiate it, regret her dicision and fight for me. Now I am not so sure. I don't want to be somebody's 2nd choice, who they can just get back to as a backup. No **** way!

    So a little message to all of you in the same spot. I personally am a strong believer in people changing and getting back together. Just be careful. Don't ever be somebody's backup, as it will never work. Settle with someone, who would love you with all their heart - even when life is toughest. I am still in the middle of a healing process, but there is definitely light down the tunnel. I had my toughest period in life, when this girl broke up with me, but through exercise, being busy, seing people and trying to absolutely not think about her, I am doing much much better.

    Take care people

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You are spot on. What you said also applies to other relationships such as with friends, relatives and in-laws. Never settle. If a person can't behave like a decent human being, never trust again and move on WITHOUT them in your life and should your paths cross, then enforce healthy boundaries with them. We are better off whenever we remove toxic, abnormal, harmful, even mentally ill people from our lives. What you wrote even convinced me further. Thank you.

    Always listen to your gut because it's always right on the mark. If someone doesn't ring true, run for the hills and avoid them like the plague because they're poisonous. Navigate yourself shrewdly, exercise prudence and always remain on the alert. It's survival.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Great post. Continued strength and good luck. Somehow I get the feeling you'll be just fine.

  4. #4
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    I would say well done and good progress overall. Just one point to nitpick...

    As of today I learnt from my best friend, who is in contact with one of my ex's friends that she wasn't doing too great, especially because I was trying to move on from her. She was doubting her decision about the breakup and even considering to get back with me - her words were "she would have to settle with me".

    Learning this actually makes me happy - evil as it may seem.
    It is very human, I would not call it "evil".

    But it is actually a sign that you are not over her, that she is still a source of resentment, such that you derive some pleasure from her "not doing so great", and I expect there would be feelings of jealousy if you found out that she moved on and started seeing somebody else. What this means is that this person still has power over you. You still think about her, so you need absolutely zero contact to keep your cool because you are scared that any contact could trigger feelings that you do not want to deal with.

    You are moving in the right direction though, good luck on your continued journey.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    You are definitely moving in the right direction and good on you for questioning whether you’d get back with someone who would just ‘settle for you’...plus broke up with you in the first place!

    What MK said above reminds me of a great quote from FigureItOut*: Don’t hitch your healing to their wagon, coz if you get pleasure from their failings you will get pain from their successes*

    However I do know that path and like you, one day I’ll wish my ex well...and actually mean it! :)

    Almost there*

    Carus*


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