Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: My ex says he's changed, am I just an idiot?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    20

    My ex says he's changed, am I just an idiot?

    I posted on here two weeks ago, and I honestly feel like an idiot because I can't say no to this guy. I need a solid talking-to.

    So my ex and I have a very long (over 5 years) history, and the past year and a half we have been seeing each other on and off. And he wants to get back together. We have had a lot of issues, and I had a hard time trusting him after some flubs such as him not coming home to help us move into our new apartment together, not wanting to move to my hometown to take care of my dad when I thought he was seriously ill, and not taking care of the house when he was unemployed and I was paying the bills. These all happened 2-3 years ago.

    He says that since we broke up he understands how wrong he was. He says that a lot of our issues were because we were so young (we've been together since we were 18), and now he has matured. He has apologized and says that he is willing to compromise on important issues, like living near family when we have kids.

    He is my very best friend, and being with him is like nothing else. I so badly want to say yes and live happily ever after with him, and it seems like he has worked so hard on his flaws. I just... don't trust him. And I feel like a terrible person for not trusting him after he has worked so hard on himself. Even worse, NONE of my closest family and friends think I should go back to him. They say he is a very nice guy, but he doesn't make me happy. My brother put it succinctly: He makes you happy but being with him doesn't make you happy.

    My gut says that getting back together with him is a bad idea, my heart says go for it, and everyone is telling me not to do it. I know it's a bad idea but I hate myself for not being able to look past everything that has happened especially when he seems so committed to making this work.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    34,905
    Gender
    Male
    He is not what you need or what him to be. It will just keep cycling on/off because you want him to change.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,402
    Best friends do not behave this way.

    History is a clear indicator of the future. This is who he is. He has not/will not change.

    I suggest you block him, so that you can move on for good.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    California
    Posts
    4,126
    Gender
    Male
    Do you want to go back to him because he makes you happy or because he is familiar? Reading your past threads it doesn't seem like you were happy even tho you are trying to talk yourself into thinking he is your best friend. You said that you don't trust him and you don't trust him to be there for you when you need him so why are you even thinking about going back to a man that you cant rely on? I don't think its about you being happy, I think you might have a greater fear of being alone.
    You posted that you were attracted to a guy who was older. You said you loved being with him and you thought of him all the time, but you said you loved being with him. You didn't say that about your X. You did mention that he tolerated your mental illness tho.
    So just leads me to ask why do you want him in your life? Do you feel you cant find someone better? Do you feel that he is the best you can get? That maybe no on else can accept you except for this guy?
    You can attract men. You can attract men that will be better for you than your X. Remember, when he was unemployed he complained about having to clean up your home. Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? Do you want to be with him out of fear of the unknown?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,391
    Gender
    Female
    Why do you feel pushed to an answer on the spot? Get to know each other again and decide sometime next year in 2020. Getting back together and patching up haphazardly sounds like something he would come up with. I believe he reminded me of a disheveled and lopsided rickshaw in your previous thread.

    Take it easy and take your time.

  7. 09-11-2019, 05:09 PM

  8. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,391
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by justicegrl
    I really like the way you think!
    Aw thanks.

  9. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,168
    Listen to your gut because it's always right. Never trust again.

    Once someone shows their true colors to you in a weak character moment, it's over. Now you know what they're capable of. During weak moments of character, there's a lack of intelligence, emotional intelligence (EQ), common sense and self control. Know in the future, their past behavior will rear its ugly head again. You need to ask yourself if you're willing to experience repeats of their unsavory behaviors. If you're willing to risk this type of bad behavior again, then go for it with your ex. If you're not willing to risk traveling this same road again with him now that you know the dark side of his character, call it quits with him in order to save your sanity.

    Listen to your head. Your emotional heart will get you into trouble. Don't be naive. Don't be a fool.

    He's a loser and a real dud. He didn't deliver when you needed him. He's a deadbeat and dead weight. He didn't come home to help you move into your new apartment together, didn't want to move to your hometown when your dad was seriously ill, didn't take care of the house when he was unemployed while you paid the bills. Kick the lazy bum out of your life.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,168
    Once bitten twice shy. Or, once burned twice shy.

    Whenever I discover what a person is capable of during a disagreement or they display an ugly side to their character, I become extremely wary and jaded. I don't trust them anymore. I stay away and far away forever for my own protection as well as my family's.

    A leopard cannot change its spots.

    Think wisely because it will save you.

  11. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    20
    This is too real :( Thanks No1, needed to hear that.

  12. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    20
    Originally Posted by Cherylyn

    He's a loser and a real dud. He didn't deliver when you needed him. He's a deadbeat and dead weight. He didn't come home to help you move into your new apartment together, didn't want to move to your hometown when your dad was seriously ill, didn't take care of the house when he was unemployed while you paid the bills. Kick the lazy bum out of your life.
    You put that really well. My friends say similar, that he isn't supportive any way but emotionally. And even then it's hit and miss. Thank you.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •