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Thread: Odd work situation with girlfriend...

  1. #1
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    Odd work situation with girlfriend...

    Hi,

    I feel really angry, although my girlfriend (soon to be fiancÚ) doesn't see why I should be and in-turn, has become angry at me for being angry at her.

    Long story short...

    My girlfriend has applied for a job at a company that she knows full well the history of the feud between my family (cousins) and them. The owner was business partners with my cousin, and basically, they stole almost a million pounds and my cousins took them to court. The money they lost, caused my family to lose their house and sell two offices. My cousins luckily won the court case and are back on track.

    Now, my girlfriend knows this fact and we've had discussions with her parents on how he did us over and were all pretty conclusive that this guy is scum of the earth. In fact, we recently had this discussion just 3 weeks ago.

    Turns out that she has applied for a job at that very company that screwed my family over and has an interview today at 2.30pm...

    I am absolutely livid. I feel absolutely betrayed and I'm very hurt actually.

    I tried to be cool about it yesterday (when she finally revealed to me the place she applied for), but today, I blew my lid and told her my upset. But now she's blocked me.

    She's very selfish. I don't know what to do. I've asked her to "make the right choice", but ultimately, she's going for the interview without regard for what it symbolises, going ahead with it.

    And get this. When she worked at her previous employment, she got sacked from it- I got head hunted from that company and was offered a role as operations assistant. I discussed with her if this is something she'd be comfortable with, she said "we're done if you take this" and that was the end of my career beginnings in an industry that I love. I declined the employment offer out of loyalty for her. I brought this very fact up as well, and she "doesn't remember". Of course she doesn't, because it suits her not to remember and then she twists the story entirely.

    However, she's now gone behind my back and applied to someone who left my family homeless. It's very different and it makes me wish I took up the other job she told me not to go for because of her history there.

    Am I wrong to be feeling the way I do?

    She told me "we're done", over me pointing out her betrayal, even after recent discussions. I don't know how to react..?

    I feel betrayed, completely.

    I don't even know what to ask here other than am I in the wrong for feeling the way I do and has she got a right to be angry at me for feeling upset over her traitor behaviour?

    Any advice is welcome.

    Thank you!
    Last edited by qwertyscream; 09-11-2019 at 08:14 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    There is no right or wrong. Does she need the job? Perhaps she does not want to take sides in the family feud and just sees a job as a job. But since it's a big deal to you, it sounds like it may be better to breakup.

  3. #3
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    Well her answer to me is "I wasn't invited to your cousins wedding, so they're scum". It sounds like slight revenge. She wasn't invited because it was a very small event and it was nearest and dearest. The on'y plus ones were members who are married. The wedding was 2 weeks ago and it's my cousins choice, not hers, even though I did ask my cousin if she could come. Just feels very one-sided and ultimately horrible that there is no rules for her and then a hundred rules for me.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok so this is a relationship problem not a job problem. How long have you been dating? It sounds like there is too much clannishness for either of you.

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    How old are you and how old is she? Does she know your cousin (who got married) well? How long have you been together? To be honest I can see how your girlfriend would have felt left out not to be invited to your cousin's wedding, even though you asked if she could go. I think I would have felt disappointed too but I would have never acted out because of it. But if she's not close to your cousin and it was only a small event then understandably your cousin probably only wanted close friends and family there.

    Anyway, the wedding business aside, I have to say that your girlfriend sounds very immature and rude. It's not clear if she's going for the job as revenge on your cousin, but if she is, that's really low. Do you live in an area where there is a lot of work in her career field? Or do you live in a small town with limited opportunities? I think if she has other employment opportunities then yeah what she's doing is kind of wrong. What that firm did to your cousins was horrible, it ruined their life. Even if your girlfriend is not fond of your cousin, if she cares about you, she should have your back.

    I think what also makes this situation much worse is that your girlfriend said "we are done" and blocked you. I actually think you had a right to be upset and to express how you felt. You should be able to share your feelings in a relationship without that person saying "we're done" and just blocking you. She sounds really immature and high maintenance.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Past the nitty-gritty of this particular moment I can't help but see a dynamic between two people that is very corrosive, and maybe has been for some time. Generous view: two good people who do not work well together but keep trying to work. Blunter way of putting it: you each hate the other twice as much as you love the other.

    I get why you're angry. I get why she's angry. But there is so much venom already running through the veins that neither of you can communicate with anything like heart. You blow your lid, she blocks you. Not good. And, probably, a slightly more extreme version of how you two handle conflict. And that, far more than this job moment, is what's really not good.

    Relationships can't be transactional. In other words, you can't expect someone to behave exactly has you behaved. Doing that means you're wielding generosity as sword, stockpiling it away to be weaponized when something goes sideways. It's a bit like taking your girlfriend out to a nice dinner in March and then saying "But I took you to that nice dinner!" six months later when she forgets to clean the kitchen. You may have a point, but no good comes from expressing it like that. And when that's the only way it can be expressed? Problems.

    You seem to think that she is petty, vengeful, selfish, more interested in hurting you than helping herself. And, hey, maybe she is all those things. But whether it's perception or reality it begs the question: Why be together? If you don't have a solid answer to that moments like this will always escalate to tsunamis.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    This is not a moral issue for your girlfriend. This job seeking pursuit is her bread 'n butter issue which trumps all else. It's all about the money and for some people such as your girlfriend, it does not matter who the employer is and there's no such thing as loyalty to you nor anyone. She doesn't care about the bad blood you and your family have with your cousin's partners. At the end of the day, it's all about survival.

    This is the world we live in. This is society so it shouldn't come as a shock to you. Grow accustomed to betrayal and deceit because this is the way of the world.

    If this upsets you so much, she should become your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.

    Since she doesn't have a conscience, abruptly blocked you and told you "we're done," then it's time to go your separate ways. Take a break from women. In the future, choose a better girlfriend who is considerate of you and others before selfishly thinking of herself first at any cost. She's willing to discard you in order to get what she wants in life. You need to choose better characters in your life from now on. It's a hard lesson learned for you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Both of you need to separate and give yourselves time to cool off. The arguments are absurd and neither of you should be interfering with each others' employment opportunities.

    Stop that cycle of grumpiness.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Hey OP - what happens if she gets the job today?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Hey OP - what happens if she gets the job today?
    Well, she already blocked him and said "we're done". Although theirs might be the kind of relationship where she uses threats of breaking up as manipulation.

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