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Thread: Feeling like a failure

  1. #1
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    Feeling like a failure

    Iím not in good spirits right now. Im struggling in all aspects of my life. Money is low, bills high. I have a daughter who I donít want to ever see me crumble, but Iím on the verge. I need a miracle right now. I have two jobs and still struggling. I have a degree, but not being put to use.i donít know what to do right now.

  2. #2
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    Sorry I have not looked into your previous posts for context.

    Assuming your money issues are not overwhelmingly bad, some quick ideas are:

    Increase Income

    1) Apply for better paying jobs, ideally where you have some competitive edge.
    2) In the short run be willing to take a pay cut if it means more career growth in the long run. You cannot do two jobs well, that is not a career. I am guessing they are low-skill and low-pay jobs. I know money is tight, but you are better off doing one job that pays perhaps 80% of the sum of the two current jobs, if it means you can build a career and maybe earn 200% what you earn now in 3 years.
    3) Education. You already have a degree, great, can you get any professional qualifications related to it? Related to point 2)... it would be ideal if you could get a job that sponsors further learning and qualifications, even if it meant less pay in the short term.
    4) Do you have friends or family who can loan you some money (interest free) to get you through this rough patch.
    5) Do you have assets that you can liquidate to ride this storm? Expensive jewelry, non-essential electronics, anything of value you don't really need.

    Decrease Costs

    1) Are you renting where you are living? Is it bigger than you need it to be?
    2) Shop around for your utility providers, insurance and other household bills. Can you make savings.
    3) Can you save money moving in with a (trusted) friend or family member?
    4) What public services are available to help you? I don't know which country you are in, but think churches, food banks, social welfare etc... You have a child, swallow your pride and accept whatever help is available in society.

    Absolutely Avoid

    1) Payday loans and Credit Cards. (The interest on those will kill you)
    2) Gambling (majority of lottery tickets are bought by poor people, it is a tax on people who cannot do math).
    3) Coping with cigarettes, alcohol or drugs.

    Please don't be offended I mentioned those, I am not accusing you of doing any of the above, they are just common pitfalls people who fall into financial difficulty often fall into.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Network. That's how I attained my plum jobs. It's not always what you know, it's who you know that gets you there. Make the right connections with people who have muscle.

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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Network. That's how I attained my plum jobs. It's not always what you know, it's who you know that gets you there. Make the right connections with people who have muscle.
    Ah yes, absolutely, how could I leave that off my list!

    I owe my current job to a university friend, who recommended me after he moved on from the job and the boss asked him to recommend a suitable replacement.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to go to court and file for child support on behalf of your child. You also need to sustain the restraining order and petition for supervised visitation. It's not in your child's best interest for the father and his gf to show up if and when they want and just take her anywhere.

    Go to social services and get assistance with food, housing, utilities, medical care, child care, career training, etc. See what you are eligible for.

    Stop being stoic and thinking that not filing for child support is a show of strength. It's not about you and her father or your problems. Your child has a legal right to it and as the parent, it's your job to secure it for her.
    Originally Posted by forlofeluv
    So, my childís father and i split in November. i donít speak to him AT ALL or have him on child support or prevent him from seeing his kid

  7. #6
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    What is your degree in? Could you possibly get a job in that field in a different location?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by forlofeluv
    Iím not in good spirits right now. Im struggling in all aspects of my life. Money is low, bills high. I have a daughter who I donít want to ever see me crumble, but Iím on the verge. I need a miracle right now. I have two jobs and still struggling. I have a degree, but not being put to use.i donít know what to do right now.
    OP I looked back on your posts and I can see it's only been a few months since you split with your ex, so it's no wonder you are feeling so overwhelmed. Dealing with grieving the end of your relationship (or the death of the fantasy if you will), trying to make it as a single parent, and figure out how to do this on your own is really hard.

    When I have been in these situations, where I feel like I am just hanging on by a thread... I let go. I let myself fall apart. I allow the feelings to happen, experiencing them all. Screaming, pounding pillows, crying as much as I need to... just let it go. Those feelings need to come out one way or another... better that you are in control of how they come out vs. them coming out some other way through anxiety and depression.

    Your daughter knows you are going through feelings. Teach her that it's okay to have feelings when difficult things happen. It will make it easier for you to rally and get into the solution afterwards.

    And yes if your ex isn't paying child support and/or alimony, you need to make this happen. It's not about you, it's what your child deserves... to have support from both parents.

  9. #8
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    Contact an attorney and have a child support and visitation schedule set up in court. No need for you to struggle working two.jobs when your child's father can step up.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Try with the support but don't depend on anyone. That's how anger, hopelessness, depression and sadness kick in. Start moving things around and looking in to debt consolidations and repayment plans if debt is dragging you down. Work smarter. You can do it.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Contact your local Legal Aid department to learn your option. Not receiving child support doesn't just harm you, it harms your child.

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