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Thread: He's Pulling Away After Meeting Me, I Am Losing It. Please Help Me Get Him Back!

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    "Unhealthy" gets tossed around a lot more.
    Originally Posted by justicegrl
    In reading this forum, this term 'healthy' gets tossed around quite a bit.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by justicegrl
    'In healthy dating dynamics, between healthy people....'

    In reading this forum, this term 'healthy' gets tossed around quite a bit.

    I cannot relate, it's such an ambiguous term, like what exactly is 'healthy' what does it mean in respect to a relationship?

    Most of us older than 25 have been damaged in one way or another by previous partners and will bring that to next relationship, it's a given.

    We and our partners do the best we can working within those parameters.

    It's not healthy or unhealthy, it's just what it is.... what most of us experience.

    The reality of relationships and of life.
    It's generally meant as more stable, forward/positive-thinking. It's also usually a less reactive method of interpreting events. Ie. not letting things get to you so easily and remaining intact in your ideals without getting distracted.

    In my mind it's synonymous with resiliency, resiliency represented by healing through damage, compassion, the use of humour and a desire to see positive growth in dark times.

    Unhealthy choices are characterized by argumentativeness, negativity, deception, manipulation, aggression, passive aggressiveness and so on and so forth.

  3. 09-11-2019, 03:45 PM

  4. #33
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by justicegrl
    'In healthy dating dynamics, between healthy people....'

    In reading this forum, this term 'healthy' gets tossed around quite a bit.

    I cannot relate, it's such an ambiguous term, like what exactly is 'healthy' what does it mean in respect to a relationship?

    Most of us older than 25 have been damaged in one way or another by previous partners and will bring that to next relationship, it's a given.

    We and our partners do the best we can working within those parameters.

    It's not healthy or unhealthy, it's just what it is.... what most of us experience.

    The reality of relationships and of life.
    I'll take a stab at this.

    Let's put love talk on hold for a moment, and switch to work talk. I do a job, same thing for 20 years. There have been successes and failures, good weeks and bad weeks. There has been, over time, some "damage" from it.

    So let's say I get an assignment next week. It's hard, intimidating, but also thrillingly challenging. It's due Friday. But on Tuesday my boss tells me she needs it Thursday. My heart starts racing and, right then, I feel like a failure. I can also feel, somewhere, the ghosts of past failures—the past "damage" that I have brought into this present job.

    Part of life, yes. Inevitable.

    I can respond to this by throwing a lamp across the room, cursing out by boss, quitting, going out and getting drunk. That would probably be labeled unhealthy. Or I could take a deep breath, dig in, trust myself, or let my boss know that, I'm sorry, I know myself—thanks "damage," for that information!—and the soonest I can have the assignment done is Friday morning. That would be probably be called healthy.

    I don't think it's really that much different in dating, in relationships.

  5. #34
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    IMHO, he seemed more interested in you when you were unavailable and chatting on the phone. Once you were officially single and met in person, I’m guessing the reality of the situation hit him and for whatever reason, he’s not able or willing to make this relationship real. Some people love chasing the fantasy. It’s like a dog that chases a car, he finally bites onto the car..... then what?!

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