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Thread: Is this the right action?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    he will know where to find me if he wants to work on this marriage or if he wants to go through the motions of divorce. i'm not going to fight him on a divorce.

    I read one of your previous posts. Even if he now wanted to work on the marriage, I don't know why you would want to after the way he's been treating you--leaving his wedding ring on the table when he leaves the house, not coming home at all on one occasion, and not keeping you updated on his schedule/whereabouts/accountability. He has a black heart. Do you really think marital counseling at this point will make his moral compass do a total 360?

    Sounds like his stalling has nothing to do with caring for you, which he doesn't. He just doesn't want to lose half of his money. Don't have any further sex with him, because this makes you want to stay bonded with him. If you have a guest room, one of you should sleep in there. His cuddling and pet names might be a manipulative ploy so that you'll give up certain of his assets, like half of his 401K if he has retirement savings, and half of his pension, if he has one. Don't fall for his deceptive practices.

    For now, get your financial ducks in a row. Get him off of your credit card and off of your shared bank account if those exist in your name. Take care and let us know how it goes.

  2. #12
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    thank you everyone for your support and thoughts. it's been a very difficult time. my husbands constant going back and forth with what he wants has been torture and it's forced me to start "moving the fence" if you will, because i just can't keep letting him string me along.

    i've cried my eyes out the past month and slowly started to accept that he won't be coming back to this marriage. the separation agreement proceedings was a big step for me. to have the peace of mind i'll be protected should it eventually come to divorce.

    it's not about playing divorce chicken as someone said, or my ego as another mentioned. my husband doesn't want to do the work to save our marriage and says he "doesn't want a divorce but doesn't trust his feelings" or that he'll never be good to me again. if he can't work on us then i have to show him i'm not going to wait on him. he's losing a good woman.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately agree. Since you're ok with his affairs and disengagement, he can come and go until he gets his ducks in a row and it's advantageous For Him to get divorced. In the meantime you refuse to get your own attorney or protect yourself.
    Originally Posted by Andrina
    He just doesn't want to lose half of his money.
    For now, get your financial ducks in a row. Get him off of your credit card and off of your shared bank account if those exist in your name.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    if he can't work on us then i have to show him i'm not going to wait on him. he's losing a good woman.
    Seems like it's about your ego if you're wanting to teach someone a lesson. Make it less about him and more about you. It'll keep you more grounded and secure in your convictions.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Purdy
    thank you everyone for your support and thoughts. it's been a very difficult time. my husbands constant going back and forth with what he wants has been torture and it's forced me to start "moving the fence" if you will, because i just can't keep letting him string me along.

    i've cried my eyes out the past month and slowly started to accept that he won't be coming back to this marriage. the separation agreement proceedings was a big step for me. to have the peace of mind i'll be protected should it eventually come to divorce.

    it's not about playing divorce chicken as someone said, or my ego as another mentioned. my husband doesn't want to do the work to save our marriage and says he "doesn't want a divorce but doesn't trust his feelings" or that he'll never be good to me again. if he can't work on us then i have to show him i'm not going to wait on him. he's losing a good woman.
    Then as I said mean what you say and say what you mean, you got the lawyer but now youíre waiting around for him to talk... why? If youíre to the point of contacting a lawyer it doesnít matter what his feelings are, done is done, unless calling the lawyer was to get a specific reaction out of him. Iím not judging you but Iím also not going to act like that isnít what youíre doing, it is, no big deal, youíre human youíre acting human, you think youíre the first person to cry wolf about divorce? Of course not, my advice remains the same whether you admit your actions or not, the fact remains, you called the lawyer now youíre waiting around again for him to decide. absolutely nothing different than what you were doing running off to the friends house which you claimed was an absolute necessity for your mental health but is now a long forgotten fact. Nothingís changed, heís still giving you mixed signal except now theyíre verbal instead of non verbal. Thatís literally the only difference yet here you are thinking youíre making headway, youíre not, so do what you say you mean, file for divorce. Otherwise quit playing the role and actually work on your marriage.

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