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Thread: Soon to be fiance wearing her ex's wedding band

  1. #1

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    Soon to be fiance wearing her ex's wedding band

    I have been with my girlfriend for 2.5 years. I will be proposing this month. Whenever we get dressed up to go out she wears her wedding band (not engagement ring) from her ex on her right ring finger. I thought this was weird so I asked her about it. She told me that she just thinks it is a pretty ring and that she likes to wear it. She said that when they got married he made her buy her own wedding band and that he did not spend a dime on it or even go with her to pick it out. So to her it has no meaning (it's just another ring). She told me that she divorced him after 3 months together because they had zero connection and he treated her badly. I can kind of see where she is coming from saying it's just a ring to her, but the fact that it was meant to be a wedding ring still bugs me a little bit. Am I being ridiculous?

  2. #2
    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Hard to say. She does wear it on her right hand though!

    I know my wife encourages me to wear a ring my first wife bought for me, because she really likes it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I wouldn't be ok with it. But... I'd be a bit more concerned why she married someone whom she had zero connection with for only a measly three months.

    Are you sure she's what she says she is?

  4. #4

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    He was very mentally and emotionaly manipulative as well as sexually abusive. He would leave for days and never say when he was coming back or even that he was leaving in the first place. He refused to sleep in the same room as her when they were married. She went to therapy for a long time after the relationship. I am very sure she is able to be her true self now.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you are not ok with the ring on her hand, she should respect your wishes. This is just a hunch and a gut feeling but I don't feel she's overcome her previous issues yet with manipulation and abuse in her previous relationship if she is not open to your opinion. You shouldn't be walking on eggshells with her either. If you don't like it, tell her you don't like it.

    What is your dynamic like? Is she difficult to please or do you feel afraid to talk to her about concerns?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's strange but if she treats it like just a piece of jewelry, then that's what it is to her. Does she wears clothes, jewelry, etc that you have given her? She's with you. That's the important part. You've already discussed this, so just leave it. Have you gone ring shopping together? Start there.
    Originally Posted by Mobywhale
    I have been with my girlfriend for 2.5 years. I will be proposing this month.

  8. #7

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    I'm not walking on eggshells at all. We have one very important rule in our relationship that if either one of us has a problem we sit down and talk about it immediately. We both feel like we can tell each other anything.

  9. #8
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    I understand your feelings here.

    I'd tell her that you aren't fond of this, and that you hope she respects your wishes to stop wearing it. Additionally, I'd offer her this option: let's sell it, and use the money towards another ring that I'll help with so that that ring comes from me. Not another wedding band, but a nice ring that she can wear on that finger.

  10. #9

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It's strange but if she treats it like just a piece of jewelry, then that's what it is to her. Does she wears clothes, jewelry, etc that you have given her? She's with you. That's the important part. You've already discussed this, so just leave it. Have you gone ring shopping together? Start there.
    I know exactly what kind of ring she wants. Pinterest can be a great tool here also from talking. I mean we have already named children. The more I talk about this out loud it seems more and more like it is my silly insecurities instead of an actual issue.

  11. #10
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    Do you trust her? Do you love her?

    To me it seems reasonable, you said she had been to therapy, you said that she called time on the previous marriage and you also said you are proposing after 2 and a half years. I can see why you have issue, the ring to you means something entirely different, you wasn't a part of her life in what sounds like quite a traumatic experience but you are there now. Whether it reminds of her what she has had to overcome in the past of it is just a nice piece of jewellery to her I think you should respect that.

    I don't think you're being ridiculous and getting a second opinion was a good idea. Ask her what the ring truly signifies. But by the sounds of things its no threat to what you guys have going on!

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