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Thread: Unsure what to do

  1. #1

    Unsure what to do

    Hi

    Really desperate for some advice please. Iíve been with my partner for three years. He was separated at the time, and had an amicable divorce October last year. 6 months prior to that he asked what the next step was for us as we were already living together, have decided we donít want children and had our first holiday. He shocked me but surprised me by mentioning marriage and said it was something he absolutely wanted.....fast forward to years and nothing has happened and I donít believe he wants to now. Iíve tried to talk to him and his response is dismissive or ĎIíve not thought about it anymoreí I donít know what to do? I get upset but I feel angry that he sort of put it in my head and now doesnít seem keen

  2. #2

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    He is getting the milk for free, so why buy the cow?

    Sounds like he needs to commit, since you had your heart set on marriage!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did he mention marriage before you moved in together? How important is it to you? Do you have any recourse other than moving out? Is he stringing you along, surely he know it's what you want, no?
    Originally Posted by Genuine girl
    he asked what the next step was for us as we were already living together. I get upset but I feel angry that he sort of put it in my head and now doesnít seem keen
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 09-10-2019 at 11:27 AM.

  4. #4
    No we moved in together after a year then 6 months later had our first holiday and thatís when he mentioned marriage. I didnít think heíd be that keen but I feel and thought we are/were solid and committed. After a year I asked him again and his reply simply was ĎIíve not thought about it anymoreí which really upset me. Iím not a needy girl but he brought this upto me and of course two years down the line Iíve fallen more in love etc but I just donít know what to do. I shouldnít need to keep asking as I feel itís obvious but I just donít understand what has changed?

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  6. #5
    Sounds like it!

  7. #6
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    If you two were to never get married would you still stay with him?

  8. #7
    This is going to sound really harsh but no because heís lied to me and led me on

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Both of you haven't evolved in the same way. He was recovering from his divorce. My husband and I married after his divorce from his ex-wife (we were already dating). You cannot force anyone to do something they don't want to do. Either accept each other the way things are and find a deeper meaning of what love means or you can go your separate ways. Letting that resentment build isn't healthy. I've been down that road. Life is way too short to be grumpy.

    You might want to reflect on your relationship and figure out whether it's dismissive attitude actually that's a complete turn off or whether it's the idea of marriage that is not a priority for him. I tend to think of dismissiveness as one of the great downfalls of relationships/marriages. It's where one person believes something is important and another does not (and not showing as much respect). If you do not feel heard in the relationship or feel valued, this is not a healthy place for you.

  10. #9
    Thanks Rose. I think itís because heís led me to believe itís something he wanted and now he doesnít, so Iím left thinking Ďwhyí and Ďwhat did I doí and Iím sort or resenting him now so further down the line it will be worse. Do I tell him thatís the reason for leaving the relationship or just say we arenít what I thought we were?

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Genuine girl
    This is going to sound really harsh but no because heís lied to me and led me on
    If marriage is something you really want, this is probably not the man for you.

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