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Thread: How to tell someone you're not interested in seeing them?

  1. #1
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    How to tell someone you're not interested in seeing them?

    Hi,

    I have been talking to this guy for a little while. He is in one of my classes in the course I'm studying. He is not my type at all as he reminds me of a lot of guys who I've dated in the past who have not been good for me. He started being friendly towards me in class one day and asked me to go for lunch (which I should have straight up rejected) however I decided to go because I figured even if I'm not interested we can still be civil and be friends since he is in my class.

    After this "lunch date" he started calling me a lot and sent me some messages almost straight after I left. He started messaging that he had a gift for me. He was asking if he can come over and give it to me, but I said I was busy. I messaged him later that day saying I'm not interested in dating, but we can still be friends. And he asked me if we can still hang out and I said yeah that's okay.

    He still messages me a lot asking when we can hang out and often calls me. I am a pretty busy person and do not have that much time for it as I'm studying full time and working about 4 days a week so I usually don't even have time. However, there was one time after class where he invited me to his house to have lunch again and I went, and it was fine for most of it, but towards the end when I was leaving it seemed like he was trying to hold my hand and like he was about to kiss me, but I sort of just pulled my hand away and went in for a hug instead so that he wouldn't and I just kind of ignored it.

    I kind of don't want to see him anymore, but it's difficult because he is in my class until the end of the semester. He still keeps asking me when I want to hang out, and I'm getting a bit annoyed. I have had A LOT of experience in the past with guys who are attracted to me and I tell them I'm not and they just don't seem to understand and try to keep pursuing regardless of me literally telling them I'm not interested. I haven't been responding to this guy very much anymore which I know is a bit harsh, but I have no idea what to say to make him stop calling and texting me. I know how to tell a guy I don't want to date them, but I don't know how to say that I don't want to see them or hang out. I feel like if I say something like "look it's nice that we've been hanging out, but it still seems like you're interested and I don't want to lead you on" they can just say no we're just friends and that's it, but still continue to try and pursue me on the sly and try to turn it around or something. I honeslty don't have much time for anyone right now, I barely can see my closest friends at the moment and I'm just getting tired of someone who I don't even know too well pestering me to hang out all the time. Please someone help me with what I can say and sorry if I sound mean I'm just getting sick of men who do things like this :/

  2. #2
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Just tell him this is a very busy time for you..and stop sending him mixed signals like accepting lunch dates.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Stop accepting his invitations to lunch, to his house, politely decline his gifts. Don't be tempted to accept and say, "Yes" anymore.

    Ask him nicely and politely to stop texting you and politely forewarn him that if he does not honor your request that you will block him. Give him a chance to cease texting and if he refuses to cooperate, then it's ok to block him.

    You can't control him approaching and asking you to hang out. Hang tough by continuing to say "No thank you" politely until he gets tired of your rejection. He will get the message after learning over time that no means no. You are the one who needs to be firm and diplomatic. You've already explained to him that you're not interested in dating and only want to be friends. Since you've explained this already and he's relentless, then you become relentless with you same answer of simply "no thank you" until you sound like a broken record to him.

    He'll eventually force himself to accept your repeated answers.

    If you want to explain that you're extremely busy with classes, your job, don't have time for your closest friends, do it. Tell him the truth regarding that.

    He will stop pestering and hounding you as long as you remain firm with your same "no thank you" answers. Hang tough, LockerBunny.

  4. #4
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    I feel like if I say something like "look it's nice that we've been hanging out, but it still seems like you're interested and I don't want to lead you on" they can just say no we're just friends and that's it, but still continue to try and pursue me on the sly and try to turn it around or something.
    By all means say something like that - it's kind and conveys a clear message. However, what you then need to do is continue to be clear in your responses to him. Decline any face-to-face invitations and stop returning texts and phone calls. Be polite but distant when you meet him.

    There ARE guys who just won't take "No" for an answer, often attempting unwanted physical contact. You need to be firm. Hang on in there (from someone who's been 'round the block' a few times!)

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If you know he's interested in more then stop hanging out, being too "friendly" or otherwise leading him on. Start to be busy, don't message or take calls. Simply tell him you're busy.
    Originally Posted by LockerBunny
    He still messages me a lot asking when we can hang out and often calls me.
    he invited me to his house to have lunch again and I went, and it was fine for most of it

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Just be straight up and say I know what your intentions are and I am very firm about not dating you. So Since we are not on the same page, I feel it would be best we dont hang out or talk anymore.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    Just tell him this is a very busy time for you..and stop sending him mixed signals like accepting lunch dates.
    Bingo.

    Id also take a break from men in any romantic sense until you learn how to set boundaries.

    One doesnt have to master boundaries to date, but not even having the basic skill of saying no is really risky.

    Good luck!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    In the future, don't give your number to an acquaintance like this so quickly. The next time he asks you to hang out, say with a smile, "I realize I made a mistake in taking on any new friends. My study schedule and work schedule only allows me time for my best friend." And then block his number.

    Don't worry about hurting his feelings. He can't take a hint and even seems like one of those dangerous/stalking types since he tried to hold your hand and maybe kiss you. Get out now before it gets more intense, and also watch your back in case he won't let go even after you block him.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    Tell him this:

    "I get the feeling you are want to be more than just friends, I like you but only as a friend" "I am sorry if my actions misled you"

    It might sting a little for him to hear it but trust me he will appreciate your honesty so he knows where you stand so he can focus on other people.

    Lost

  11. #10
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    Well, unfortunately lost of people think if they get in the door as friends it will "lead to" more. In fact, I've seen people on this forum advising people to do just that, start as friends.

    Also, his buddies probably encouraged him, saying something like "Dude, she wouldn't go to your place if she wasn't into you. Make a move when she's there! Go for it!"

    You're going to have to be very, very clear. You are fine with being friends but you won't be spending any one on one time with him.

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