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Thread: First big fight..I know I was wrong, but is it that big of a deal?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If she wants to get drunk and drag guys home and tell her boss off and get fired she can do that without a bf, no?
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Boy we have a lot of posters here who have never been drunk, never done anything stupid, have never upset their SO in any way and have otherwise lead saintly lives.....

  2. #32
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jimthzz
    BTW II, if you were honest with yourself, you would admit that even if you were not ultimately fully interested, you liked the possibility and were willing to risk your relationship to enjoy the tease of it.
    .
    Absof@kinglutely not. The second they came our way I was "my boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend". I know it's hard to believe, but i thought this get together was innocent from where I was standing. But that's my problem. I'm naive and downright child-like sometimes. That is what he is having a big problem getting over...my immaturity. Lack of ability to be an adult sometimes..

    I'm just so drained and done hurting. I've explained myself and that is all I can do. Oh by the way, he is definitely NOT outside the "drinking culture", but thanks for playing. I know this place can be harsh, but hurling insults that are not based in reality or truth makes you look silly. I am just so ready to accept my fate already. Should I put the gun in my mouth or to my temple? Just kidding..I think I'll leave the country if this doesn't work out. I am devastated. I have never loved anyone like I have him.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Step thirteen?
    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    She is now sleeping her way through AA

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Boy we have a lot of posters here who have never been drunk, never done anything stupid, have never upset their SO in any way and have otherwise lead saintly lives.....
    The OP wants our perspective, not a laundry list of our own stupidities.

    Getting drunk cannot be a get out of jail card for poor behavior.

    If that were true, there is a whole catalog of crap that can be excused.

    The main thing is, the OP has to own her behavior: sober, drunk, whatever. And even if she does? Her BF does not have to accept anything she says about how she is a changed person. And if she is not a changed person she has ZERO chances with him.

    Here's what I recommend.

    1. Stop drinking. Join AA, do the work.

    2. Move out. Go elsewhere.

    3. Get a job.

    4. Find sober friends.

    5. If your BF is inclined for continued contact, restart that. If not? Move on.

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  6. #35
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
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    I think AA may be overkill. But I am definitely taking a good break. Definitely no longer seeing my friend for a good while.

    That's tough.. this place is, technically, mine. Though, I think I can ask my mom if I can stay with her and he can stay here until he ultimately figures out what to do.

    Not that it matters, but I start one today.

    I don't have many friends, but, we can definitely do sober activities.

    Agreed.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by quark
    Absof@kinglutely not. The second they came our way I was "my boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend". I know it's hard to believe, but i thought this get together was innocent from where I was standing. But that's my problem. I'm naive and downright child-like sometimes. That is what he is having a big problem getting over...my immaturity. Lack of ability to be an adult sometimes..

    I'm just so drained and done hurting. I've explained myself and that is all I can do. Oh by the way, he is definitely NOT outside the "drinking culture", but thanks for playing. I know this place can be harsh, but hurling insults that are not based in reality or truth makes you look silly. I am just so ready to accept my fate already. Should I put the gun in my mouth or to my temple? Just kidding..I think I'll leave the country if this doesn't work out. I am devastated. I have never loved anyone like I have him.
    Have a majority of your disagreements been the result of something that happened when you'd been drinking?

  8. #37
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
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    I hate to be that person, but we don't really have many disagreements. He has gotten irritated with my lack of maturity in the past, though. It's like I'm mentally stunted in growth or something. Whatever..I'd rather my downfall be naive and assuming the best in people rather than be evil and vindictive.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by quark
    I think AA may be overkill. But I am definitely taking a good break. Definitely no longer seeing my friend for a good while.

    That's tough.. this place is, technically, mine. Though, I think I can ask my mom if I can stay with her and he can stay here until he ultimately figures out what to do.

    Not that it matters, but I start one today.

    I don't have many friends, but, we can definitely do sober activities.

    Agreed.
    I think you need to calm down a bit and give him a few days to cool off as well. That doesn't involved dramatic things like abandoning your home, running to mom's place, etc.

    Turn down the volume. Stop. Breathe. Calm down.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by quark
    I hate to be that person, but we don't really have many disagreements. He has gotten irritated with my lack of maturity in the past, though. It's like I'm mentally stunted in growth or something. Whatever..I'd rather my downfall be naive and assuming the best in people rather than be evil and vindictive.
    Not having many disagreements can sometimes be a bad thing. Meaning that your SO might be conflict avoidant and rather than expressing what bugs them and airing it out, they bottle up resentment, which builds up like a volcano, then something triggers the explosion and it's big and feels bewildering. You will be focused on that one incident and he is really letting out steam about two years worth of pent up frustrations, resentments, etc. that you have no idea about and he isn't talking either.

    Relationships live and die on conflict resolution skills of both partners.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If it's your place, just stay. Let him figure it out but expect this event to permanently change the dynamic of things. He may hang out for a while longer, but the next "naive" event may result in him finally throwing in the towel.
    Originally Posted by quark
    until he ultimately figures out what to do. I don't have many friends, but, we can definitely do sober activities.

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