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Thread: Bf won't let go of the fact that I slept w/ someone before getting exclusive

  1. #11
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    Today I broke down and cried hysterically to him telling him that there's nothing I can do to fix this and he basically just told me "You're right, there isn't. It's what you should have done"...

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by somegirl313
    Today I broke down and cried hysterically to him telling him that there's nothing I can do to fix this and he basically just told me "You're right, there isn't. It's what you should have done"...
    That's great for his ego. Not so great for you.

    Are you still able to feel love for a man who enjoys hurting you and seeing you cry? Who would rather get his ego stroked than be loving toward you?

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    That's great for his ego. Not so great for you.

    Are you still able to feel love for a man who enjoys hurting you and seeing you cry? Who would rather get his ego stroked than be loving toward you?
    I always tell myself it's his insecurities and jealousy making him act that way. I know he loves me

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by somegirl313
    I always tell myself it's his insecurities and jealousy making him act that way. I know he loves me
    Interesting way for someone to show love.

    As long as you're fine with him berating you for however long you two are together there's no problem.

    BTW, he's not going to stop because he thinks he's right and because he enjoys it.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Okay, you're now breaking my heart a bit.

    You can call this love, but it's a mangled strand. Think about how you felt a month ago in this, then think about how you felt six months ago. Do you feel better today or worse? If you feel worse, you can imagine how you'll feel in another three months. That's easy math.

    You know what you "should have" done when it came to the FWB chapter? Exactly what you did. And you know who you should be with? Someone who gets thatónot someone you have to teach to get that, forgive for not getting it, and allow yourself to be raked over the coals and brought to tears because of the mangled wiring that is preventing him from loving you like a real man.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Okay, you're now breaking my heart a bit.

    You can call this love, but it's a mangled strand. Think about how you felt a month ago in this, then think about how you felt six months ago. Do you feel better today or worse? If you feel worse, you can imagine how you'll feel in another three months. That's easy math.

    You know what you "should have" done when it came to the FWB chapter? Exactly what you did. And you know who you should be with? Someone who gets thatónot someone you have to teach to get that, forgive for not getting it, and allow yourself to be raked over the coals and brought to tears because of the mangled wiring that is preventing him from loving you like a real man.
    I just keep hoping and hoping that eventually he will forget about it. Actually for about 2 weeks, he didn't bring it up and I was very surprised. Then just 2 days ago, after we had sex, he told me "you probably rode him just like this, you probably moaned just like that" and I cried

  8. #17
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    Again, you are positively rewarding his behavior which means he has zero motivation to stop.

    Let me ask you, if you stuck your boss in the hand with a pen and she cried and said it hurt but then handed you a $100 bill, would you be more or less motivated to stick your boss in the hand with your pen?

    Sadly, he likes to see you cry. That's not love.

    Where did you learn that love and pain belong together?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by somegirl313
    I always tell myself it's his insecurities and jealousy making him act that way. I know he loves me
    Would someone who loves you tear you down every week for something that you did in the past which was a perfectly normal thing to do at the time and which you can't go back and change, just because he feels bad about it?

    This isn't real love. It's need. They aren't the same thing. He needs you to make him feel better and he needs you to feel bad about what you did because it makes you a possession and he feels like he needs to possess you.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    The way I see it, being how young you are, you kind of have two paths before you. Path one: you get out of this, mourn it as needed, in processing it you develop a zero-tolerance threshold for this nonsense, and find yourself naturally attracted to people who don't display these qualities. Path two: you stay in it, get spun around a number of more times, and, because good times feel good even with bad apples, and orgasms feel good for everyone, you develop an equilibrium that is attracted to the very behavior that is spinning you around.

    I'm almost twice your age. I've known people who go down the first path, and can tell you it doesn't get prettier. I also know people who went down the second, and can laugh about these weird, unfortunate chapters alongside their husbands and wives. They, 100 percent of the time, are the happier people, living the more rewarding lives, in my observation.

  11. #20
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    He doesn't respect you, so that's game over.
    Now you are disrespecting yourself and I wonder if you have low self esteem in general? What was the rush to go from your first relationship, to a warm body FWB, to a bf right away while still chatting away with the FWB.
    You are young, I get that, but you should have dealt with lingering bed buddies on your own instead of bringing your bf into that and asking him if he wanted you to stop contact. You invite insecurity and troubles by making your f buddies his business. Just my opinion.

    Staying is only going to grind you down until you associate relationships and sex with yucky feelings and being out down. Not good!

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