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Thread: Bf won't let go of the fact that I slept w/ someone before getting exclusive

  1. #121
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Talk yo your parents.
    Originally Posted by somegirl313
    I can’t cut the cord just yet because.........

  2. #122
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    Maybe the next time he abuses you you'll be "ready".

    Or, maybe not. Maybe it will take years and years of increasing and escalating abuse for you to be "ready".

    All I can advise for now is, make sure you are using a very reliable form of birth control.

  3. #123
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    Update: I finally gathered up the strength to end it. It stings right now but I'm rereading all the advice I've gotten to remind myself that I don't need this. Really appreciate you all for helping me realize that I was in an abusive relationship

  4. #124
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    Originally Posted by somegirl313
    Update: I finally gathered up the strength to end it. It stings right now but I'm rereading all the advice I've gotten to remind myself that I don't need this. Really appreciate you all for helping me realize that I was in an abusive relationship
    You'll feel better sooner rather than later. It's amazing how the anxiety will ease up and then disappear.

    Good for you.

    Now, be prepared for an onslaught if you haven't blocked him. He will alternate between berating you for being "unfair " to him and promising you the world, including reviving his (empty) promise to get counseling. Remember, he won't be doing it out of love but out of a need to be in control. Have a plan in place to resist the urge to want to believe him.

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  6. #125
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by somegirl313
    Update: I finally gathered up the strength to end it. It stings right now but I'm rereading all the advice I've gotten to remind myself that I don't need this. Really appreciate you all for helping me realize that I was in an abusive relationship
    Good for you. Give yourself a big hug. You deserve so much better than him. Block him and look forward.

  7. #126
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Bravo. It's hard, I know, and as bolt said the odds are very high that you'll hear from him in a few different ways that can spin the head if you let it. Try to focus on knowing you're better off away from him—and you are, you ARE—and take note of how you feel a sense of strength and calm returning, even during these melancholy days. That's because you've acted on strength—so, yeah, pat yourself on the back.

  8. #127
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Good for you!

  9. #128
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    How do you let go of someone you loved so deeply?

  10. #129
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    Originally Posted by somegirl313
    How do you let go of someone you loved so deeply?
    By reminding yourself that he didn't love you (no one who loves you would take so much pleasure in causing you pain) and that he's an abusive bully.

    You can't just keep the parts of him you like. He's the entire package including the part of him that got off on making you cry.

  11. #130
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I repeat a simple, factual phrase in my mind when a relationship ends, whatever the nature of an ending: "It did not work."

    This, somegirl, did not work. Past big words like love and abuse, which are already at odds with each other, there is that fact. It did not work. The earth is round, there are 24 hours in a day, and you plus him did not work.

    It sucks. It's hard. It is also a fact. Hold onto facts rather than fantasies, even hard facts, and letting go just happens, in time.

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