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Thread: my drama queen entitled crazy sister in law. please help!!!

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Stop that. Say "oh" and don't even bother looking at it and change the subject. Do you really want your marriage to be about your sister in law? Oddly it sounds like you have a thing for her and somehow are very curious and way over-involved in her dating life. Why is that? Most men would dismiss this as sibling stuff and gossip. You seem to be obssessed with her.
    Originally Posted by himynameisslim
    I have all this negative info b/c my wife has showed me all the text messages

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Distance yourself. If she comes over retreat somewhere or go out. Just be cordial and neutral. Keep discussion about her to a minimum with neutral "oh" answers then change the subject after a few minutes. Let your wife vent but Do Not Get Involved. She may be nuts, but your wife apparently likes to stay in touch and they are family. Stay out of the peripheral family dynamics.

    If your wife is having anxiety attacks, she need to go to a doctor. But stop fueling the fire with your attitude toward her family/sister. Stop making your marriage all about whatever your obsession with this sister is. Marriage therapy would help you both tremendously. They will cover things like in-laws and boundaries, conflict resolution, etc.
    distancing is something that is a must I agree whole 100%. but no, I don't have an obsession over her sister. me getting sick and tired of her stupid games and how it affects my wife is the issue. she's just said some really mean and below the belt things that just pissed me off. normally, I just brush it off and ignore.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your marriage is the problem. The drama with the sister is just a symptom.

  4. 09-09-2019, 01:40 PM
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    Disrespectful/Flaming

  5. #14
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    Originally Posted by himynameisslim
    this original thread is about my sister in law who's running her mouth, cussing people out, including her parents, myself and my wife. it's more of a sign that I'm fed up with her child like behavior and no one calling her out on her bs. humans are allowed to have feelings and reactions don't they?
    You can speak to your wife about how your SIL's behavior upsets you & how awful you feel when the SIL upsets your wife. If the SIL is cursing at you or in your presence you can state that you will not tolerate such disrespect & remove yourself from the situation. Do tell your wife in advance that you plan to do this. Explain to your wife that don't want to add to her pain but you simply want peace. Then steer clear of the drama. Seek out peace & do not reward your SIL when she acts out.

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  7. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by himynameisslim
    true. everyone is trying to stay clear and it calms things down a bit but it's like the calm before the storm. something is bound to happen. it's just beyond annoying.
    Who cares? You're way too emotional. The "something is bound to happen" is negative thinking and sort of immature in and of itself. Let it all go and do your own thing. You are far too wrapped up and negative. I think a lot of this probably has a lot to do with your perception of events and what they mean to you.

  8. #16
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Buy a book on relationship boundaries. Ask your wife if you two can take turns reading aloud a chapter at a time together. Maybe if she sees professional advice that would improve the situation, she just might try out some of the ideas suggested.

  9. #17
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    i had a friend who's sister didn't want to be MOH either in her wedding and showed up to the wedding last minute. her sister literally tried so hard to ruin what is such a special day. in fact, i think she is estranged from her sister now because the relationship got so toxic.

    anyway, as her husband i would just focus on supporting your wife. you DO NOT need to get involved in the situation and bad mouth her sister. it's best to just be there for your wife. let her vent to you, be a shoulder to cry on, etc. i mean you're married to your wife and she comes with a crazed sister unfortunately, so it's better to stay out of her and her sister's relationship as well as the crazy sisters relationship with the parents.

    if the crazy sister starts texting you and phoning you to start things with, i'd still remain neutral because it's your wifes family and your wife needs to be strong enough to stick up for herself and draw boundaries with toxic family members.

  10. #18
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    I have a family member like this, so I completely understand your situation.

    The only thing you can do is to adopt a "Gray Rock" mentality about it. Google it....it's how therapists often suggest one deals with difficult, or drama-creating people with whom they have to maintain some sort of contact. Basically, "gray rock" means that you treat every conversation or situation surrounding your SIL with the excitement of a gray rock.....blaaaah. In other words, she starts some dramatics about something, and you shrug and say, "I'm really enjoying this weather". "These potatoes are delicious". This way, you give her zero ammunition with which to continue her dramatics.

    People who crave drama like her only do it because they are "allowed" to by the people they do it to. Your wife's parents enable her, not only financially, but emotionally as well, so she is "allowed" a space in which to play drama queen. Your wife does too, by accepting these texts from her about her love life, or whatever she decides to dump on your wife. That's your wife's prerogative, and since this bothers you, the only action for you is to simply ask your wife not to share these texts with you, nor any other information about her other than basic, boring, "gray" stuff.

    My life surrounding my own family member is so much better because of this. I used to drive myself crazy over her hysterics, and then I realized....it makes me upset, and she gets what she wants: to drive someone else crazy. But by simply keeping conversations only to a conversational sort of professionalism, she doesn't "do" her dramatics with me anymore, as I simply don't participate.

    You'll have to figure out why you allow this drama in your life. Think of all the other things you don't allow into your life, and why do you allow this to consume so much brain space? I'm not beating you up; I promise you. In my situation, this person has been part of our family for decades, and I used to expend so much energy talking about her, to anyone who would listen. These days, I can go weeks without even thinking of her. You'll have to figure out, for you, why you're allowing this to take up brain space.

    An easy way to think of this is to treat your SIL as a professional, business acquaintance. Someone you don't know very well. How would you converse with them? Simple pleasantries, and then move on to the appetizers.

  11. #19
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    I used to whine for hours to anyone who had the misfortune to be present about my brother's gold digging girlfriend (now wife). Then I realized 1) how insufferable I sounded and 2) that mysteriously, she makes my brother happy. So I butted out.

    I don't much like her, but all I can say now is "he's happy and that's all that matters."

    I like the "gray rock" approach. You can say "oh, sorry to hear that" when your wife shows you texts or complains about her sister. If she asks you why you're being so dismissive, tell her what you're doing, why and how. She may discover peace that way.

  12. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It's not your place to step in.

    Help your wife through it, support and help her, as for the sister, you can't and shouldn't do anything about it.

    If your wife needs to stay away 100% from her sister, then she should. She's a grown woman. She doesn't need to keep getting caught up in the drama.
    Last edited by SherrySher; 09-09-2019 at 04:18 PM.

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