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Thread: my drama queen entitled crazy sister in law. please help!!!

  1. #1
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    my drama queen entitled crazy sister in law. please help!!!

    Hi, I really need some objective advice and will try to keep this as short as possible.

    My wife and I have been married since 2014 and ever since we tied the knot, her sister has gone ape sh*t. Case in point. She decided at the last minute to not be the maid of honor, to not attend my wife's bachelorette party and I was slightly worried she was going to ruin our wedding. Thank goodness she behaved normally at the wedding.

    Anyways, a quick background of her. She's single and I don't think has ever had a boyfriend ever. She does have friends but in general has a hard time getting along with people, thus she has had a hard time holding down jobs in the past.

    Now our lives are far from perfect but I clearly believe she's simply not happy with where she's at in life and is jealous, plain and simple. There may be some underlying mental issues but I cannot confirm nor deny those suspicions, though I know she's seeing a therapist I heard. Because she sees what my wife has (good solid job, husband, new house and kids), it angers her and she takes it out on her parents and now my wife!

    A few years back, she insisted to cut off all contact for 2 years straight and wanted "space". her wish was granted but when Thanksgiving came rolling along, my in laws did not contact her out of respect. She then started acting like a child with threatening text messages stating that her parents are terrible people and even told them in a message to, "f#ck off".

    Her parents do enable her and continue to give her money but she always plays the victim. Her parents as well as my wife are very passive whereas I'm the type to want to call her out on her bs. She was willing to go to family counseling but now her mom (my mom in law) does not want to due to probably being scared of her.

    What in the heck do you I do? Most would say to stay the heck out of it but it's affecting my wife now. She's getting really bad anxiety attacks and cannot sleep due to extra stress put on by her sister. Her sister is an entitled brat who blames all her problems on everyone but herself.

    Should I step in? If so how? What would you guys/gals do honestly? thanks.

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Nope. Donít step in. Let everyone handle their own peeps.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Distance yourself. If she comes over retreat somewhere or go out. Just be cordial and neutral. Keep discussion about her to a minimum with neutral "oh" answers then change the subject after a few minutes. Let your wife vent but Do Not Get Involved. She may be nuts, but your wife apparently likes to stay in touch and they are family. Stay out of the peripheral family dynamics.

    If your wife is having anxiety attacks, she need to go to a doctor. But stop fueling the fire with your attitude toward her family/sister. Stop making your marriage all about whatever your obsession with this sister is. Marriage therapy would help you both tremendously. They will cover things like in-laws and boundaries, conflict resolution, etc.
    Originally Posted by himynameisslim
    Most would say to stay the heck out of it but it's affecting my wife now. She's getting really bad anxiety attacks and cannot sleep due to extra stress put on by her sister..

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    You don't step in. You do tell your wife that you love her & that you support her. Assure her that it's OK for her to maintain her distance from her sister & love her from afar without getting sucked into the drama.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TeeDee
    You don't step in. You do tell your wife that you love her & that you support her. Assure her that it's OK for her to maintain her distance from her sister & love her from afar without getting sucked into the drama.
    This.... I completely understand why you want to step in and protect your wife from all of this drama, however deep down I am sure you know it won't really fix anything and could potentially make things much worse.

    Instead take care of your wife by letting her lean on you, by listening, by supporting her in her feelings, and by encouraging her to set boundaries.

    Something that is typically for siblings/children/parents of people with substance use issues but that may help in this situation is attending a Codependents Anonymous meeting... support group like this will help her when it comes to setting boundaries and give her somewhere to vent with others that are going through the same thing. They are free and open for anyone to attend.

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    Tell your wife that you will not step in - what she does is her choice and you will support whatever her decision is, whether she wants to interact with her sister or not.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Ummm yeah...

    Thereís something going on beneath the surface here.

    Families have drama, itís just part of life, your level of involvement and concern is more concerning to me than her actions.

    So letís delve into that, sheís going to be who she is and quite frankly has very little to do with you, yet here you are so my question is whatís going on with you? And how do you even know your sister in laws dating history etc.? If SHES the one jealous and bitter why do you have all this negative info about her? See how itís not adding up.

    Are you still bored in your marriage? Have things improved? Do you think maybe this sister drama is providing you and your wife the spice you crave?

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Your wife is probably very easy to pick on. Sorry to say that. Not everyone is mentally stable or not so dramatic. Some people are over the top. It's a talent learning to steer clear of such people. Both of you need to do more of that. Be more mature about everything and step aside from the ca ca on the street.

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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Ummm yeah...

    Thereís something going on beneath the surface here.

    Families have drama, itís just part of life, your level of involvement and concern is more concerning to me than her actions.

    So letís delve into that, sheís going to be who she is and quite frankly has very little to do with you, yet here you are so my question is whatís going on with you? And how do you even know your sister in laws dating history etc.? If SHES the one jealous and bitter why do you have all this negative info about her? See how itís not adding up.

    Are you still bored in your marriage? Have things improved? Do you think maybe this sister drama is providing you and your wife the spice you crave?
    Actually, nothing is going on with me other than this brat who runs her mouth left and right towards her own parents and to my wife. I do know her dating history; she's a miserable soul who takes zero ownership to anything. I have all this negative info b/c my wife has showed me all the text messages. That's easily adding up.

    No, we're not bored with our marriage. You're really stretching there buddy. I do not like anyone including her disrespecting my wife, which is why I posted the question to see if and how much one is to get involved.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Your wife is probably very easy to pick on. Sorry to say that. Not everyone is mentally stable or not so dramatic. Some people are over the top. It's a talent learning to steer clear of such people. Both of you need to do more of that. Be more mature about everything and step aside from the ca ca on the street.
    true. everyone is trying to stay clear and it calms things down a bit but it's like the calm before the storm. something is bound to happen. it's just beyond annoying.

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